Contents
- 1. Be honest with your partner about your needs
- 2. Discuss what promotes and hinders sex
- 3. Don’t pressure or criticize your partner, but seduce him
- 4. Take turns initiating intimacy
- 5. Check if your partner is attracted to caresses and kisses
- 6. Get help
- 7. Express your sexual energy calmly and lovingly.
Relationships with a person who has lost interest in sex can feel lonely. Unfortunately, the mismatch of the sexual needs of partners is more common than we think.
What if your sexual desires do not match and you have faced rejection from your partner several times? A few tips from psychotherapists-sexologists.
1. Be honest with your partner about your needs
Don’t distance yourself from your partner. “The first step to improving your intimate life is to say that you would like more frequent intimacy,” says San Francisco sexologist Keele Rankin, “see how your partner reacts. Listen to what he or she has to say about their own feelings and desires. Perhaps, in fact, the partner also wants to be closer. ”
2. Discuss what promotes and hinders sex
If you don’t ask, you won’t know why your partner isn’t interested in sex. Perhaps at the end of the day he is too tired, experiencing a lot of stress. It is possible that he suffers from some physiological problems associated with sex, in which case it is quite understandable why he does not seek intimacy.
“You need to take into account the various life, emotional and physical problems that can interfere with sex and affect libido. If, for example, a partner has been dealing with other people’s problems all day, he will most likely not have time for sex, because first he needs to restore energy and unwind a little, forgetting about business, ”says San Francisco sexologist Elizabeth McGrath.
Once you have identified the possible causes of problems, work with your partner to consider how they can be overcome or circumvented. Make an appointment with a doctor, give your partner time to rest one evening, taking his cares upon yourself.
3. Don’t pressure or criticize your partner, but seduce him
“The mismatch of sexual needs can be exacerbated if a partner who needs sex less often is constantly pushed about this,” says psychotherapist and sexologist Daniella Harel. The problem creates a repetitive scenario, the spouse, who wants sex more often, complains or criticizes the spouse, as a result, if she agrees to intimacy, then out of a sense of duty.
Agree that you will take turns initiating some form of physical intimacy first.
“Instead of putting pressure on your partner, try to find out what turns him on the most and try to seduce. Try saying, “It’s okay if we don’t have sex today, but you don’t want to try something and see if the mood pops up,” says Daniella Harel.
4. Take turns initiating intimacy
If you find yourself stuck in a repetitive scenario where you keep offering to have sex and your partner refuses, offer your loved one another option. Ask him if he would also like to initiate intimacy sometimes—say, once every few days.
“Agree that you take turns initiating some form of physical intimacy first. It doesn’t have to end with an orgasm, it’s just a good time without any specific purpose. If today is your turn, then tomorrow let your partner take the first step, ”advises sexologist Moushumi Gose.
5. Check if your partner is attracted to caresses and kisses
Resuming sexual intercourse is best done gradually. “Often when one partner asks for sex, what they really want is to feel connected to the partner, to feel his or her love and attention. Remember that enthusiasm must be mutual, if one agrees to sex as a favor, without getting pleasure, the second one will not receive full satisfaction either, ”explains sexologist Celeste Hirschman.
6. Get help
Instead of thinking about what is missing in the relationship, focus on the mutual liking and intimacy that still exists. “Perhaps you should attend special trainings or just supplement your sex education. Think about all the possibilities and constantly discuss with your partner what else you can do together,” says Elizabeth McGrath.
7. Express your sexual energy calmly and lovingly.
If your libido is stronger than your partner’s, don’t be discouraged.
“Partners with a stronger libido often feel rejected and unsatisfied, and as a result, they become impatient in sex. Often this worsens the situation even more: a partner with a strong libido can refuse sex himself, which, of course, will aggravate the situation, ”says sexologist Ian Kerner.
The best thing to do is to be patient and not give up. Any positive experience of intimacy (erotic massage, mutual caresses) will gradually arouse desire.