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So, your teen has fallen in love for the first time. You began to notice how he or she is combing hair in a new way, is nervous about clothes and does not eat well … But at the same time, the child flies like a butterfly, and sings all the love songs. And this soaring suddenly stopped. First love turned out to be a disappointment. Your words and actions during this period are very important. You have no idea how the first bad relationship experience can affect the rest of your adult life …
Dad can proudly blur out: “Son! Yes, you will have thousands of them! ” Mom with good intentions to declare: “Daughter, you have such fools …” The older brother will laugh, and the grandmother will fatten, saying that all these girls want only one thing …
Remember only one thing. The boy or girl you like is the choice of your teenager. And there won’t be a thousand of them. And he is not a fool. And it is very difficult for the child at this moment. Let’s look at how to act in different situations and with different degrees of love, albeit the first.
Love and tears “on the poster”
“I don’t know what to do… My daughter cries in front of the laptop monitor when she watches movies with Evan Peters. Who is that? I have no idea! Some cute kid actor. This is some kind of deviation. At home there are posters and hearts with his name … ”
Mom of 13-year-old Nastya
The fact is that the feeling of love develops in stages. And the first of them is platonic love. That is, passion for the image: favorite actor, singer, athlete. Moms and dads must understand: without this stage, it is impossible to further develop normal relations between a man and a woman. So encourage platonic hobbies. Otherwise, having not played enough in them, already adult women “get stuck” at the stage of being carried away by the image. Hence the many years of falling in love with married men and men according to the same external type.
What to do: calm down. This is fine. And temporarily. Girls who have gone through “poster” love adapt better in relationships with boys. They are not so jealous of the chosen ones.
Good kids fall in love with bad kids
“Our boy is so smart. Excellent student, athlete. And I contacted a girl from the next doorway, who smokes, swears, and her family … How could this happen? What did she do to him? ”
Parents of 15-year-old Sasha
Remember, good kids should have good self-esteem. Low self-esteem leads to the fact that the teenager begins to assert himself at the expense of others. Looking for a girl “cooler” and older. The one who begins to evaluate him differently than the demanding parents. Praise your child, tell him how wonderful he is. Gradually talk about how wonderful it is to have a person next to you who shares his hobbies, also looks at the world, is engaged in music and reading. This is for example.
What to do: it is not scary if a teenager chooses a “wrong” girlfriend, but parents should not allow him to be in the company of a girl who is able to accustom him to alcohol and drugs or involve him in risky or illegal acts. In such cases, it is necessary to intervene and put an end to such a “romance”. But if the teenager is not in moral or physical danger, let him deal with his friends himself. It is important that he makes the right decision.
Endless Love…
“The teenager has completely changed with this love … She is late for school. Comes home late. There is nothing we can do. He just snaps. He spends all the time with this girl, asks for money for a movie and a cafe. Closes with her in the room. He dropped out of school … “
XNUMXth grade mother Kirill
We congratulate you on your son’s first love. But all behavioral deviations are not at all associated with the appearance of a girl. Boundaries are the foundation of human relationships. There are no boundaries – there will be no maturity, security and personal growth. Creating boundaries and keeping them intact is what matters with a teenager.
What to do: first of all, it is the border of returning home. You must announce the time. At ten in the evening. There will be a war. But you will win.
The child himself will be grateful to you, even if he never expresses this gratitude out loud.
For him, the feeling of control and guardianship is not only practical, but also psychological: he feels the stability of his life, its reliability, feels the firmness of his parents, feels that they are ready to bear responsibility for him. Don’t raise your voice. Set boundaries for school and study. After all, everything else is no longer so important.
I was abandoned. He chose another …
“For the second day my daughter does not eat anything. First love, and the boy began to date her friend. I am very afraid for her. She only cries and sleeps. She does not need any words of consolation, she drives me away … “
Mom of 16-year-old Julia
You cannot explain anything … The child understands everything as it is. But the reason is not in the head, but in the emotions. Therefore, we suffer together, we worry, we cry. If the child wants to hug, hug. You can only give support, attention and contact. And don’t say that the guy is bad or that all this will soon pass … Only aggression will appear. A teenager in love suffers “here and now.” He cannot see the future in this state. This is the most “scary” moment in his life.
What to do: first love is the first personal test for a person. Rehearsal and the emergence of mature feelings. It’s like an artist’s work: the final touch, which is very important. First love is very honest and touching. The boy and the girl still do not quite understand and accept each other. They love … the very love that originated in them. The meaning of the first feeling is precisely that – to learn how to manage your emotions, to express feelings, and at the same time to receive lessons in communication with the opposite sex, to learn to take care of someone, to show tenderness, attention. A negative experience of rejection is also important. It is this experience that allows in the future to correctly respond to difficulties, to be careful with their actions, to know who to trust, whom to love. Get your child vaccinated. But you must empathize, be with him at this moment, go through this tragedy together.
Tell your teenager this story.
One famous doctor said: “Even the deepest depression (resentment, pain) always ends at some point. You just have to live – day after day. Even if it’s very hard – live today. Only today! “
The next day he said the same thing.