Bad words – unfortunately, children cannot be protected from them. Even if he doesn’t hear swearing at home, there is always a street, a garden and a school. And peers – not all of them have a ban at home.
*****! – said my five-year-old child, when he did not give in to the boot, which he was trying to take off.
Let me explain: behind the asterisks hiding words at the request of Roskomnadzor, there is one bad word that was used by both Yesenin and Mayakovsky. It means a female walking. Now it is used as an interjection, expressing the extreme degree of irritability and annoyance. Well, or just as a link between words. Definitely not suitable for children.
I thought what I heard.
– *****! – again flew out of a gentle child’s mouth at the harmful buttons.
No, you didn’t hear it.
– Son, do you know what this word means?
– Well, – Timofey raised his pure innocent eyes at me, – that’s how Dimka says in the kindergarten when he gets dressed.
Dimka is the best friend. Hmm, you can’t get away from society. Even if adults do not use swear words at home, they can get acquainted with obscene vocabulary of preschool children anywhere. Even in the senior kindergarten group. And what to do?
– Treat it like a growing up phenomenon. For him, there is still no difference between censorship and obscene. What you should definitely not do is scold your child. So you can awaken in him an interest and a hyper-need to pronounce such words – since mom reacted like this, then there is something in it. It is also not necessary to ignore what happened, hoping that then he will simply forget them: he may not forget. You need to react calmly and at the same time it is very important to stay in contact with the baby, talk, explain. But don’t use bad words. For whom are they bad? Why, if they are bad, are they still spoken about? Focus on the family: such words are not spoken in our family. This, by the way, is a good reason to have a conversation about family values.
Okay, I’ll talk to my child. But you want to eliminate the “source” of the trouble. The next day, I delicately raise the topic in a conversation with Dima’s dad.
“Yes, in the know,” the man waves his hand in annoyance. – My brother came to visit, he does not follow the language at all. And this one has ears on the top of his head, he absorbed everything. And he also laughs, it’s funny to him, you see, when a child swears. Now I don’t know what to do, even hit it on the lips.
Beating, of course, is not an option. But hearing from other parents that your child is the main swearing man is also unpleasant. Options?
– It is clear that if the child brought these words from the family, then he must start with himself. But in fact, there are situations when children, most often leaders by nature, can “catch” such words on the street or somewhere else. Our reaction – shyness, embarrassment, laughter – will provoke them to even more frequent use. And the ban will cause them internal protest and backlash.
Here, of course, a lot depends on the character of the child, but you can, left alone, try to come up with a fairy tale with him. About a boy who uttered swear words (and once let him say all of them). Children did not want to play with him. Together, come up with a possible punishment for such a boy. Perhaps such immersion in the role will help the child to look at the situation from a different angle and understand how offensive and unpleasant it is to hear this.
Have you noticed? Our expert in all cases emphasizes: the emphasis in the conversation should be on the family. But what to do if at home they do not swear at home, but talk?
– I am very emotional, – Vitaly admits. – I understand everything, but it’s hard to restrain myself. I’d rather swear properly and relax.
Vitaly’s six-year-old son in terms of obscene vocabulary can give odds to any loader, foreman and even a warrant officer. True, dad tries to preserve the moral character of his son, and Tikhon periodically “flies” from a caring parent.
– I tell him that I am an adult, I can. This, of course, is not good, but I cannot be an ideal and a role model in everything. He’s a child, he can’t. In the end, I am in charge, I set the rules in my house, – this is how Vitaly argues.
– The policy of double standards in this case is unacceptable. If you allow yourself to express in front of the child, then allow him to express too. But then explain that there are certain situations when they don’t say that: in front of strangers, in public places. At 5-6 years old, the child is already able to learn this. The categorical position of “I am an adult” can be dangerous because the child will strive to do the same in order to become an “adult” too. Then you need to explain why you are not equal: I am older, I work, I am responsible for you, and so on. It is always good if the adult is open to dialogue. And “slapping” by authority can provoke a backlash.
But if it is still forgivable for a preschool child to use words, the meaning of which he does not understand, then with adolescents it is more and more difficult. There is a school near my house. And every time I walk past her during a break, I want to cover with my hands not only the baby’s ears, but also myself.
I remember myself at fourteen. I confess, yes, they swore. Many and often. It was such an indicator of “coolness”, a way of self-affirmation, self-expression. Sorry for the expression, show-off. And – a subtle point – if it was about feelings and emotions, then embarrassment was often hidden behind rude words.
Well, times are changing, the problems of adolescence remain. But if earlier we could not even think to swear in front of adults, and even more so parents, now this line, alas, has been erased.
– Of course, these are the problems of the adolescent crisis. And it occurs in modern children now all earlier, maybe even from the age of nine. To some extent, this crisis is similar to the crisis of three-year-olds; in both cases, children feel the boundaries of what is permitted. And here we have to establish very strict rules, and again with an emphasis on the family. We don’t say that at home, and this is followed by a certain fine, punishment. At the same time, there should be no concessions, for example, yesterday we punished you for mate, and today you brought an A from school, okay, this time we forgive. It is not right.