What prevents us from being happy?

Benefits for achieving happiness and stories about the benefits of meditation for the body and soul are gaining popularity every day. But the more we hear calls to enjoy life and find peace, the clearer the message hidden behind them comes through: we are restless, tense and pessimistic.

40% of respondents agree that the best way to relieve stress is with alcohol. 23% do not agree with this method, but no one argues that stress exists and needs to be eliminated.

“I love my job, but the department has cut three positions, the amount of work per person has increased significantly, I get so tired that I fall asleep on the way home,” complains 42-year-old Vera, an accountant.

“My session is about to start, I can’t think about anything,” 23-year-old Lena brushes off questions.

It’s better not to ask a friend who has a graduate son: it seems to me that they both spent the last year on pins and needles.

Too many changes

Where does chronic anxiety come from and why do we have nowhere to hide from it? “He has an existential nature, it is an integral part of our human sense of self,” says family psychologist Inna Shifanova.

But anxiety, notes the sociologist Vincent de Gauljac, “requires the ability to pour it out, to express it, including in the form of work for the great group ideals that give hope and promise a better future.”

The problem is that we do not seem to have such ideals left. Less than half of the voters participated in the elections to the State Duma in September 2016. The turnout in Russia as a whole was 47,8%, and in Moscow and St. Petersburg, less than a third of the population voted. This means that citizens do not trust public institutions and politicians.

But even in private life, they do not seem to find support. “Many of my clients complain that they cannot cope with life,” Inna Shifanova continues, “adults are confused, because of this, children do not have guidelines, which in turn makes them more vulnerable.”

The psychologist explains this by “stable instability”: “Over the past 25 years, the country has changed several times. Social values, social elevators, the education system have changed, some specialties have disappeared and new ones have appeared. At the same time, no one knows what will happen next. Uncertainty does not add peace!

According to a Psychologies poll, our readers’ greatest concern is their own future. In second place is work: it worries much more than, say, personal relationships. The economic crisis and various rumors give rise to fear of losing a job.

“Many people live with the feeling that cuts can begin at any moment and it is impossible to influence this,” says Inna Shifanova. – The feeling of helplessness becomes an additional stress factor. Many people are not afraid to drive a car, because the driver feels that he is in control of the situation. And it’s scary to fly on an airplane, because the passenger doesn’t know what’s going on in the cockpit.”

The statistics that speak about the safety of an aircraft compared to a car do not help: rational knowledge loses to feeling. Therefore, the arguments regarding labor prospects do not reassure anyone.

In other countries, the situation is little different. “People are afraid of different things, but fear is present at all levels of society,” says psychoanalyst Claude Almos. – They are afraid of poverty, dismissal, inability to pay for their children’s education. And no one dares to talk about it. Psychologists should publicly explain that anxiety is normal, and those who worry are not sick. That they live poorly, not because they are vulnerable, but because their living conditions are impossible.”

Information overload

To the economic and social problems, one more trouble of our days is added: hyper-information. Endless news feeds, social networks, email and other instant messengers provide us with a variety of information non-stop, increasing our stress.

“News as a genre is structured in such a way that it is dominated by a negative aspect,” explains Anton Vorobyov, a clinical psychologist and psychodramatherapist. “We receive reports of terrorist attacks, we see photos of the victims, which evoke strong emotions. Paradoxically, those who are further from the center of events often suffer more psychologically.

Distance prevents them from responding with direct action: help, call an ambulance, give a ride home in case of difficulties with transport. They have to be observers. This awakens their own traumatic experiences that almost all of us have.

After reports of terrorist attacks, hostilities, natural disasters, noticeably more clients with panic attacks and depression come to the reception. Their anxiety increases, they have nightmares or insomnia. They do not associate their condition with recent events, it seems to them sudden and causeless. I see a pattern here.”

Information is becoming a disaster, and it’s not just bad news: it’s haphazard and there’s too much of it. The bombardment of messages of all kinds plunges us into a state of frustration, as we fail not only to manage this flow, but even to keep track of it.

This is confirmed by 36-year-old Karina, a lawyer for an IT company.

“I am constantly distracted by various messages, there is less and less time left to calmly do my job. Even information that at first glance looks positive and useful can become a source of stress. Therefore, I try to read the mail only at the time that I myself set, but this does not always work out.

Obliged to be happy?

The prevailing opinion in society is that we ourselves are responsible for our own happiness. But that means, and for your misfortune too.

Such a simplification of the theses of positive psychology and methods of personal growth turns into the formula “Unhappy? It’s his own fault! ”, Which, of course, does not bring relief to anyone.

“My clients say: the articles say that you need to be able to appreciate what you have. And be happy here and now. But they feel that they are unable to fulfill this order, – says Inna Shifanova. “There is a noticeable difference between recommendations, fantasies and reality.” We do not have complete control over our lives; only by accepting this truth can we reduce our inner tension.

“The number of challenges that we have to answer is unlikely to decrease,” notes Anton Vorobyov. “Today, clients increasingly come with a request: “Give me a universal psychological technique that will help me cope with various difficulties.” They want to learn self-help, self-support.”

While there is no antidote for existential stress, we do have some tools at our disposal:

• do everything that depends on us,
• accept our imperfection and the limitations of our resources,
• deal with mistakes and shortcomings
• do not consider yourself the center of the world,
• connect with friends and associates,
• help others.

By using them, we can make our lives better. And probably a little quieter.