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Perhaps you have a friend who always interrupts your thought with a story from his life that is not related to the topic of conversation. Or a loved one decides that he already knows what you want to say, and tries to finish the phrase for you. Both cases are not uncommon. Why is this happening and how can we change the situation?
Yes, in any spontaneous conversation we sometimes interrupt each other. Our brain generates some associations, we can be overwhelmed with enthusiasm – and we urgently want to share all this. Sometimes it even seems that such behavior brings us closer to the interlocutor. But if the listener constantly and as if deliberately interrupts the speaker, preventing him from finishing his thought, then he “pulls the blanket” over himself, disrupting the dynamics of the dialogue.
Why are we interrupted?
Often this happens because our words cause a strong emotional reaction in the opponent. Perhaps the reason for his desire to interrupt our speech lies in the “negative ego” of the interlocutor: subconsciously he wants to look like a right, good person in control of the situation. And it is the “negative ego” that makes a person react to something that, from his point of view, is wrong or incomprehensible in your words.
A violent reaction may also arise due to the fact that your speech causes the interlocutor to feel insecure or ashamed. As a result, he becomes aggressively defensive and blazes with righteous anger. And if you point out that he is interrupting you, the interlocutor may categorically refuse to admit that he was wrong.
As a result, you get a persistent feeling that you are not being listened to and not respected. In addition, the inability to speak calmly disrupts emotional contact. If this happens regularly, then your relationship with this person will inevitably begin to collapse. Fortunately, learning to defend your boundaries and politely put an impatient interlocutor in his place is not so difficult.
How to behave if your speech is interrupted
1. Take a deep breath
If you don’t know how to react, take a few deep breaths first. It is desirable that the exhalation last about twice as long as the inhalation. And try not to rush. This will help calm your nervous system and allow you to respond in a measured way rather than impulsively.
2. Ask the interlocutor if he wants to get feedback
You can safely ask, “Something bothers me in our conversation, do you mind if I tell you what it is?” By doing this, instead of immediately scolding or criticizing the interlocutor, you switch his attention: interrupt the flow of a person’s thoughts and return him to the present moment.
He will be forced to stop and answer – let’s say he says “Come on” or “Don’t.” If the interlocutor refuses your feedback, you will understand that he is not ready to meet you halfway now. And then it is worth trying to return to this topic later.
3. Thank the interlocutor
This may seem strange: after all, he constantly interrupts you! But remember: if you want to achieve a result, you should not get hung up on a single line of behavior.
Try to look at this person in a new way and find something in him that you appreciate. Your gratitude and appreciation will help defuse the tense situation and reduce the accumulated mutual hostility. For example, you might say, “I’m glad you’re so enthusiastic about listening to me and have something to say about this topic” or “I love that you and I have such lively discussions.”
4. Explain how you feel when you are interrupted
The phrase is enough: “When I tell something and I am interrupted, I go astray and forget what I wanted to say.” Or “When I tell something and someone interrupts me, it seems to me that they are not listening to me. It’s very annoying.” Pay attention that you are talking about yourself, and not about the interlocutor: this way you will not hurt his pride. You just share your feelings and emotions without blaming anyone.
5. Be open and avoid judgment
The interlocutor may interrupt you for a variety of reasons, so do not rush to blame. Perhaps he himself does not realize that he is not behaving very nicely. Or maybe his impatience is caused by joy and enthusiasm – and then disrespect for you has nothing to do with it.
6. Ask not to interrupt you again
Harmonious relationships are built on requests and agreements, not demands. The clearer your request is, the more likely it is that your interlocutor will listen to it. For example: “It will be much easier for me if you let me finish before answering. You do not mind?”
By following these rules, you will be able to have a dialogue in an atmosphere of mutual respect and full involvement and begin to truly listen and hear each other again.