“Are you really going to eat all this?”, “I think it’s time for you to go to a beauty salon”, “You have to work on your body,” – many have faced criticism of their appearance. At the same time, not only obvious, but also subtle shortcomings become the object of comments. How to be and what to answer such commentators?
How to build a healthy relationship with yourself and your body? How to “be above” any critics and not react to negative comments about appearance? Where to begin?
First, let’s face it: happy people don’t try to upset others. It seems that the coach, parents, husband, girlfriend and even a consultant in a clothing store want the best, but is it really? In fact, any such comment is a reflection of the speaker’s personal problems, not yours.
“For various reasons, the degree of hostility and aggression towards each other has increased in our society,” says psychologist Mikhail Barzykin. Often people criticize others because they are unhappy, unlucky and unsure of themselves. Understanding this can help deal with negative emotions or replace them with compassion or empathy for the speaker.”
As a rule, a caustic remark from the outside says that you hit a person for a living. And not necessarily their looks. Your thoughts or actions can also cause attacks. For example, if they tell you that they hate ripped jeans and that they look like tatters (and you, in turn, like them), then most likely this remark has nothing to do with you.
So answer them or not? It all depends on the situation and how you feel in it, Mikhail Barzykin is sure: “There is no single recipe, someone can calmly remain silent, and this will not spoil his mood, someone will make a fuss and then go over the situation for a long time. head. However, if you still decide to answer, then it is better to talk about your feelings, about how unpleasant it is for you to hear this.
Explain what exactly upset and offended you
In this way, you can defend your personal boundaries and remain satisfied with the conversation. You can also constructively point out that criticizing the appearance of other people is a sign of bad manners. Be clear that any comments about your body are unacceptable. It is possible and necessary to talk about this not only to outsiders, but also to relatives. Ask them not to do that again. Ask how your interlocutor would feel if his appearance was criticized, and not yours.
However, do not get hung up on the interlocutor: look inward. What exactly hurts you? Why do these words cause you so much suffering? Even if you don’t find the answers, learning about your own emotions will help you get to know yourself better. Of course, receiving criticism is unpleasant. Especially from loved ones. How to deal with emotions in this case?
“First of all, to abandon the “should”, that is, the thought that a loved one should not behave this way,” continues Mikhail Barzykin. “Of course you wouldn’t want to, but that doesn’t mean he won’t do it. And understand that if your appearance is criticized, it does not follow from this that something is wrong with your appearance.
You can look at what is happening with irony
How does the opinion of the critic turn you into an ugly person? Can he change the quality of things with just his opinion? Could he then turn stone into bread? And most importantly, remember that your value does not depend on what other people think of you.
Often, people around us think that their comments about our body can be useful or even inspire us to accomplish something. But ultimately, only we ourselves can decide what is good for us. Take care of yourself. If someone regularly criticizes you, think about whether you should communicate with this person? Think about how important it is to you? After all, for sure in your life there will be those who love and appreciate you for who you are.
About expert
Mikhail Barzykin psychologist, cognitive behavioral therapist. His .