Physical attractiveness? Sense of humor? Ingenuity? Mind? What do you think is the most valued quality in a potential partner by men and women around the world? Psychologists from the British University of Swansea conducted a study on this topic and came to a rather unexpected conclusion.
What do we first of all pay attention to when looking for a potential partner? On his appearance? Intellectual ability? Soul qualities? British scientists decided to find out and conducted the largest study of its kind in history. Almost 2500 test subjects from the US, UK, Australia, Norway, Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia took part in it.
The participants were given a certain “budget” to evaluate potential partners and were asked to “collect” the ideal candidate by buying certain characteristics, including:
- physical attractiveness,
- good financial prospects,
- sense of humor,
- creativity,
- kindness,
- religiosity,
- chastity,
- desire to become a parent.
By observing how the participants spent their “budget”, the researchers found out which qualities the subjects considered necessary and which were considered a luxury (for “luxury” they usually spent extra “money” if they received them).
It is logical that people value kindness in partners so much: in the past, this quality was extremely important from a reproductive point of view.
In general, all participants, regardless of gender and country of origin, considered kindness to be the main necessary quality of a potential partner: in the face of a limited budget, they were ready to spend almost a quarter of it on this characteristic.
And this is a new twist in this kind of research. Prior to this, psychologists had already studied preferences regarding a potential mate’s personality, his or her ability to earn money, physical attractiveness, body structure, and even sexual history, but had never yet made a distinction between necessary characteristics and “luxury.”
“How we prioritize when choosing a potential partner remains little understood,” says Andrew Thomas, principal research fellow at Swansea University. Based on the research algorithm, Thomas and his team hope to identify patterns in how people prioritize this issue.
Is evolution to blame?
In an attempt to explain their results, scientists turned to evolutionary psychology. That people value kindness so much in potential partners is logical: in the past, this quality was extremely important from a reproductive point of view. As previous research has shown, we believe that a kind and empathic partner is able to maintain long-term relationships, be a good parent, and share resources.
From the point of view of evolutionary psychology, it is also quite understandable why for men the external attractiveness of a partner is in second place – they are ready to spend up to 23% of their “budget” on this quality. Research shows that for men, a woman’s attractive face is unconsciously associated with her reproductive ability.
In addition, some believe that the children of attractive partners grow up to become potentially desirable themselves. So it is not surprising that women also classify beauty as a necessary quality.
What do women desire
Another criterion that women are willing to spend a significant part of their “budget” on is financial prospects: they classify this trait as a necessary feature, while men consider it a “luxury”.
In Why We Love, anthropologist Helen Fisher gives this explanation (rooted in evolutionary psychology): during the long and difficult period of childbearing and childbirth, a woman needs a reliable provider nearby, while men who have achieved financial stability have more chances of becoming one. In addition, Fisher recalls that when people mastered the skill of walking upright (about 3,5 million years ago), mothers stopped carrying children on their backs and took them in their arms. Hands were full now, food gathering was out of the question, and a supportive partner was needed.
Cultural differences
In addition to gender differences, the study also revealed a number of cultural differences. Unlike women from the East, Western women appreciate the potential desire of a partner to have children more.
Thomas explains that due to the ubiquity of contraception in Western countries, starting a family there is a conscious choice, as opposed to how it happens in the East. It is understandable that those who want to have children are looking for partners with similar desires.
Be that as it may, these differences are rather insignificant: all of us, both men and women around the world, want plus or minus the same thing – a kind partner who can take care of us.