What to do if you fall in love with your best friend

You never get tired of communication, even after spending the whole day together. All his jokes will make you laugh, and you feel good next to him. You like the same series, music, books… And one day you suddenly notice how beautiful his eyes are. Then pay attention to the arms, legs, body. What soft lips! Wait, wait, that’s a close friend. You’ve known each other for many years! What are you thinking about?

Friendship forms a strong bond and allows you to truly get to know a person. Often the strongest and closest love relationships are between good friends. But when you wonder if something more is possible between you, trying to take the step from friendship to romance can seem like something serious and even treacherous.

First of all, you need to understand whether you want to directly express feelings. After all, it is possible that friendship will eventually turn into beautiful love on its own. But another option is also possible, in which none of you will dare to admit that friendship has grown into love. As a result, both of you will want something more and at the same time be afraid to do anything to achieve the goal.

Three tips to help you decide what to do if you fall in love with a friend or girlfriend

1. Do not rush to immediately report your crazy love.

If you value friendship with this person, we do not recommend running to him, loudly declaring love. Assess the risks first. Hiding feelings by pretending they don’t exist can be very painful, and we don’t advise you to just keep them to yourself. But it would be wise to think carefully about what you are going to do.

It is impossible to predict in advance how he or she will react to the news that you are experiencing romantic feelings or sexual attraction. Your confession can change the whole relationship dynamic. It is possible that your friend or girlfriend will be too uncomfortable to maintain the previous close relationship if it turns out that the feelings are not mutual or you cannot be a couple for some other reason.

But it is also possible that your friend or girlfriend themselves is not fully aware of their feelings for you. In other words, their initial reaction may be unpleasant or unexpected, but this does not necessarily mean that nothing will change in the future. Try to consider all possible options.

2. Be sincere

When talking about feelings, choose your words. You probably know this person well. If you feel like saying «I’m madly in love with you» directly would be too much, try expressing your feelings sincerely, but in a more subtle way.

For example, you could say something like, “I realized that my feelings for you have changed. I want to be more than just a friend to you. What do you think about it?» Even if such phrases do not reflect the feelings raging in your soul, they show intentions. This will allow you to discuss the future without forcing your friend or girlfriend to run away without looking back.

3. Open your heart and listen carefully

As already mentioned, your friend or girlfriend may be slightly shocked by your confession. Even if the feelings turn out to be mutual, the transition from friendship to love is a serious change.

Take a deep breath, open your heart and listen to the answer. If it is made clear to you that there is no reciprocity and the friendship will never become something more, show respect for the decision. Consider whether you want to continue being friends or if you need a break from socializing.

Pushy attempts to persuade him or her to enter into a love affair will not bring happiness or satisfaction to anyone. If your confession causes surprise or confusion, show respect as well.

Say that you are ready to talk about your relationship if your friend / girlfriend has such a desire, or maybe over time you will understand without any words that the feelings are mutual.

About the Authors: Susie and Otto Collins are a married couple who have been counseling and coaching couples since 1999 and are the authors of several books.