The base pitch frequency (CHOT) is the lowest tone inherent in the voice of a particular person. The change in FER reflects the degree of our emotional arousal. It has been established that the higher it is during a normal conversation between spouses, the greater the likelihood of divorce.
– Why are you yelling at me?
– I’m not yelling! It’s you yelling!!
– I’m talking calmly! Why can’t you just listen to me?
Because you’re yelling at me!!
This is not a scene from real life. I am at a psychological forum in Germany and I am watching a videotape of family therapy. On the right side of the screen, a computer program analyzes the voice frequency of the arguing spouses. What for?
Specialists have long known such a voice parameter as the base frequency of the main tone (CHOT), which is the lowest tone characteristic of the voice of a particular person. The change in FER reflects the degree of our emotional arousal.
Recently, the basic frequency has become of interest to various communication specialists, in particular psychologists involved in family psychotherapy. It has been established that the higher it is during a normal conversation between spouses, the greater the likelihood of divorce *. This observation even led to the creation of experimental software that “predicts” divorces.
During the conflict, as you might expect, the tone of voice of the partners rises sharply. Moreover, it grows in steps, as the quarreling people try to shout each other down. At the same time, the tone of the speaker affects the interlocutor more than the content of the message. And this has a deep biological meaning: there are areas in the brain responsible for increasing emotional arousal in response to an increase in the base frequency of the fundamental tone. Initially, this was the intra-group mechanism for the rapid transmission of information about the danger. One animal screams – all the others are frightened or begin to behave aggressively, depending on the situation. So when a friend or colleague yells at you, “Don’t unleash the beast in me!” – He is not far from the truth.
But modern man is a complex being. Even if one of the partners does not react in any way to the raised tone of the other, this does not help prevent conflict. On the contrary, in some cases it angers even more. “You don’t listen to me, you don’t care what I feel” is what can be heard in response to an emphatically calm intonation. So what to do? Of course, conflicts in a couple cannot be resolved just by changing the tone of voice. But it’s still worth a try. If your partner yells at you, answer him first in a raised tone to show that you heard him and that you care about what he is trying to convey to you. Not necessarily as loud, but with enough force and emotion. Then start lowering your tone, adding conciliatory intonations. And it is quite possible that you will “pull up” your partner with you and gradually reduce the degree of discussion.
* S. Weusthoff et al. «Fundamental frequency during couple conflict». Journal of Family Psychology, 2013, vol. 27 (2), № 4.