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You share with him the most intimate secrets, sometimes those that you have not told anyone else. But what if one of these secrets is about the therapist and your feelings for him or her?
First of all, do not quit therapy or sit with your face in your hands during the session. Client attraction to a therapist is quite common. Perhaps your specialist has already dealt with this. Being aware of these feelings and working with them in therapy will provide new opportunities for personal growth. So don’t give in to shame, take a deep breath and heed the advice of the experts.
Your feelings are normal
You may feel embarrassed about falling in love with a psychologist, but this happens quite often. “I often hear stories like this from other therapists,” says Washington DC-based clinical psychologist Andrea Bonyor. New York psychoanalyst Sean Grover adds that romantic feelings for a therapist can be a very common manifestation of the so-called transference.
Transference in psychoanalysis is the transfer of feelings from one relationship to another. Usually these are our early experiences that we project onto other people. Often, therefore, the same patterns appear again and again in relationships that we cannot get rid of, ”explains Grover.
Try to understand why these feelings arise
Of course, a therapist can help you deal with your disturbing experiences, but it’s also helpful to dig inside yourself to try to understand where they’re coming from. “Therapy is a personal relationship with a specialist in which you constantly feel positive emotions and care. Often, clients have warm feelings for him, not necessarily sexual attraction, sometimes they are purely platonic. It can be, for example, admiration and gratitude,” says Andrea Bonyor.
Feelings towards the therapist can help to understand something important
A good specialist creates a space for you where you feel safe and can afford to be open and insecure. Some of us feel loved in this environment. “If you are lonely, you suffer from insecurity. It is only natural that you have warm feelings towards someone who cares about you,” says Andrea Bonyor. Psychologists sometimes seem to replace close people with whom we could not build the relationships that we wanted.
These feelings can help heal
Sean Grover is confident that a skilled psychologist can turn the patient’s romantic experiences to his advantage. “Let’s say someone suffers because their parents don’t love or don’t accept them. Suddenly, a therapist appears in his life who gives what he craved so much, regrets the failures of the patient and rejoices in his successes, like a perfect parent, ”says Grover.
In such a situation, the support of the therapist can help the client meet the emotional needs. Feelings towards him can help to understand something important. For example, that you become very attached to those who care about you, because this is unusual for you. Awareness of this pattern can provide opportunities for personal growth.
Each of us has a story that may explain why we fell in love with a psychologist. To understand this, first ask yourself: what spiritual needs does a specialist satisfy? “We try to give the client the opportunity to express themselves without fear of repercussions. If he knows that nothing bad will definitely happen, then he liberates himself and is much more tolerant of his feelings. This helps him in the future to start close relationships more easily, without falling back into old habits and patterns, ”explains Sean Grover.
Remember it’s just feelings
This is not about disrespecting your feelings – everyone knows how powerful emotions are and how they can completely overwhelm us. But the whole point of psychotherapy is to better learn how to manage emotions and cope with them. “Feelings are not divided into positive and negative. There are just feelings. Their value depends on what you do with them,” says Grover.
If you have feelings for the therapist, it may be worth talking about it – in many areas of psychotherapy, frankness is encouraged. If you choose to share your experiences, that too is part of the therapy process.
Realize that a romantic relationship between you is impossible
The therapist will not reciprocate your feelings. “That would be absolutely unacceptable,” says Andrea Bonyor. There is nothing wrong with your feelings. But only if you see them as a reason to understand yourself, and not as a reason to take action. The therapist will help you decide how to proceed, whether to continue working with him or to look for another specialist.
Source: Huffington Post