Many women who have crossed the threshold of forty years are convinced that age is a hindrance to love. Is it really? Or is it just a consequence of common misconceptions and an attempt to protect yourself from heartache?
If you are a single woman over 40, you probably have a lot of experience in love relationships behind you. You again want to find a partner, but for some reason you can’t meet the right person. Perhaps you are divorced or you have ended a long-term relationship, and trying to meet and go on dates brings one disappointment. Or maybe you have not yet tried to look for someone or are left a widow and are not sure if you can find someone as worthy as your late husband.
I coach women in their XNUMXs. I know that the second time (and for some, the first time) finding love can be difficult. Nevertheless, many people fall in love every day, and many of the clients manage to find a beloved man. What is the problem then?
It may sound harsh, but most likely you are giving yourself false ideas about finding love after 40. These delusions prevent you from connecting with a potential partner, and in the worst case, lead to you not trying to find anyone.
1. All worthy men are already taken. This is what I hear most often from clients. Nevertheless, statistics show that there are a lot of single men. They file for divorce for the same reasons as women: alienation from their wife is growing, or she has cheated, or circumstances have simply changed.
Some men had their hearts broken in their youth, they could not recover from the blow for a long time and are only now ready to seek love. There are many reasons why worthy men do not have a partner and are looking for a woman like you.
If you believe in success, you will understand that every man you meet brings you one step closer to “the one”
Nowadays, there are more single people aged 40-70 looking for a partner than ever before. So do not think that there is no worthy man for you!
2. I already had my only love. Most often, widows think this way, especially if they had a great relationship with their late husband. They are convinced that they will never find such a wonderful man again.
In fact, once you succeeded once, it may well work out the second time. You have already proven that you can do it. Look at your situation from the other side, understand that you attract love like a magnet, because of the energy that memories of past love give you.
3. Looking for a partner is too difficult, it’s not worth it. Dating and dating is not an easy task, and at some point it may seem to you that they take too much strength and energy. But this is just a symptom that you don’t really believe in your ability to find true love.
If you believe in success, you will understand that every man you meet brings you one step closer to “the one”. Before I met my adorable husband, I dated 30 men in 15 months.
Finding a partner is a search of a large number of options, so the more men you meet, the more likely you are to find love.
Have I ever felt sad, frustrated, even disgusted? Certainly! But I reminded myself that I was moving towards my goal of finding true love and that no one and nothing would stand in my way. And so it happened.
Yes, I went on dates with 30 men, but the end result more than justified all the previous failures and disappointments. Dating, dating and finding a partner is a long process. Tune in to win and you’ll find the love you deserve!
4. If he is not «10 out of 10», I’m not going to waste time on him. With this approach, you will not find someone for yourself soon! After 40, the chances of Prince Charming knocking on your door are zero. You will have to get off the couch and make an effort to meet new men as often as possible.
Finding a partner is a lot of options, so the more men you meet, the more likely you are to find love. Will each of them be perfection itself? Of course not! Most of them won’t work for you. But there is nothing to worry about, because you just need to find one man that suits you.
Perfect men do not exist, this is a fairy tale. But you are not perfect either. I can guarantee you that there is a man in the world who will suit you. Get rid of the idea of finding the perfect partner or you will remain single.
5. Not as interesting with him as with girlfriends. It often surprises me that women compare the men they date with their girlfriends. Are they serious? How can you even compare a man and a friend? Men are not like women, they are radically different. We are brought up differently, we have different innate characteristics and inclinations, our brain is arranged differently. The fact that we have equal rights does not mean that we are the same.
Hoping to find a man who looks like a friend, you doom yourself to failure. Most of them will never be as sympathetic and will not be able to understand you as deeply as girlfriends. But this does not mean at all that a man is not able to give you anything. On the contrary, if you find someone who really suits you, he can enrich your life and make it brighter in a way that girlfriends never can. Therefore, I advise you to refuse to compare a potential partner with girlfriends — this is a harmful idea that can prevent you from finding your love.
6. All men are liars, cheaters and womanizers. This is usually how women who have already “burned themselves” or have seen similar examples think. As a coach, I suggest thinking: are all men really like that? This is impossible purely mathematically! There are definitely men who do not cheat, do not cheat and do not refuse to start a family. I found one for myself, and many of the clients met wonderful men with moral principles.
If you’re determined to only date the «bad guys,» get ready to have your heart broken.
If you convince yourself that all men are terrible, you will only see the facts to support your point of view. If you tell yourself that they are beautiful, you will surely find a lot of evidence for this. Try to look in your environment for examples of worthy men, and you will notice that there are a lot of them.
7. I never meet interesting men. I have been helping women meet and build relationships for 14 years now and I can say with confidence: those who say this do not date men at all. Usually they are quite passive, practically do not get acquainted with anyone and do not go on dates. No wonder they don’t meet interesting men.
I myself was like that before I really seriously took up the search for my love. I noticed that many women find polite men boring, but interesting «bad guys». Yes, the unpredictability and detachment of the «bad guys» is often intriguing, I want to unravel their secret. He seems to be challenging — can you achieve his location?
But such a man will not yield to you in anything, is not ready to change for you and is not suitable for a long-term relationship. If you’re determined to only date «bad guys,» get ready to have your heart broken, and romance will only be tormenting.
8. There are no single men in my city. One of my clients, Sally, was convinced that all the men in her town were married. Yes, in some places there are more married people than single people. But in any case, there are a lot of the latter everywhere. Working with Sally, who had forgotten how to notice the right men, I helped her realize how many potential partners were around — with one of whom she managed to start a relationship.
To arrange a personal life, you will have to set aside time in your schedule for this.
9. Today’s men don’t want relationships. Let’s remember the misconception that all men are liars, cheaters and womanizers. Again, such generalizations are baseless. Yes, not all men are interested in long-term relationships, but there certainly are.
If you want to find your love, you will have to meet a lot of men and weed out the wrong ones. Coach Amy Schoen advises: to understand how serious a man’s intentions are, listen to what he has to say about his life and relationships. For example, if he plans to move or starts talking about how he loves women, most likely he is not ready to start a family.
If he says he’s tired of dating and short-term relationships, he might be serious. There are definitely men who would be happy to fall in love with you. But for this to happen, you yourself will have to try.
10. I don’t have time for dates and relationships. Women constantly inspire themselves with this. I know you are busy. But you can set aside time for what you consider important. To find your love, you must make finding it your priority. Make time in your schedule to meet new people at least once a week. If you can’t, then you really don’t really want to find your love.
When I was looking for a husband, I went to a dating group for singles or to dances at least once a week. In addition, I dated men who advertised in newspapers (Internet dating wasn’t popular in 1998) and went out for coffee with at least one every weekend.
To arrange a personal life, you will have to set aside time in your schedule for this. If you say that it simply does not exist, I understand you. But in this case, you will have to admit that love is not so important to you. There is nothing shameful in this, because in order to find it, considerable efforts and very strong motivation will be required.
I hope that clearing up these misconceptions has helped you rethink the process of finding love after 40. When I myself found a beloved man, I decided to devote my life to helping other women fulfill their dream of love. Since it worked for me and many of my clients, I know that it will work for you too!
About the Author: Ronnie Ann Ryan is a coach with 14 years of experience.