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There is an opinion that the victims of harassment are always women, and the aggressors are men. Most often this is true, but males can also face unwanted sexual attention. However, it can be difficult for them to admit this even to themselves. Why it happens?
Victims in public places in most cases become women. 84% of respondents have encountered this unpleasant and dangerous behavior1. Nevertheless, this problem, unfortunately, does not bypass some men.
So, in 2020, the London Transport Authority surveyed citizens, and it turned out that about 55% of women and 21% of men experienced unwanted sexual interaction on a bus, tram or subway2. The numbers are impressive, but the topic of harassment of men is still taboo.
First of all, because it is difficult for men themselves to recognize and confirm the fact of excessive sexual attention. They ask themselves questions: “Is the girl just flirting or violates my boundaries?”, “I really enjoy her activity or am I just forcing myself to endure?”, “Do I have to reciprocate or should I stop the interaction?”
Due to many social factors, it can be difficult for a man to recognize his true desires and emotions. And even if, over time, he realizes that the other person has allowed himself too much in relation to him, in rare cases he will want to talk about it out loud. This happened to our reader from Moscow.
“Suddenly, one of them… pinched my ass.”
Oleg, 26 years old
My girlfriend repeatedly said that she was harassed on the streets – sometimes men just whistled, sometimes they tried to touch … But I could not even think that the same thing could happen to me.
It was the day I went to take my driving license exam. I am a rather anxious person, so before the test I was thoughtful, immersed in my thoughts. In general, it was clear from my face that I was not at all interested in any acquaintances, and even more so I was not ready for unbridled fun.
Two girls were walking towards me, they were laughing loudly, talking about something. I looked at them and apparently they took it as an invitation to action. They ran up to me, took my hands from both sides and started joking about the fact that “they will lead me into the bushes, and no one will help me.”
At first I tried to play along, but then I made it clear that I had absolutely no time for such humor. They were holding hands, trying to stop. Only when I started to get nervous and speak much more sharply did they fall behind. However, after I heard a lot of unpleasant words about myself, and when they were already behind, one of them … pinched my ass.
To be honest, it was the most annoying. By the way, I failed this exam. I didn’t tell anyone about this incident – I was ashamed that I couldn’t .
How men react to harassment
Men, as a rule, experience the fact of sexual harassment through the mechanisms of denial and suppression, explains psychologist Yulia Strizh.
“Their defense mechanisms try to separate a strong emotional experience from awareness, to place it in the area of the unconscious. After all, it is extremely difficult for men to get in touch with the feeling of helplessness and impotence. The fact of harassment puts a man in an extremely vulnerable position, a position of submission, a position of weakness,” she explains.
In addition, a man, despite the fact that he feels insulted and humiliated, understands that the very fact of sexual harassment of members of their gender seems almost unreal to others, and therefore the victims are afraid that it will be impossible to find understanding and sympathy.
This problem has another angle – it can be really hard for casual witnesses of excessive sexual attention shown to men to understand that a person needs help, since in the minds of many a man cannot become a victim of harassment at all.
“Victims of harassment, both men and women, have a legal right to be heard”
However, we remind you that any acts of a sexual nature that do not give pleasure and are committed against the will are unacceptable. So, if we see that a person is unpleasant because of the behavior of another, we .
For us to learn how to do it right, L’Oréal Paris has developed a special platform on which you can pass . It tells how it is better for witnesses of an unpleasant situation to stop the aggressor. So, you need to follow the 5D rule: Disorient, Demonstrate support, Delegate, Document, Act.
“Declaring the fact of sexual harassment for a man is equal to a confession of his own weakness. However, this recognition is far from being about helplessness, emphasizes Strizh. “In fact, it is extremely important for men to realize what emotional damage has been done to them, to admit the fact of abuse, to declare it.”
This, as the psychologist says, is the real manifestation of strength, personal responsibility – when a person decides to be honest and can now protect himself from further sexual claims. “Victims of harassment have a legitimate right to be heard, whether it is male or female,” the expert concludes.
About expert
Julia Strizh psychologist, psychoanalyst. Her .
1 L’Oréal Paris and Ipsos “L’Oréal Paris International Study on Sexual Harassment in Public Places”, 2021.
2 YouGov «Most women have been sexually harassed on London public transport», 2020. https://yougov.co.uk/topics/legal/articles-reports/2020/01/22/most-women-have-been-sexually-harassed-london-publ