It all started with the question of one mother: “What should I do, my daughter is rapidly getting fat …” Her post hit the top of the most read, and a lot of advice followed. Which made me feel cold inside.
Samu I won’t undertake to comment, I’ll only note that if the author of the post has a daughter with a father’s figure, then she had sex with her daughter’s father, which means that her father’s figure suited her with her father and seemed attractive. What happened when this figure was suddenly in the daughter’s possession? And if the daughter had a father’s nose, ears, the shape of fingers? Okay, let’s leave the lyrics.
The girl is 13 years old. She has puberty. And she is in puberty — that’s news! — is gaining weight. Her BMI — oh, horror! — is 27,5, which is slightly higher than the WHO artificially low “BMI norm” (25). A girl has many, many chances to «outgrow» this increase — if you leave her alone and help her form adequate eating behavior. But the girl is already showing symptoms of binge eating — I don’t think it’s clinical, but it’s a start. She steals food, eats on the sly, she already knows that wanting chocolate is a crime.
The hardest part is reading the comments on this post. Surprisingly, adequate comments still occur — only they are very, very few.
Basically this is it:
“Tried to slip the literature on obesity? Maybe show what immoderation in the use of any poop can lead to?
— If a thirteen-year-old teenager is «slipped off literature on obesity», he will simply be offended and move away from you. Trust will take a long time to rebuild. Especially if you literally broadcast to your own child that “what you like is wrong” (and therefore, “you yourself are wrong” — this is what a proud, vulnerable teenager who is trying to understand who he is will hear).
“Maybe a video or information about diabetes would help you? Throw daughters or watch and read together.
— By itself. Let’s read together how scary it is. So that when you feel hungry, you not only feel guilty, but also afraid. Jane Hirschmann and Lela Zafiropoulos, in Children, Carrots and Candy, an excellent book about anti-dietary approaches to children’s nutrition, describe the case of a boy who was told by his parents about the risk of developing cancer as a result of sugar consumption so that the boy would eat less sweets.
The boy ate sweets all the same — only not at home, but visiting his best friend. And then a friend’s father suddenly died. From oncology. Neither the family nor the boy were closely acquainted with the friend’s father, but the child fell into a severe depression and suffered for months. He was afraid that he would soon die. An excellent educational result, isn’t it?
“What kind of doctors, money, beliefs are there when a child has watched the hellish trash of intestinal fornication all his life?”
“Well, just so you know what smart people call what you do at the table.
“I think you just need to “drip” on the brain. The process is not fast, and you need to practice regularly yourself. Maybe then the daughter, inspired by your example, will also take up herself? I also think that dinner should be abandoned, replacing it with kefir, milk, yogurt … «
“An excellent recommendation for finally destroying a relationship with a child. At the same time, the girl’s weight will change, only upwards — after all, feeling so unloved, she will quickly learn to seize these experiences, and deprived of dinner, she will also be simply hungry.
“I have an eight-year-old on a diet — I managed to stop weight gain, although we go to McDonald’s and we have desserts. But at home I stopped baking, we don’t fry anything and don’t eat mayonnaise and dumplings, although we really want to. I even make boiled cheesecakes.”
More hell. Eight year old on a diet. Managed to stop the weight gain. Dietary restrictions in childhood and adolescence lead to a significant increase in the risk of developing eating disorders. Binge eating is guaranteed obesity for life. Bulimia is at risk of developing serious cardiovascular pathologies and type 2 diabetes. Best of all, anorexia — you can just die from it.
“Without food control, everything is meaningless.”
Yeah, especially life.
“For a child of 60 kg with a height of 160, this is the presence of excess weight.”
What about for an adult? How did they count? Based on what tables, the ratio of height and weight was calculated? The answer of the author of the comment plunges into awe and delight: «These are my eyes and common sense.»
“You should go to an endocrinologist. And to the gynecologist-endocrinologist. The girl is beginning to mature, and her metabolism of fats and hormones is obviously disturbed.”
For whom is it obvious? For the aunt from the Internet shop? I have just returned from ICED 2015 in Boston, the largest international conference on eating disorders. A young woman reported the results of her body image research and mentioned that she had always been tall since childhood, grew in length quickly, and this caused certain inconveniences and awkwardness, but no one dragged her to the doctor, no one said what kind of something disease, you have something broken, you are one of the highest in the class! If a child grows not in length, but in width, they immediately rush to treat him. The advice to “go to an endocrinologist” is the most popular and common in this text (and many others).
“I would revise the menu radically. This is first. The doctor will give you a dietary menu. Because pilaf for breakfast from dinner is some kind of horror. And pilaf for dinner is also a horror for a fat girl.”
— Pilaf — horror. Borscht is a nightmare. Ragu — panic. With you the horror show «The most terrible food», after a break for commercials, you will learn about the awe-inspiring goulash, fierce cutlets and the most dangerous sausages! Stay with us!
“I will give you unexpected advice. Take pictures of your daughter! As much and as often as possible. When she stands with her stomach stuck out, when she sits stooping… Until the daughter herself wants to change, you won’t get through. She doesn’t see herself in the mirror.
“Million dollar recommendation!” After all, the daughter’s self-esteem has not yet been completely killed. Worth the effort!
“I advise you to greatly limit your daughter’s pocket money, as well as clean the home refrigerator and the locker where sweets are stored from all sorts of filth. Let mayonnaise and sausage disappear from the refrigerator for a start, and let the cabinet be completely empty, and let fruits take the place of sweets. I do this with my daughter. Although she is thin with me (not like her mother, obviously), but if you give her free rein, she will hamster only sweets from morning to evening. Therefore, I give her pocket money from 50 to 100 rubles for a week, which she spends on sweets. And at home with sweets, to put it mildly, it’s usually tight. ”
Does the girl still steal money? Sweets from the store? Doesn’t he beg for something tasty from her friends, whose parents are somewhat more adequate? Do not be discouraged, you have everything ahead of you.
“Why the hell didn’t you teach your child to eat fruits?” Well, why exchange for trifles. It is better to accustom immediately «not to eat.»
— Again — what a savings.
“For a start, throw it away and no longer buy sweets, spices, mayonnaise, ketchups, sausages, etc. Most refuse beer, chips and so on. And start setting a positive example. There should be ONLY healthy food at home. Ideally, turn off the TV and the Internet.
And don’t forget to castrate your husband.
“It is necessary to say correctly, but harshly, that now, my dear, you will not eat what you want, but what I will allow. The reason is simple, you are cool, etc., but prone to gaining excess weight. This is not a problem (but in the future it may become a problem), no need to complex, worry. But you have to make yourself. Work on yourself.»
— A couple of years will pass — and the daughter will say: “Now, my dear, fuck you …” And then the mother will wring her hands and go to other communities with a cry “I wished her well, but she hasn’t talked to me for five years!” Therefore, it is better to immediately shackle in chains and tie to the bed. More reliable.
“If you want to go on a diet, then scare! Just scare me right there. Take her to the doctor, talk to him alone in the office while she is waiting outside the door, tell her with a mournful look that she is sick (after all, even high sugar, strictly speaking, does not belong to a healthy state). “In your ear” tell that dad has the same thing and now you are all starting to be treated together. May I help».
— No comments, censorship ended.