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The question is not even whether to tell or not, but how best to do it. Psychologists, sexologists and ordinary parents answer.
Kristen Gilbert, sexologist
“If a child asks how the digestive system works, you will gladly draw pictures of the digestive system for him, take books from the library. You will be terribly glad that your child is interested in biology, you will probably begin to brag that a future doctor is growing up in your family! But if instead he asks about the reproductive system (the one next to the digestive system, by the way), you will most likely have a different reaction. Why?
Pass the tests
- Are you good at raising children?
- What kind of mother are you?
Because when you yourself were small, it seemed to you that – sex is something shameful, and now it is difficult for you to give an honest, logical answer to your child. The answer is simple. It takes a man and a woman to make a new man. They have “copulation”: when a man’s “sperm” cell meets a woman’s “ovum” cell. When these cells meet, the child begins to grow. The child lives in the “womb” section of the woman until he grows up properly and gains strength. When he has enough strength to become independent (usually takes 9 months), he comes into the world in one of two ways: either through a special “vagina” channel, or through a safe “caesarean section” operation.
When you deceive a child with stork tales or, worse, scold him for the perfectly reasonable question “Where did I come from?”, you teach him to be ashamed of his body and intimacy. Sex is a good and useful thing. And despite the fact that sex is an adult activity, there is nothing wrong with teaching children about the moral and physical meaning of sex. You will make life much easier for them later on.
Read more:
- Is it worth “editing” children for their own good?
In addition, such conversations will help protect your child from sexual maniacs. When a child knows everything about his genitals, knows what they are for, it is much easier for him to repulse a maniac – he knows that he is doing the unacceptable, wrong. There is less chance that the maniac will contact a knowledgeable child – such a child is more likely to tell his parents about what happened. Unknowing children often hide trauma from their parents – they do not understand what happened, but they are too ashamed to share.
Tatyana Khvatinina
“Just spare the child from details that do not interest him. At three to five to the question “Where do children come from?” suffice it to answer that children are made when the cells of mom and dad are connected, that the baby grows in the stomach and comes out of there when it grows a little. Usually this is enough. At a later age, the child will definitely ask how exactly these cells get into the stomach and how the baby gets out of there, then it already makes sense to go deeper. It makes sense to talk about sex only if the child is interested in it and is not satisfied with general explanations. I’m all for honesty and age-appropriate explanations.”
Read more:
- How to talk to children about sexuality?
Anna Timoshkina, confectioner
“When I was 9-10 years old, my mother told me everything. There was also a book on the subject for children, where simple pictures told how men are arranged, and how women are. All without superfluous details, but it is authentic. I think it was very right that from the very beginning I learned the truth. The relationship with my mother is trusting, she told me about contraception and all that.”
Shaul Reznik, translator
“It all depends on age. If a child is afraid that Baba Yaga may fly into his room, the information that a man inserts a penis into a woman’s vagina will also cause fear.”
Anna Fedorova
“Usually, children start asking this question at the age of 4-5: at this age they actively learn about the world around them and themselves. The problem for parents is often different – they do not understand that the child is not interested in physiological details, but in the very fact of his birth. Therefore, the answer should be understandable, at the level of the knowledge that he has.
When a child asks, “Why is the car driving?” you don’t tell him how the internal combustion engine or the ignition system works. You explain the principle of operation – gasoline enters the engine, the wheels rotate, the car moves. In the same way, about his birth, you need to tell the most important thing: in the body of the parents there are special tiny cells from which the child develops, and so on.
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- My child saw porn on the Internet
Anastasia Holden, psychologist
“This question arises only in the modern world: we are very afraid of damaging the child’s psyche, believing that it is not plastic enough. But everything is perceived more easily if we do not give this knowledge a sacred character. By the age of three, children study their genitals with interest, aware of their “holes” and “cockerels”. Nothing will surprise them, that’s for sure.
Alexander Udaltsov, film enthusiast
“Somehow back in Soviet times I came across a thick book. There were answers to many questions about the household and raising children. And it was also said there what to answer if the children ask where they came from. “Comrade parents! If the children ask where they came from, do not answer, avoid answering. Children on the street will find out everything themselves and will no longer pester you with questions. To be honest, we still tacitly adhere to this advice and try not to tell the children anything.”