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At the beginning of the relationship, sex was simply stunning, but that spark has long died out. Or you have recently begun a promising romance, but you cannot achieve sexual harmony with a new partner. Is it about you or him? Is your wonderful relationship doomed to fail because of a lack of passion in bed?
You will have to make an effort, but the problem is definitely solvable. Here’s what you can do to achieve harmony in your relationship, both in and out of the bedroom:
Rule out health problems
When a couple has problems of a sexual nature, it is worth first of all to check whether they are caused by health problems.
Perhaps sex is not satisfying because of the pain, anxiety, or side effects of medication. It is worth eliminating these factors before starting to understand the relationship between partners.
Some drugs are especially insidious in this regard: for example, strong painkillers and many antidepressants can reduce libido.
Discuss the situation with a partner
None of us want to admit to a partner we are crazy about that sex with him does not satisfy us. However, the desire to change something in intimate life makes it possible to improve mutual understanding.
In other words, being open will help you get closer. It is better to start this conversation by showing curiosity. If you are not happy with the frequency of sex, you can, for example, say: “I suddenly became interested – why did we stop making love as often as before?”
Whatever your problems, it is important to approach them openly and creatively.
If you feel disharmony with your partner, say, for example: “You and I seem to be dancing to different music. How can we find a common rhythm? To make this conversation constructive, it is important to clearly and specifically state what exactly does not suit you, and offer some solutions.
For example, you can say: “I think when we caress each other, you don’t really like the way I do it and this. Maybe try harder and faster (or, conversely, slower and more gentle)?” Partners should clearly and in detail explain what exactly they want – it’s not enough just to say: “I like it this way, but I don’t really like it that way.”
Experiment in the bedroom
After identifying problems and possible solutions, try them out in practice. Maybe you need more foreplay to rekindle your passion, or maybe you should try something new that you haven’t allowed yourself before.
Whatever your problems are, it’s important to be open and creative with them – try role-playing games, a change of scenery, slow romantic music, sex toys, or something else. It may seem counterintuitive, but sexologists also recommend solo masturbation. This will not divert your sexual attention from your partner, but on the contrary, it will help you get closer, because masturbation allows you to get to know yourself better, understand what turns you on and how to reach an orgasm.
By telling your partner about this, you may well be able to rekindle a faded passion.
Seek help from a specialist
If you still can’t return the extinguished desire, but both of you are determined to fix it, it may be time to contact a specialist. A sex therapist can help you identify your “erotic patterns”—what turns you on the most.
In the presence of a professional, it is easier for many to honestly explain to a partner what does not suit them and what they would like.
It is important to understand that sex therapy is not limited to solving any specific problems. Working with a sexologist helps you learn more about sexuality, grow, develop, and decide to try something new.