Contents
Every day you spend about eight hours at work, trying to meet deadlines and adjusting to various requirements. And of course, you have something to tell at home about the madness that you had to endure during the working day. But what if the relationship with a partner deteriorates because of this?
Do they benefit the relationship by complaining about a demanding and capricious manager or worrying about an upcoming presentation? No, and this is confirmed by recent studies. Stress at work is the most common cause of dissatisfaction in a relationship, with 35% of partners saying it’s the most serious problem in their relationship, according to a survey conducted on dating site eHarmony.
Chronic stress at work has become an epidemic. In a study by the American Psychological Association, 65% of respondents named their work as the main source of stress in life, and only 37% felt that they were good at coping with this stress. Such stress can have a devastating effect on family life. Let’s see how he destroys relationships and how to distinguish between work and personal life.
How stress at work hurts relationships
Experts on interpersonal relationships are sure that stress quietly has its negative effect. “When we “bring” stress home from work, this means that tension has accumulated in the nervous system that has not received a discharge, says psychotherapist Alexandra Keithakis. “We are looking for an opportunity to somehow reset it, and the partner becomes a victim.”
For example, we can begin to take out on him the resentment that we feel towards one of our colleagues. When we begin to involve a partner in professional problems, this is fraught with complications.
“Stress is the main enemy of libido,” says New York psychotherapist Megan Fleming. Not only intimate life suffers, a person often begins to regularly break down on his partner and be offended if he does not show sufficient sympathy for his problems.
Stress at work is dangerous for serious and long-term relationships
Partners in such couples usually expect that they can pour out their souls to each other after a hard day, and if it turns out that the second partner is not ready to listen and support them, resentment is possible. “When people get used to each other, often the attitude towards the partner changes and they are treated differently than, say, a close friend or someone they are trying to make a good impression on,” Keithakis says.
How and when is it (not) acceptable to complain?
Wait, isn’t a partner the same person we can always complain about problems to? It depends on what, say psychotherapists. “Serious questions — whether to quit your job or, conversely, whether to accept a job offer — are best discussed with a partner,” says Keithakis.
Being honest about your life and asking for advice can strengthen relationships. And constant complaints about colleagues are unlikely to be beneficial. Keithakis does not recommend talking about your troubles in great detail, instead, it is better to talk about how you were affected by what happened. “You can say, ‘I’ve been completely exhausted by this crazy day’ or ‘It makes me angry that my colleagues take advantage of my kindness all the time.’ This will allow you to “let off steam” a little, without burdening your partner with unnecessary details,” she recommends.
If you have a stressful job, try to relieve tension after the end of the working day without burdening your partner. Listen to relaxing music, go to the gym, or have a pre-dinner meditation session. “Many people find it difficult to mentally readjust after a day at work, and they come home exhausted,” explains Megan Fleming.
What if your partner complains about your life?
Listening to a loved one’s stories about problems at work can also be difficult. “If your partner is constantly stressed and lashes out at you, it can feel like you have to literally tiptoe when he or she comes home from work,” says Fleming.
By making it clear to your partner what you need, you increase the likelihood that you will be heard and understood.
If a partner constantly complains about life, it is worth discussing with him, choosing the right moment for a conversation, for example, while walking or watching your favorite TV shows. “Gently explain that it’s hard for you to listen to endless complaints and that this creates tension in your relationship,” Keithakis advises.
Don’t blame him, instead discuss how you feel about his behavior and suggest a solution to the problem. For example, set aside 15 minutes each evening for both of you to share your concerns with each other.
“You can start these evening conversations like this: “I need your advice” or “I just need to talk, can you listen for a couple of minutes?”.
By making it clear to your partner what you need, you increase the likelihood that you will be heard and understood, and then this conversation will help you feel better, ”says Keithakis. And after that, you can spend the rest of the evening in comfort, enjoying each other’s company, the best cure for stress has not yet been invented.