PSYchology

All children are special, not similar to each other. Talented in their own way, beautiful in their own way. Funny and serious, insightful and trusting, playful and focused. They are different, and every mother is proud that her baby is not like everyone else. But what if the child is really special?

What if he differs from others not by the fact that he spoke first, walked, learned to eat or fold the pyramid correctly, but by the fact that he may never speak, won’t go, won’t play with other children? .. Like a mother live with this feature of the child? What do friends and relatives need to know to support in such a situation? Here are some tips to help you understand what’s going on and where to go.

1. Accept

Acceptance will take time, for everyone is different. This process can be compared to the stages of grief described by psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross:

  1. Denial: «This is a mistake, this simply cannot be, you need to double-check everything.»
  2. Anger, search for the guilty: “The doctors are to blame! Someone from your family also had something like that!”
  3. Bargaining: «If I do… things will definitely get better.» “I will fast, and God will forgive us.”
  4. Depression: «It’s a dead end, there’s no way out…»
  5. Acceptance: “I understand that I can’t fix anything, and I no longer feel powerless and terrified.”

Most parents describe acceptance not as an outcome but as a process, something that comes and goes. And it’s about accepting not only the characteristics of the child, but also the fact that life has changed in general. All feelings and emotions on the way from denial to acceptance are normal, but only at the stage of acceptance does the mother begin to actively help the child.

2. Dream in a new way

It’s time to understand why the situation caused such horror. Perhaps the mother had a dream-image of the future: she imagined how she was reading a book to her baby, how she was leading him by the hand through the park, how the whole family was going on vacation.

It often seems to parents that life is over and nothing of what they dreamed of will happen. But it’s not!

In my practice, there was such a case: a father, having learned that his son was deaf, decided that they would never go fishing. Now the child hears and speaks, but even if he remained deaf, this could not interfere with the joint fishing. Much of what seems impossible and unbelievable now is completely real!

Can you imagine a deaf-blind boy going to law school and writing amazing poetry?

Gradually, new dreams will appear. It is important to weave them into your reality and not put barriers to your imagination. What happens to us is what we believe in.

Is it possible to imagine that a deaf-blind boy, thanks to the operation and the efforts of his mother and specialists, will not only learn to hear and speak, but also enter the Faculty of Law and write amazing poetry? And what about children with cerebral palsy, who until recently could not walk on their own, stand on roller skates and skis? And that a child with Down syndrome would become a Special Olympics gymnastics champion?

There are many such stories. Of course, nothing happens by itself: all these stories became real thanks to the fact that the parents did not sit idly by and found specialists and suitable rehabilitation methods.

3. Look for like-minded people

Do not feel sorry for yourself, do not think that only you have such a problem. Look for specialized groups in social networks, read forums and thematic sites, correspond with parents who have successfully advanced along this path, ask for advice. Contact the funds — they can get verified information.

Gradually, you will see that the possibilities are many and that many of them can change your child’s world for the better, and some are even able to fully integrate it into everyday life.

4. Act

Now that you have the information, move forward. Build a new world based on the knowledge gained.

Over time, the understanding will come that the peculiarity is only one of the sides of the baby. It is in your power to begin to perceive it as a quality that makes it unique. It is very important to learn to accept and develop the child as a whole, to focus on his strengths.

5. Transmit confidence

When fear and pity are inside you, get ready to receive it from the outside. If you are friendly, calm and able to clearly explain to others how to communicate with the child and what exactly is special about him, then it will be much easier for you and everyone else. In addition, you convey to the child the emotion that you experience. Children read the confidence of their parents and feel protected.

For example, the five-year-old son of a friend, when asked by a boy about what was so strange in his ears, calmly replied: “I am deaf, I have implants in my head, I can hear like that.” The question was closed, and the children switched to active games. The child coped with the situation on his own, because before that he had observed similar behavior of his mother.

6. Remember yourself

Try to find time for yourself to feel that life did not stop at the moment when you learned about the diagnosis of the baby. Go to the cinema, to exhibitions, to a beauty salon, meet friends, all this will help you feel that the peculiarity of a child is just one of the facets of your world.

7. Be the cause of change

You can help not only your child, but also parents of other children who are faced with a similar problem. There are many options: become a volunteer of the foundation, create a thematic group in social networks, participate in research, or even establish your own project that will qualitatively change the lives of many families.

So, Natalya Belogolovtseva, mother of a child with cerebral palsy, founded the Dream Ski project, aimed at the rehabilitation of people with disabilities throughout Russia. Ekaterina Men, the mother of a child with an autism spectrum disorder, brought the method of applied behavioral analysis to Russia and began to teach this method to specialists. And there are many such examples.

Remember that your right attitude, the support of loved ones and friends, and the help of specialists can change your child’s world for the better!

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