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What mothers are most afraid of while expecting their second child
“What if I can’t love him as much as the first one?” – this thought arises in almost every woman who is pregnant with her second baby. We will tell you how to cope with it and what to do if the maternal feeling has not yet arrived.
Now I am expecting a second child, and the closer the X-day, the more worries: will I love the baby like my first child. I look at my 6-year-old son and think: “Is it possible to love someone as much?”
I remember how in the first pregnancy I was looking forward to the baby. I talked with my belly, walked through the children’s shops, choosing things for the baby. Now you don’t feel such a thrill. Maybe the first time it was all new. Or maybe because now you are trying to pay maximum attention to the eldest, because with the birth of the baby, there will obviously be a lack of time for the first child.
One day my son asked me: “Do you love the baby?” And I honestly answered: “I don’t know. I don’t know him yet. ”
Fortunately, experienced mothers assure that love will definitely come. And this is how it will happen.
Wait for the meeting with the baby
Most mothers admit: all their worries and fears disappeared when they took their baby in their arms.
“He looked at me with such a serious, deliberate look that only newborns have. It was as if he was studying me, getting to know me. And my heart melted. Our first meeting was magical. I immediately realized that I loved him madly, ”recalls the mother of two children, Polina.
Give yourself time
However, even if there was no particular trepidation immediately after childbirth, do not worry.
“According to statistics, about 40% do not feel vivid feelings for a newborn for about a month after giving birth,” says family psychologist Larisa Surkova. – No need to panic, you just adapt. Give your child care, care, and everything will come. Love is not shared, it multiplies. “
Experts say breastfeeding or bottle feeding are great ways to bond with your newborn. Especially if there is skin-to-skin contact during feeding. Breastfeeding mothers release oxytocin, the “hormone of love, affection, and tenderness,” which helps build an emotional bond with their baby. And the special, incomparable smell of the baby makes you love him even more.
Maintain eye contact with your baby. Look him in the eye when you sing, talk to him, bathe and feed him. Scientists believe that eye contact with an infant also stimulates the production of oxytocin. But for the technique to work, the child must be at a distance of 20-25 cm from your face.
Take care of yourself to get lost on the baby
The first-born has already grown up, he calmly falls asleep in bed, goes to the toilet and serves himself quite well. You have already forgotten how it is to get up in the middle of the night to change a diaper or feed a baby. But then the second child appears, and that difficult time returns. In order not to subconsciously blame your baby for your fatigue, try to take time to take care of yourself. After all, it’s easier to love with a good mood.
“Sometimes they write me letters crying for help: ‘How to love your child.’ And don’t be afraid of these thoughts. It happens. You just need to understand yourself. Sometimes it’s fatigue, disappointment, unjustified hopes, or simply the younger one requires more of your concern. But don’t panic, ”says psychologist Larisa Surkova.
Don’t forget about elders so you don’t have to suffer from guilt.
So, you have directed all your efforts to improve the relationship with your baby. And at the same time they completely forgot about the eldest child. Psychologists advise: Try to find a balance between your children to avoid feelings of guilt and regret towards the firstborn.
Accept the fact that love will be different
With the first child, you are afraid of everything. Any pimple is a cause for panic. Sometimes you wake up at night and run to the crib just to hear if he’s breathing.
“When the second child appears, you already feel like an expert. You know how to take care of a baby, how to put him to bed. Therefore, love here is calmer, more confident, conscious, ”says experienced mother Marina.
In addition, as a rule, more demands are made on the first-born.
“With the second baby, you are more patient and no longer break down on the child, because you understand: whims, crying is also a process of growing up that needs to go through,” says mother and teacher Olga.
And the last thing: your children will certainly be different in character. So you will love them in different ways. No more and no less, just different.