What not to say to someone who is disappointed in life

Raising the topic of suicide, the authors of the articles usually urge you to pay attention to alarm bells, reminding you that before committing suicide, people usually harm themselves in one way or another. However, this is not always the case.

Some find themselves in the so-called “grey zone”: they don’t have a specific plan to end their lives, but it’s too hard for them to continue fighting. And there are more such people than you can imagine. Psychologists call this passive suicidal thinking, and the number of those who occasionally have such thoughts has more than doubled since 2018.

However, it is quite possible that many simply do not admit it, which means that there are even more such people. It is not necessary that a person will move from these thoughts to concrete actions: with the support of relatives and friends, he can return to a normal, healthy and even happy life. The main thing is not to inadvertently aggravate the condition of a loved one in your own words. Here are some phrases to avoid.

1. “Just ignore these thoughts and sooner or later they will go away.”

“No matter how painful and unpleasant the feelings that your loved one experiences, he should experience them fully, and not run away from them,” explains clinical psychologist Sherry Davis Molok. – Ignoring feelings does not help to cope with the problem. Your task is to recognize the right of a person to what he is experiencing, without judging him for it.

2. “You don’t think about suicide, do you?”

The tone in which this phrase is pronounced is especially important: it is one thing if genuine concern sounds in it, and quite another if there is distrust and skepticism. “For a person, your words may sound like you are not ready for such a dialogue and ask you to assure you that he is not planning anything“ such ”,” Molok said. “Instead, try to show your loved one that he is dear to you, support him.”

3. “You overreact”

This is another way to discount the feelings and experiences of another person. “Most likely, a conversation with you and such a confession were not easy for a person, and if you just brush it off, he will no longer dare to talk to anyone on this topic, and in addition, he will condemn himself, which will only aggravate his condition,” says psychiatrist Jessica Gold.

4. “Suicide is a sin”

“No matter how you feel about the idea of ​​suicide, this is just your point of view, and it will not help your loved one in any way,” Gold reminds. “Just be there – without judging or judging, support and show your love in any way you can.”

5. “Are you back to the old one again?”

It doesn’t matter if your loved one is visited by such thoughts for the first time or if this has happened before: every time everything is different, but equally hard and painful. And such thoughts should always be taken seriously.

6. “But your life can only be envied!”

“Even if you are sure that a loved one has an “ideal” life, you cannot know for sure how the situation feels from the inside, what he experiences and how he feels. Suicide is committed even by the most famous, successful and talented of us – remember Robin Williams, – comments Gold. “Your reminder of how wonderful the life of a loved one will not “open his eyes” and will not help him enjoy it again, but will only make him feel even worse.

How to support someone who has stopped seeing joy in life

You should never, under any circumstances, ignore the suicidal thoughts of another, so if a loved one approaches you with such conversations, it is important to take them seriously. “But it is equally important to find the reason for such reflections in order to understand how great the risk is that a person will actually do something to himself,” says Gold. She advises:

1. Gently ask a loved one if he has a plan to do something with himself and if he has already taken any steps to implement it. It is also important to find out how often such thoughts visit him and whether it has been getting worse lately.

2. Show calmness, love and support, directly say that you will be there for all this difficult time.

3. Listen to everything, even the most difficult thoughts, without judgment.

4. Try to delicately explain that a loved one could use the help of a professional. If he agrees, it is worth helping to find the appropriate specialist, arrange a meeting and, if necessary, even escort him to an appointment (or at least give the telephone number of the crisis center).

Of course, it is extremely difficult to talk about this topic, but understanding that he can share such thoughts with you and you will not judge him can in itself help your loved one.