Contents
- 1. Our concept of responsibility is changing.
- 2. We need confirmation of the seriousness of the relationship
- 3. We need to be patient
- 4. We are afraid of quarrels
- 5. We understand that if the relationship has exhausted itself, it is better to end it.
- 6. Our family circumstances are often difficult.
- 7. We are psychologically flexible
- 8. We know how to love for real
Divorce is a difficult experience for the whole family, especially for children. What experience do they get during the divorce proceedings of their parents? And how do such children differ from their peers from complete families?
The world of a five-year-old child is simple and understandable. He knows that the sky is always blue, the grass is green, and his family consists of himself, mom and dad (and sometimes brothers and sisters). And this world collapses if something changes.
I went to kindergarten when my parents divorced. They tried their best to keep me from suffering. But I understood that something was wrong with my family, because I saw that the families of my friends were not at all like mine. But I couldn’t change the situation.
My mom raised me and we were best friends. Dad remarried, but we always had a close relationship. My life has not become terrible because of the divorce of my parents, but what happened has made me different.
“Children of divorce” are considered to be sufferers whose childhood was taken away by cruel parents. However, the difficulties that we had to endure, there are also positive aspects. I have formulated several features of the “children of divorce” that parents need to know about. They are based on my experience and expert opinions.
1. Our concept of responsibility is changing.
When parents separate, we worry about the fact that familiar family relationships suddenly disappear. Sexologist Jane Greer warns: “Be careful with children. Their ideas about marriage and relationships may change due to divorce, and they will avoid close relationships and responsibilities when they grow up.”
2. We need confirmation of the seriousness of the relationship
“They feel safe if they are sure that they are treated sincerely. Only then do they open themselves,” explains Jane Greer.
3. We need to be patient
It seems that celebrating a birthday and Christmas twice is wonderful: twice as many delicious food, gifts and guests. But in fact, this is unusual, especially at first.
4. We are afraid of quarrels
Children who have often witnessed parental quarrels do not know how to conflict in a civilized way. We try to avoid showdowns, and are afraid that we might be abandoned if something goes wrong. “Sometimes they are very sensitive, they can worry about nonsense, because they saw that quarrels can lead to a breakdown in relationships,” explains Jacqueline Newman, a family lawyer from New York.
5. We understand that if the relationship has exhausted itself, it is better to end it.
Some of us have learned over time that parental separation is the best solution for everyone and that divorce is not the end of the world. This lesson is often useful when we build relationships ourselves.
6. Our family circumstances are often difficult.
Often we communicate closer with one of the parents. Many have to live in two houses, with different rules, requirements and relationships.
7. We are psychologically flexible
We are more flexible than our peers from wealthy families, because we just have to be like that. No matter how civilized the divorce of our parents was, we had to grow up faster, and we learned to experience more adult emotions.
8. We know how to love for real
We not only want love for ourselves, but we ourselves do everything possible to save relationships.
About the author: Lindsey Holmes is a journalist.