Contents
What to do if WhatsApp messages make me anxious
Psychology
The messages on the mobile, both the lack of them and receiving too many, can end up generating a feeling of overwhelm that is difficult to manage
WhatsApp, instant messaging itself, is so much a part of our lives that we even have a hard time thinking about how we communicated before using it compulsively. Because yes, we are hyperconnected; we answer messages continuously, either from our friends, our partner or our relatives. Even those “deniers” who say that “they control” send constant messages with other people, many times out of pleasure and many times out of social imperative.
And it is that, the omnipresent instant messaging often sets the rhythm of our life, something that can become a difficult situation to manage. «The fact of being constantly connected and accessible to communication with our environment, in some cases can be a source of anxiety. This occurs when we do not use technology in a healthy way, without any type of control or limit on our part, ”says Sara Prieto Gómez, a psychologist at the TAP Center.
This anxiety can be caused by two reasons. On the one hand, the trigger may be receiving many messages and feeling the need to reply to them even if you don’t have time. On the other, the opposite case: receiving few and missing a certain degree of attention. If we observe the first scenario, the psychologist comments that the increased accessibility in communication with others gives rise to a excess in the number of messages we can receive. This, if coupled with that feeling of responsibility of having to answer, can create a certain burden. «Anxiety is a mechanism that helps us cope with difficult or complex situations. When the demand is greater than the resources we think we have, the stress response appears », says the professional.
Guilt for not responding quickly
Ruth González Ousset, professor at UAM, sexologist, psychotherapist and couple therapist at Ruth González Terapia adds, that we live in a society in which not only immediacy prevails, but a constant connection pattern in which we are expected to have full availability. «Guilt appears for having been slow to answer. We apologize when we start answering a message, “says the professional. He points out that there are more and more cases of people who feel they are unable to turn off or silence their mobile.
On the other side of the scale are people who feel discomfort or insecurity if they receive fewer messages than expected. “In this sense, it is important not to lose sight of the fact that these applications are only one of the means with which communication is established,” says Sara Prieto Gómez, who adds that, although a person receives many messages and has a large number of conversations in this way, maybe, in reality, lcommunication is very poor or superficial. “In any case, if this is something that causes discomfort in the person, it is important to highlight the importance of assertiveness. Once you have identified how you feel about it and what is the need that is not being covered, you have the resources to launch a communication in which that discomfort is expressed, ”says the professional.
I get overwhelmed if they don’t answer me
Another scenario that normally generates anguish or anxiety is when a person visualizes our messages, but does not answer us. Here come into playanticipatory thoughts. «In the case of feeling overwhelmed or unwell, we are likely to think things like:« he has read the message and got angry »,« he does not care about me and that is why he does not answer me »…, in the end we are trying to guess what he is going to do. pass with a very negative filter and from very little information », explains Sara Prieto Gómez. He also warns that, if our expectation in relation to communication is based on the fact that it must be immediate and that the other must answer us in a few seconds or minutes, it is easy to feel frustrated when it is not fulfilled.
Ruth González Ousset comments that if we reach a point where we feel frustration or anxiety, the most important thing is to “invoke common sense.” “You do not have to live or glued to your mobile and much less thinking about the immediacy of response,” he says and recommends, for example, modify the options that come by default in the Whatsapp: remove the connection time and the double check. “Each person has to find a middle point in which they are well and do not make this application their prison,” he says.
For her part, the TAP Center psychologist leaves some tips to avoid anxiety in the two scenarios:
If we receive many messages
- Establish limits and times or times of the day in which we can meet those demands
- Do not fall into the trap of thinking that if we are not connected 24 hours something important will happen and we will not find out
- We can notify our environment so that they know how to locate us in case of an emergency
If we receive few messages
- Establish what our needs are and what we really want to change
- Recognize if we want to increase the number of messages we receive in general, or have more relationship with ‘X’ person
- Adjusting expectations and sharing needs would be the key to making a change
If the use of WhatsApp can normally be a source of anguish, when we talk about this, in relation to a couple dynamic, the feeling can be magnified, since both dependence on technology and dependence on a partner come into play. «They are two different concepts but they are closely related because in both cases we seek, through external reinforcement, lessen a feeling of insecurity or fear», Indicates Sara Prieto Gómez. He comments that there are couples whose dynamics are based on very frequent communication through WhatsApp; If this is generalized, it can generate a lot of discomfort, since the other will not always be available to answer. “In cases in which this situation occurs constantly, a problem of emotional dependence can be hidden underneath,” he indicates. Ruth González adds that when these cases occur, many times we not only speak of a burden, but also of insecurities. “Here we would be treating a type of insecure attachment, which rather than brings the couple closer, in most cases, moves away,” he indicates and adds that, in these cases, it is advisable to discuss this with a professional.
Five tips to use WhatsApp in a healthy way
Finally, both professionals leave a list of tips to interact in a healthy way with instant messaging:
1. When we encounter difficulties in communication through WhatsApp, look for more efficient alternatives.
2. Respect the moment of each one; do not demand that they answer us immediately or require ourselves to answer.
3. If it is urgent not to use this means of communication that is what the calls or other means.
4. Mute groups on those of us who are involved and clean them from time to time wondering what we are in them for.
5. Don’t forget that WhatsApp is just one of the ways we communicate with others and that the broader our range of communication, the better we will feel about ourselves and our relationships.