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Does your partner spend all his free time playing games on a computer, console, tablet? Family evening — is it you with children and household chores and the back of your husband, who is somewhere «out there»? Are you already desperate to win this battle for attention, and you have intimacy only if a man has strength left after virtual battles? What to do in this case?
Let’s start with the fact that computer games are neither bad nor good. The question is what exactly a person sublimates with their help and whether the passion has passed into the stage of dependence. But even in this case, gambling addiction can save a person from a more harmful addiction. As a rule, men who play on the computer drink and smoke less. Adrenaline received on the other side of the screen helps to reduce aggression and balance the psyche. And the husband is at home, «under control» — for many, a more acceptable option than the husband «in the garage» or «on a fishing trip.»
In a sense, a “computer” husband is convenient. The problem, however, is that he is more and more detached from life, the motivation to make a career and achieve success is falling, the figure is becoming less athletic, and he is a useless example for children.
However, you can not worry about a man if:
- he does not spend much time at the computer (about an hour and a half on weekdays and two on weekends),
- turning off the computer, he does not become irritable,
- he does not shy away from business for the sake of the game, but is ready to do everything necessary first,
- he has many hobbies besides the computer, he plays games on those days or months when the main activities are less available,
- he actually replaces in this way the more pernicious habits to which he has an inclination,
- he plays instead of watching endless videos and movies,
- games allow him to get out of a bad circle of friends and dubious parties.
You can prevent the transition of passion for computer games into addiction if you bring down the “rhythm of the player”
Computer gamers also experience «binge drinking» when they sit in front of the screen for almost a day. This happens in two cases. The first is when a new game comes out, and it is played until it is won, until it is completely cleared. Such situations can be compared, for example, with the World Cup. These games sometimes also wait for several years.
The second option is when a person sits down at an old, long-familiar game and «plays drunkenly.» In this case, he is probably in the «red zone».
But even if your man is in the «green zone», you should not relax. As with alcohol, the transition from «holiday drink» to «after work health drink» to alcoholism is subtle. Therefore, you must always keep your finger on the pulse.
You can prevent the transition of passion for computer games into addiction if you bring down the «rhythm of the player» by diluting it with other activities that are interesting to your husband. If you can understand the «pain» of your partner and heal it, computer games will turn into just a leisure option. How to do it?
How to Help a Man Prevent a Gambling Addiction
The main thing is to discuss the situation, in no case saying that you see a problem in games. It is important to find out what your partner is missing. Talk to him about his interests, desires, plans, while trying on his dreams for yourself. Try to see yourself next to him in his dreams. If possible, share this picture with him, fantasize together. Perhaps this is what he was waiting for! Yes, and you can open the way to a new, much more exciting world.
In order for the dialogue to take place, you must accept, respect and love your man. To help yourself and tune in to the conversation, write down point by point everything for which you respect and appreciate your partner — even his smallest achievements and the absence of problems that others have. Is he not prone to addictions or, say, not prone to stinginess? This is a consequence of your man’s inner victory over himself, his choice to be better.
What are the games he plays and what can replace them
If you still can’t establish a dialogue, try to find out what games your partner is playing. Ask about them: what they are called, what genre they belong to. Each genre has a lot to say.
genre of strategy. A player who prefers strategy games in which you need to build corporations and empires or wage large-scale wars with entire armies (Civilization, ANNO, Age of Empires series and others) experiences difficulties in career self-realization. It may be worth finding an interesting business training for him, personal development courses, career building or a personal brand.
Genre: shooter and arcade. If a man spends his evenings playing shooters (World of Tanks, Contra, Dota), he lacks adrenaline and impressions. Think about interesting trips, active weekends, skiing or horseback riding, karting. Even a bike ride for two or the whole family can be a good alternative. If a man prefers team games, you can try to interest him in developing team activities, even in an online format. For example, passing an online marathon or studying at an online school in a field of interest to him. The main thing is to have a team and a competitive moment. Pay attention to your sex life: perhaps a man lacks «fire» in bed and should bring it there.
Show that you respect his right to play, but there are other options you can share with him.
Genre «role-playing games (RPG)». In these games (Stalker, Skyrim, Fallout, The Witcher, Star Citizen), the player explores the world, accomplishes feats and «pumps» his talents. It’s like not just watching an adventure movie, but also participating in it. Their choice speaks of a dreamy nature, inclined to run away from problems to an alternative world. Such men dream of traveling around the world, but are content with other options for escapism: games, books, TV shows. A good solution could be a joint trip, a trip out of town, visiting cinemas, exhibitions and other events. And since he is used to “pumping skills”, he can also be interested in studying at an online school.
Why consider online schools and courses? Not only because it is a trend, this kind of activity effectively replaces gambling addiction and gives a good impetus in the direction of personal development. To make your partner want, start watching motivational TV shows and YouTube videos together.
The main thing is not to get between the addict and his addiction: this path can lead to conflicts and even divorce. Be close to your husband, offer alternatives. Show that you respect his right to play, but there are other options that you can also share with him.
Stock up on patience. Take small steps and use the opening opportunities for sharp jerks. And do not forget that the problems of one partner are almost always connected in one way or another with the other, which means that both have something to work on.