Let’s say you burst into tears in a movie theater while watching a sentimental movie, and then you felt ashamed of your sadness. Perhaps, as a child, you rejoiced when your brothers or sisters were punished, and then felt guilty about these feelings. These are examples of meta-emotions. Psychologist Renee Thompson explains where they come from and how to deal with them.
Everyone has experienced meta-emotions—feelings that arise in response to other feelings. They are still poorly understood, so a team from the Emotion and Mental Health Laboratory at Washington University in St. Louis decided to conduct a study on this topic. We aimed to find out how people experience meta-emotions in everyday life. It was hoped that understanding the nature of these kinds of feelings would help to more effectively respond to them and increase well-being.
The study involved 79 people aged 20 to 71 years. They filled out questionnaires, which included questions about recently experienced depressive feelings. We also provided participants with a description and examples of meta-emotions to make sure they understood the concept.
During the experimental week, the participants’ smartphones reminded them 8 times a day to answer a series of questions. These questions allowed us to find out how attentive the participants are to their feelings at the moment and what meta-emotions they experience.
Gender, age and ethnicity do not affect the frequency of meta-emotions
We found that these emotions are quite widespread. More than half of the study participants reported that they tested them at least once per week of the experiment.
Meta-emotions are divided into four types:
- “negative-negative” – a sense of shame due to a feeling of sadness;
- “negative-positive” – a feeling of guilt due to a feeling of joy;
- “positive-positive” – a feeling of hope due to a sense of relief;
- “Positive-negative” – a feeling of pleasure from feeling anger.
The most common category in the study was “negative-negative”. This means that many people get frustrated, worried or angry because of their own negative emotions.
We found that people who were more likely to experience negative-negative meta-emotions also experienced more depressive feelings. This shows that this type can be especially problematic. Participants in the study were more likely to report them at times when they were generally paying more attention to their emotions. This is logical, as paying closer attention to one’s own feelings leads to more scrutiny and judgment.
It turned out that gender, age and ethnicity do not affect the frequency of meta-emotions. Most likely, the reason that people experience them differently lies in their upbringing. If you have been taught since childhood that emotions are a manifestation of weakness, most likely you will have a more negative attitude towards your own emotions in general.
How to deal with meta-emotions
Negative meta-emotions are part of everyday life. You need to learn how to respond to them correctly.
First, understand what kind of emotion you are experiencing. Try to describe it in words. What kind of “bad” feeling came over you? Is it sadness? Loneliness? Despair? Fear? Also notice how emotion manifests itself in the body and in the state of mind. Is your heart beating fast? Do you feel pressure in your chest? Do you want to get out of this situation as soon as possible?
Second, it’s good to appreciate negative emotions and the work they do for you. If the ancestors had not been frightened at the sight of a poisonous snake, you might never have been born. If you didn’t get angry when you’re being treated unfairly, you wouldn’t have the motivation to change the situation.
Negative emotions are important signals that warn you that something is wrong in the world around you. They can also signal to others that you need help or support. For example, when you’re feeling anxious, a friend might notice your facial muscles tense or your voice change and ask what’s wrong.
Meta-emotions from the “negative-negative” category indicate that you are judging or evaluating the initial feelings. This encourages you to analyze the emotional experience more deeply. Let’s say you feel guilty about being angry with your spouse. This guilt can prompt you to figure out why you really flared up and whether your anger is justified.
Remember that there is nothing wrong with experiencing negative meta-emotions.
You can then choose how to respond to the emotion. It all depends on whether she helps you in this situation. If, as in the example above, guilt has led to the realization that you were angry with your husband for nothing, it makes sense to try to resolve the conflict with him. In other situations, it may be impossible or pointless to try to change the situation at the behest of meta-emotions. For example, when people suffer from clinical depression, they often feel guilty about how they reacted in the past to events that can no longer be changed.
When we can’t change the original situation, it’s tempting to push the meta-emotion away from us. But research shows that this is not an effective approach. On the contrary, it is better to allow emotions to come and go. Treat them like uninvited guests. This metaphor reminds us that we can let guests into the house, even if we are not happy with their presence.
If the above strategies are not working for you, or you feel that negative meta-emotions are interfering with your daily life, you may need the help of a therapist. There is nothing wrong with experiencing negative meta-emotions. The main thing is to learn to understand them and deal with them effectively.
About the Expert: Renee Thompson is a professor of psychology at Washington University in St. Louis.