Pickup masters consider themselves experts in skillful seduction. They attend trainings and read books that teach one thing: the manipulation of a sexual partner. But even more than their victims, pick-up artists seem to suffer from “disposable” relationships.
American journalist Neil Stross, who became famous throughout the world for describing his sexual victories and writing the “pick-up bible” (as pick-ups call two books by Neil Stross “The Game” and “Pick-up. Rules of the Game”), recently wrote another book.
“The Truth: An Inconvenient Book About Relationships” tells how, in ten years, Neil Strauss turned from a burnt womanizer into a staunch supporter of monogamy and an exemplary family man. The path of rebirth was thorny: promiscuity, free unions, swinging and treatment for sex addiction.
A journalist talks about the destructive power of a pickup truck. About how, trying to solve internal problems, “butterfly catchers” manipulate their victims. And about how they themselves suffer, not receiving either happiness or (at least) satisfaction from these relationships.
Game without a winner
Can pickup trucks be called happy? Among them are many people with low self-esteem, “with low indicators of emotional stability and overall satisfaction with the course of life,” as shown by a study by a group of psychologists led by Melina Bersamine from the University of California (USA).
And here is how the Jungian psychoanalyst Lev Khegay characterizes potential pick-up artists: they are “weak, fragile personalities, confused by market ideology with its image obsession, insecure, vulnerable, disoriented and simply do not know from which end human relationships are built.” These narcissistic issues cause them to confuse “being” and “appearing” and go looking for victims who they think are weaker and dumber than they are.
Pikapers do not know how to invest in relationships, and therefore they prefer quantity to their quality
However, firstly, not everyone can be put to bed, even if they master the pick-up techniques perfectly. “There are no universal methods of temptation,” emphasizes psychoanalyst Dmitry Olshansky. – Everyone has their own mosaic of sexuality, made up of fragments of fetishism, sadism, masochism, voyeurism and other things. And the one who does not want to have sex, no manipulation, even deep hypnosis, can be forced to do it.
Secondly, not every “victim” is such in fact. It is not yet known who is the greater manipulator – a pick-up artist who is trying to persuade the girl to have sex, or the girl herself, depicting naivety or inaccessibility, allowing herself to be conquered, and then using the man for her own purposes.
“Pick-up artists ingenuously believe that technicians without real feelings can achieve something,” says Dmitry Olshansky. “They pay money just to be taught basic communication skills that are usually learned in kindergarten. In my practice, I have met not so many victims who were “divorced for sex.” Much more – young people who complain that they went through all the steps of the pickup pyramid, received all possible certificates, having spent time and money, but remained virgins.
Are seducers born?
Or at least they do in early childhood, says psychoanalyst Gisele Harrus-Revidi. “If we weren’t loved or noticed enough at one time, it will be harder for us to seduce someone later,” she says. “After all, only those who are able to imagine themselves worthy of love can decide on seduction. One who had the illusion as a child that he was the center of the whole world.” However, even for unloved children, not everything is lost, the psychoanalyst reassures. Low self-esteem can be compensated by intelligence, sensitivity, sense of humor, ability to listen, contagious enthusiasm: “Let’s think about the erotic appeal of Serge Gainsbourg or the seductiveness of Jean-Paul Sartre, who, despite his plain appearance, had a special attraction thanks to his mind and fortitude” .
What do pickup trucks get?
“We will teach you how to win any woman, take advantage of her, and then quickly find another, even better,” pickup gurus promise.
“Such an offer attracts both shy young men who do not know how to get acquainted, and handsome men who, although they are successful, dream of a relationship without obligations,” says Elena Gluzskaya, an addict psychologist. – Both of them do not want, do not know how, and sometimes cannot invest in relationships, and therefore they prefer quantity to quality. But while they are collecting connections, life passes by. And pick-up artists run the risk of living it without regaining consciousness.
‘Guru’ advice helps them feel less alone in this world
People who have gone through pickup training continue to consult and consult with the coach for some (sometimes quite a long) time. Report to him, confess… They are taught to manipulate others, but they themselves become objects of manipulation.
“Do not love and do not become attached”, “women are needed only for sex” – the danger of this ideology is that it does not lead to close, deep relationships. But it is precisely these, paradoxically, that many pick-up artists dream of deep down. Guru counseling helps them feel less alone in this world, a world where sex is (almost) no longer taboo, but approaching another person and trying to seduce them is still difficult for many.
And this is perhaps the only “bonus” that pickup artists receive. In everything else, they do not win, but lose. Women who are self-confident, with a reliable system of values and guidelines (in a word, those for which it is worth “fighting”), a thoughtless consumer will either be rejected, or cynically used, or play along with him, pursuing their own goals.