What to do if a partner cannot experience an orgasm

The most common reaction is anxiety. We begin to doubt — what if we are doing something wrong? Maybe we don’t give him/her any pleasure at all? Such experiences often lead to conflict or tension in the relationship, which makes the partners lose their desire to make love.

Many people find it difficult to achieve orgasm. I am a sexologist and in my practice I often meet clients of both sexes who complain about this problem. As a result, they feel dissatisfied, angry with themselves, begin to lose hope and become depressed.

Orgasm is wonderful and healthy, and best of all, if no one is left out. Sex should be enjoyable, not stressful.

Of course, if one of the partners fails to experience it, this often deprives both of them of the opportunity to get full pleasure and satisfaction from sex.

Here are some simple tips to help you stop blaming yourself, learn to enjoy your bodily sensations, and bring your partner to orgasm.

1. Remember that you are not the problem. Perhaps many want to believe that they are in control of their partner’s orgasm. Often the problem is not with you, but with the characteristics of his or her body.

2. Be patient. Most likely, the partner who fails to achieve orgasm suffers from this much more than you. Show patience and understanding, give him / her the opportunity to deal with their experiences.

3. Ask your partner what kind of touch he/she likes the most. Because of the resulting tension and dissatisfaction, it is often difficult for partners to speak honestly and openly with each other. Meanwhile, healthy communication implies openness.

Questions like “Do you prefer light touch or hard pressure?”, “What is your most sensitive area of ​​the body?”, “What kind of touch turns you on?” help set the right mood and show your healthy curiosity. Sometimes partners are so preoccupied with reaching the finish line that they forget that the process itself is more important than the result.

4. Take a break and take care of your own satisfaction. If you feel sexually frustrated and find it difficult to fully focus on your partner, take a break and take care of your pleasure. If you forgot about yourself in trying to help your partner reach orgasm, you should take a break and think about your pleasure.

Masturbating in front of a partner is completely normal and can be very erotic. It is possible that by stopping focusing on your partner’s orgasm and shifting attention to yourself, you can relieve the tension that has accumulated between you. Well, then you can resume caresses and again try to find a way to please your partner.

5. Pay more attention to foreplay. Try slow and sensual caresses, give each other a massage. By focusing on something simple, basic, you can defuse the situation. The secret to good sex is to turn your head off and focus on your body.

6. Just enjoy the moment. During sex, do not overload yourself verbally and emotionally. Take a shower together, show how much you appreciate and are grateful to each other, and enjoy intimate communication. By persistently trying to please your partner, feeling guilty about the fact that you cannot «give» her or him an orgasm, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to simply enjoy the fact that you are together now.

7. Be curious and get to know your partner better. Get creative, learn new techniques, try to get to know your partner’s body better. Each person needs an individual approach, including ways to achieve orgasm. Some need a little imagination and role play. Others are excited by obscene talk. Some people need more time to «warm up» and get excited.

Stop blaming yourself and get creative with intimate relationships, and then you can change a lot for the better. In my practice, I have observed many couples who were able to radically improve their relationship, tune in to the same wavelength in intimate life and get to know each other from a completely new side. Remember, sex is the pleasure you deserve!