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Outstanding abilities do not always make women self-confident. Social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson explains why.
Women are often underestimated, they find it difficult to succeed and prove that they are no less competent than their male counterparts. However, smart and talented women rarely suspect that one of the most difficult obstacles is in themselves. We evaluate our abilities not only much stricter and tougher, but also in a completely different way than men do. The answer to the question of why this happens lies in our past, says psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson, an expert in the study of motivation and communication.1.
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If you are successful today, chances are you were one of the top students in high school. In the 80s, psychologist Carol Dweck conducted a study on how capable girls and boys cope with new and difficult material.2.
It turned out, when high achievers were faced with particularly difficult tasks, they quickly gave up, and the higher their IQ, the sooner they gave up. Boys, on the contrary, perceived the new as a challenge and were more likely to redouble their efforts than to give up.
Why did this happen? There was no big difference between the abilities and the previous successes of the guys. The difference was only in how they perceived difficulties: girls quickly began to doubt their abilities, lost confidence and, as a result, learned less effectively.
The researchers found out the reason for this phenomenon: girls considered their abilities to be innate and unchanging, while boys believed they could develop them through effort and practice.
Why is there such a difference in perception? Most likely, the matter is in the feedback that we receive from parents and teachers. Girls learn self-control early, obey better, so they are often praised. When we study well, we are told: “what a smart”, “smart”, “good student” you are. Such praises inspire us that such qualities as intelligence, quick wit and kindness are either inherent in us by nature, or they do not exist at all.
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Boys, on the other hand, cause a lot of trouble for both parents and teachers. Even just getting them to sit still and be attentive requires tremendous effort from parents. As a result, boys get much more feedback that emphasizes the importance of work and effort (“Just be careful and you can learn everything”, “try harder and you will do everything right”). The end result: when girls are faced with something really difficult, they think they are not “smart” or “good” enough, while boys take it as a call to be more attentive and put in more effort.
We carry these attitudes throughout our lives. Able students grow up to be women who place too high demands on themselves, prematurely conclude that they do not have enough resources to succeed, and give up too soon.
Ask yourself some questions. How often have you avoided difficulties by setting goals that are easy to achieve? Is there anything in the world that you think you will never be good at? Are there qualities that you will never have? If you answered “yes” to all these questions, most likely you are just one of those capable girls, and you are convinced that your abilities and qualities are inherent and unchanged. However, it is not.
We can change: become smarter, develop creativity, self-control, charm, improve physical fitness. When it comes to mastering any skill, our experience, effort and perseverance make all the difference. So it’s time to put aside your (erroneous) beliefs and accept the fact that you can always improve and regain your confidence to face any challenge.
See N. Halvorson, The Trouble With Bright Girls, The Science of Success, January 2011.
1 Author of The Psychology of Achievement (Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2013).
2 For more information, see C. Dweck’s Flexible Consciousness (Mann, Ivanov, and Ferber, 2013).