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What is the first thing you notice about a man? they asked me once. I was about to give a quick answer, but then I realized that I had something to say. Journalist Erica Jagger reflects on male attractiveness.
Indeed, what do I pay attention to first of all? What attracts me? Eye color? Hair? Smile? Shoulder width? None of these answers fit.
When I was younger, I liked tall, thin, dark-haired men. But now I’m 52 years old, and I can’t say that I have a favorite type. I’m rather drawn to men who exude confident sexuality. But what helps a man to be in the halo of this most confident sexuality?
I began to remember all the men from whom my knees trembled and goosebumps ran through my body. In one of them, even the most ordinary T-shirt fit the body so excitingly that I could only think about his torso … The second looked at me so much that I can’t forget this look to this day.
And yet, more often than not, I remember something completely different. Character, demeanor … That’s why I always wanted to brush all the plates and glasses to the floor, lie down on the table and pull him to me. Does it sound strong? And I decided to make a list of qualities for which I am ready to do all this.
1. Force
I’m not talking now about the number of push-ups he can do in two sets. Although, of course, muscles and an elastic press have not harmed anyone yet. I’m talking about an inner strength, an invisible steel rod.
In the eyes of such a man it is read: «I know who I am and what I want from life.» The sexiest man is the one who is confident in himself, soberly assesses his strengths and capabilities, who achieves what he wants. He does not give in to infantile whims and does not allow weakness of character. Behind such a man I want to be «like behind a stone wall.»
2. Vulnerability
If a man does not show vulnerability, he cannot be strong. This means that he does not hesitate to tell a woman about his desires, fears, about his feelings for her. He is not afraid to admit his guilt, ask for forgiveness and be wrong. Without absolute sincerity — on both sides! — you can not achieve intimacy. Namely, this intimacy will turn ordinary sex into lovemaking.
3. Wholeness
It is this factor that distinguishes a boy from a man. And although narcissists, Casanovas and «bad guys» at first fascinate, it gradually turns out that all this is nothing more than a mask, and their whole image is an inflated soap bubble. And they play all their games for the sake of raising their own self-esteem.
I don’t care about his hair color — if he charms with his intelligence, desire will not keep you waiting
There is nothing sexy about a man who pretends to be someone else, who does not feel, but only portrays feelings, and who pretends that he does not care at all about the experiences of his woman. In short, if you have to choose between Mad Men’s Don Draper and To Kill a Mockingbird’s Atticus Finch, I’ll give my preference to the latter.
4. Intelligence
The brain, for all its external unattractiveness, is the sexiest «component». And I’m not talking about IQ — these are just dry numbers. I mean the unquenchable thirst for knowledge, the desire to discover something new for yourself, to create and not get hung up on one thing.
I’m talking about a man who knows and can do more than me. With whom it is interesting to talk, argue, listen to his opinion. Seriously, I don’t care about his height and hair color — if he charms me with his intelligence, desire will not keep me waiting.
5. Sense of humor
A man without a sense of humor is like running out of hot water in the shower. I can’t imagine how you can communicate with a very serious, understanding everything literally and rarely laughing man. I believe that intelligence and a sense of humor are closely related to each other.
A smart person understands hints and knows how to find bright, or rather, funny sides, even in the most hopeless situation. But here it is also important to match the sense of humor with the prospective partner. If his jokes do not make me laugh, and his — mine, then no force of love will be able to keep us together.
6. Heat
It is impossible to constantly try to reach out to a person who has closed himself in and does not let anyone closer than a meter. It’s exhausting. Compassion, empathy, smiling and being able to laugh at problems together all open up feelings. Believe me, kindness is very sexy.
7. Generosity
There is nothing more asexual than stinginess. Moreover, a stingy person can be stingy not only with money, but also with feelings. And although the indefatigable distribution of funds — and emotions — indicates a lack of self-control and low self-esteem, counting every penny and saving feelings demonstrate that a person does not put his partner in anything.
In my experience, I was convinced that stingy men are just as stingy for affection in bed. A generous partner will not only spare no money for a beautiful bouquet just like that, but will also give you all of himself in bed.
8. Tenderness
These are any manifestations of warmth. It’s a light kiss on the neck when I’m doing the dishes and he walks by. It’s when he strokes my knee under the table or cheers me up when we talk to his friends at dinner. When he puts his head on my chest just because it’s more comfortable for him to sit next to me and watch a movie. A man who loves touch for its own sake, and not for the sake of sex — that’s sexy.
9. Mindfulness
Not so long ago, I liked ambitious men, but that’s gone. Over time, I realized that many ambitions cannot be called real. Most often they give birth to self-doubt, greed and aggression, which, you see, do not excite at all.
The only place I want to obey is the bedroom. And that’s just my wish
Mindfulness is the ability to be attentive during the most difficult and painful life situations. When a man remains calm in the face of all the hardships that fate has prepared for him, when not a single failure can lead him astray from the intended path — that’s when my knees buckle.
10. Partnership
The only place I want to obey is the bedroom. And that is only at my request. In other cases, I need a man who will not try to command me, who understands the importance of compromise, mutual understanding and respect. I don’t have free time to waste on a man who wants to dominate, just to feel macho.
11. Confidence in bed
Real confidence has nothing to do with the size of the penis, the virtuosity of the positions and the duration of sex. This is the general atmosphere in the bedroom that he creates. This is not dominance, but authority. His desire to understand my body language, to notice the slightest changes in my breathing, to look into my eyes at the right moment.
With him, I’m not afraid to be open, vulnerable, because I feel incredibly desirable. From a man who knows not only what he wants in bed, but also what I want, my heart skips a beat with delight.
Most of these points didn’t cross my mind when I was twenty. Then I liked rich businessmen with cool sports cars, with expensive restaurants and gifts. But over the years, I realized that all this is short-lived and superficial — the money runs out, and the person changes. An indisputable plus of my age is that I finally understand what kind of man I want to see next to me.
About the Author: Erica Jagger is a blogger and journalist.