The trend of recent years is that children have become much more active and restless. The old pedagogical methods no longer work with them. And what can work to finally stop complaining about a child because of bad behavior, says our expert.
candidate of psychological sciences, practicing psychologist.
“Today’s junior high school students live in a world filled with intrusive information, which makes them emotionally vulnerable and distracted. They do not understand why they need to learn to count in a column, if they always have a calculator at hand in their smartphone. Why memorize information when you can find it on the Internet in two clicks, ”says Tatiana Pavlova.
However, high school students also lack the motivation to work hard and form a habit of self-discipline. The society is now promoting easy success, quick achievement of results. Why study physics when you can become a blogger and make crazy money. True, this will also require a lot of work, but this is not visible.
Active, restless, they can hardly concentrate on the lessons. Teachers go to their parents with complaints about schoolchildren, they sort things out with the child, but for some reason the situation does not get better. What can be done to break this vicious circle? First you have to understand why your child misbehaves at school.
1. Modern children are really bored at school. Because they already in the first grade know what virtual reality is, and sometimes they handle gadgets even better than the teacher. And they are forced to write with chalk on a blackboard for 11 years.
How to fix it? Adults also need to keep up with the times. Teachers and parents will have to master modern gadgets. After all, they can become excellent assistants in training and education.
2. Children operate with information in a different way – not the way we do. Teachers, like parents, have a cognitive sphere organized in a different way. In other words, their intelligence was formed in completely different conditions. So much for a generational conflict, communication difficulties and, as a result, scandals.
How to fix it? In this case, I would recommend that adults master this very virtual reality in order to understand at least a little bit through what prism their children look at the world.
3. The overprotectiveness of adults, often characteristic of anxious parents. Adults deprive children of independence and initiative. Moreover, they act in purely good intentions, helping and protecting their child. But as a result, children grow up lacking initiative, insecure, afraid to make decisions. When they find themselves face to face with difficulties, they give up.
How to fix it? The advice is clear: give your children more freedom. Controlled freedom, so to speak. Delegate authority by trusting your children and demonstrating faith in their strengths, capabilities, and abilities.
4. And vice versa, lack of control, connivance kills the desire to learn and overcome learning difficulties.
How to fix it? The advice on controlled freedom is also relevant here.
5. Control the childbut without pressure and surveillance. Trusting, check – this refers to education. Check the information the child is telling you.
6. While the child is still in elementary school, continue the tradition of reading books before bed, watch children’s films together and discuss them later, analyze different situations that occur in children’s groups (“How would you do in this case?”).
An upbringing approach, style is not the only thing that influences a child’s behavior, including at school.
Age crises (7 years old, adolescent, etc.) – study the symptoms specific to each period in order to understand what is normal and what is not so good. As a rule, when parents understand: here they are, all the signs of an age crisis are evident in their child, and this is not at all scary, they calm down. There is no need to worry, everything is normal with the child. It is necessary to develop constructive ways of reacting to the “bad” behavior of the child. And the main thing is to be patient and wait until the crisis is over.
Family atmosphere. Very often, the child reacts with his behavior to changes and problems in the family – the birth of a second child, parental conflicts, change of place of residence, etc. Even if the child does not hear the quarrels, he feels the emotional background of the mother, the family as a whole. Therefore, a child in a difficult period must be supported and more attentive to him.
The mood of the parents. Ask yourself: is everything okay with me? What mood am I in most often? Very often, the child’s behavior is a reaction to what happens to the parents. It is possible that there are no particularly alarming events, and everything is fine, but mom or dad has a blues, increased anxiety, apathy. Depression specialists say the child has no protection against parental depression. Therefore, if you understand that you have problems, take care of yourself, and the child’s behavior will change.
And the last thing. Whatever happens, believe and trust your children! They can handle it. They will become good people. We are required to be with them, support them, accept them for who they are, and love them for who they are.