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Hello! Breaking up with a girl is not an easy process, even if you were together for a very short time. And even more so if there are doubts about the correctness of your decision. And today I want to introduce you to ways that will help alleviate suffering and mentally recover in order to return the joy of life as soon as possible, and the ability to wake up feeling calm, and not anxiety and pain.
How to make the right choice
In order to understand whether you need this relationship or not, try to find time to be alone and do an exercise that will help you make a choice. Difficulties appear when some values, interests, priorities and desires of two different people do not coincide. And this is quite normal, there are no identical personalities, no matter how much one would like to believe in it.
But sometimes some, for example, character trait is completely unacceptable for a partner. And then it is important for him to honestly answer himself whether he is ready to reconcile with her or not. In any case, the illusion of a «re-education» or a miraculous «cure» of a loved one should be discarded. Either you accept or you don’t.
An exercise
- So, for starters, I propose to write out 10 qualities of your “former” lover that annoy you, make you angry, and generally don’t like it very much.
- Then try to rephrase them, convert them into opposites. For example, a quality that is often found in girls — squandering, can be changed to a more positive one — the ability to enjoy shopping.
- After compiling the second list, analyze how each of these qualities «gets along» and manifests itself in you. Sometimes, no matter how much we want to admit it, but what we don’t like in other people, we actually reject in ourselves, so much so that we don’t even notice. No wonder there was a saying about the fact that «You can’t see a log in your own eye.»
- Then you will have to dream up, that is, try to answer the question for yourself how long you could put up with these negative qualities of a partner. Suppose you can imagine yourself in a year together under such circumstances as now, without the illusion of «re-education»? And if in five? Or even 10 years?
- If you understand that you could not endure so much, then ask the question differently: “Why do I want to renew the relationship?”, Or, if you have not had time to leave, then “Why am I still staying with her?”, “What do I get from the fact that I endure what I don’t like?”. The questions are not easy, and the answers may not come immediately, but when they do, it will become easier for you to make a choice.
Recommendations
If you decide to return your beloved, then you will have to initially have a heart-to-heart talk with her, discussing unacceptable moments, and stating your feelings and willingness to try again, because she is expensive.
If you understand that you can no longer endure and accept something, then the following recommendations on how to survive a breakup will come in handy.
It is important to realize that it will not be easy, that for some time you will experience pain, anxiety and doubt. But over time, you will begin to gradually return to your usual course, regaining the opportunity to enjoy and enjoy life without it. There are so-called stages of living grief, absolutely anyone, because even the loss of a pet can completely knock the ground out from under someone’s feet. About what they are, you will learn in detail from the following article.
Now, let’s see what steps you need to take:
1 step
So, after realizing, the first step is to experience the pain. It is very important not to try to show others that everything is fine with you, that you are a real man and do not worry at all. In no case do not crush feelings inside yourself, otherwise the healing process will drag on for a long time, significantly spoiling your life. So, how can you release emotions into the wild without harming yourself and loved ones?
Write a letter to your ex-lover, in which you lay out all the thoughts that oppress and interfere. Just throw out on paper all the negativity, accumulated anger, disappointment, resentment, maybe even tenderness and regret that this happened. Then tear it to shreds or burn it.
Or go to the gym and beat a pear well, and so every day. Just imagine an object in front of you that causes suffering, and hit until you feel that there are no forces, that it has become empty inside. To fill yourself with positive, you need a place that now needs to be freed from unpleasant, tormenting emotions.
Imaginary conversation also helps. Place a chair or armchair in front of you, or just go to nature and lay out everything that has accumulated in your soul. Do this until you realize that you have freed yourself from negativity, and now you are just sad and don’t want anything.
2 step
Now it’s time to take the next step — let go of the former partner. Here you have to face reality and realize that as it was, it will never be again, and the past cannot be returned. But there is an opportunity to experience a new experience, to try in a different way.
Discard completely the thought that after a while the beloved will come to her senses and return. As long as you entertain illusions, you will simply stand still, wasting time.
3 step
Reappraisal. Remember your whole life together, just imagine that you are an outside observer, just watching a movie about the meeting and development of relations between two people. Analyze their actions, words, at what point, and in connection with what did the difficulties begin? At what stage did the split occur? Conflict of interest? Misunderstanding?
Suppose, earlier, when she paid little attention to you, talking about the blockage at work — you believed, and faithfully waited. But now it became clear that they were not so significant for her. Or flirting with other men in front of you was regarded as a desire to arouse jealousy in you — but in fact it turned out that she did not care about your feelings.
Most often, the pain is disappointing that the expectations were not confirmed, and if you understand what a real person really is, and not how you would like to see him, then it becomes easier to accept the gap and come to terms with it, and not try to reverse it, running into the same problems.
4 step
Now is the time to muster up the courage to break the bond, if it still exists. Swings (together — not together) will only add to anxiety, and worsen the condition. Compromise will not work here, or you broke up, or you are trying to improve relations.
To make it easier and less likely to remind you of her recent presence, arrange a house cleaning, rearrangement, maybe even repairs. Change the screensaver on your phone or computer, throw away cups with joint photos, some trash, saved love messages and more.
It is important to understand that the less it reminds you of the breakup, the faster you will return to the usual rhythm of life. As soon as you notice that you indulge in suffering and dreams about her, immediately drive yourself to training, to visit, to go for a walk. For this you had time at the previous stages, now there is a completely different task.
5 step
Get rid of intrusive thoughts. The internal dialogue is very useful, it helps to understand a lot, but if your head is constantly spinning, something like this: «No one will love me, I will never be happy again, no one needs me …» and so on, then urgently take on arming the recommendations from the article «Top 10 techniques for getting rid of obsessive thoughts in the head for independent use.»
6 step
Forgiveness. If you hold a grudge, it will be like you take on a bag of rocks and move on with your life. Forgive her actions, words and her in general, for your own sake. To move on easily, and without unnecessary burden. You may have to let go of your misdeeds, especially if you were the initiator of the break.
7 step
Stop playing the victim, especially the unfortunate one, and even more so if more than two months have passed, which affect the most acute stage of grief. Refrain from excessive intake of alcohol, nicotine, do not try to forget yourself with the help of computer games and other addictions. This is certainly not a way out, but an entrance to new problems, which you will also have to get rid of later.
8 step
Return to life. The period has come when it is necessary to develop, try new things and so on. Go hiking, skydive, or finally sign up for a sports section. Make yourself different, improve and modernize, and no matter what area you choose, if you are happy. And don’t forget to reward yourself with some small joys in life. You can read more about these joys here.
Conclusion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Changes and trials are not given to us in vain, someone needs it to understand their strength, someone needs it to start moving forward in life. So strength to you, patience, and new pleasant meetings!