Modern children are first-class manipulators. They masterfully twist ropes from their parents, and they give up. To the question: “What to do?” they have no answer. healthy-food-near-me.com found three interesting cases on the forum and asked psychologist Natalia Shevtsova to comment on them.
Very often, family quarrels “children – parents” are the first to emerge victorious, because adults either do not have authority, or the strength and experience to cope with their own child. Let’s try to deal with typical cases of child disobedience.
– Initially, the position of the parent-child dispute is already a losing one for the first option. A parent is an authority, the main person in the family, an undisputed leader and commander! The life and safety of children depends on the parent. As he said, so be it. But, unfortunately, these days everything is confused and turned upside down.
We confuse caring and tenderness with weakness, discipline with aggression, love with guardianship, and so on on the list! What happens when a parent argues with a child? On an intuitive level, he makes it clear that he himself is not sure of his actions, and if he is not sure, then it means that he is not competent, and since he is not competent, then there is no need to talk about authority. So the child feels that he has no one to rely on, and he has to make the decision himself. What should an adult do in a similar situation?
First, you need to calmly and carefully listen to the child, asking him about the reason why he does not want to wear certain clothes. Not all children at the age of 10 can adequately argue their actions, and if the child is used to being shouted at and accused all the time, then even if he knew how to argue, he would not. If you are used to defending yourself from eternal attacks, insults and comparisons with other children, then it is quite natural that he will defend himself in an accessible way: to argue, cry, be capricious, etc. And in the meantime, the reason why he does not want to wear this or that the clothes can be weighty, for example, the pants are too small and crush, the sweater is scratchy, the shirt was laughed at by classmates or a girl he sympathizes with. At 10 years old, this problem may already be quite urgent. And it’s embarrassing or embarrassing to say this, especially if the level of trust and communication in the family is low.
Perhaps, out of habit, the child will react with rebellion even to your delicate questions, but do not give up, control yourself and do not slip into the usual behavior. So, step by step, adequate communication will replace scandals and disputes. The child will feel respected, and over time, respect will be mutual.
– Children often try to attract the attention of their parents in this way. Moreover, from the story of the mother it is obvious: the child is alone at home all day. Communication and participation of parents in their lives is very important for children. It is important to share the events that happened during the day, to feel the warmth and support of a loved one.
In this case, try to make it a rule to give your daughter at least 15-20 minutes after returning home. Do not have dinner together, do not check the lessons and the readiness of the backpack for tomorrow, do not reproach that things are scattered, but just talk, ask how the day went, what was at school.
Do not try to arrange interrogation for show. Children feel this much more strongly than we adults think about it. Perhaps after a week of such love therapy, the child will happily take care of himself and the house.
– I will assume that in this case, the opposite of the past situation: excessive custody. A child already at a fairly adult age behaves irresponsibly and infantile, and also sheds tears. I’m used to the fact that everything is decided and done for him. Mom for him is a cook, a cleaning lady, an alarm clock, and a personal secretary. In general, the servant! And it is not accepted to report to the servants, but, oddly enough, she demands, she also shakes her rights.
So you have to “shed tears”. Here, of course, therapy will not be easy for both the mother and the boy. It is necessary to collect all the will into a fist and stop patronizing him. Place the reins of responsibility in his hands: do not wake him up or push him to school; late – let him answer to the teacher. Do not feed a cold lunch: if you missed it, go hungry until next time.
In a couple of times he will stop being late. Simply put, discipline, discipline, discipline. If you are not sorry for your son’s future, you will now have to step over yourself and restore what you have missed. The sooner the better and the fewer the consequences!