What is your anger telling you?

Unfortunately, anger has gotten a bad rap because of the destructive actions people do in a fit of anger. But anger is not bad. It is not harmful to health and is not a sign that you have lost control of yourself. This is just a signal that something needs to change in our lives.

So what does he tell you?

1. You need to set boundaries.

Anger often signals a violation of emotional boundaries. Is there a person in your life who constantly tells you what to do, doesn’t listen to you, or constantly criticizes you? Are there people who do not accept rejection or insult you?

Anger often arises when we feel like someone has crossed a line but don’t know how to deal with it. When we fail to set healthy boundaries in our lives, we turn our anger onto other people.

If you feel angry at a person, stop and ask yourself: Is there anything you want to say to them, but for some reason you can’t?

2. Your emotional needs are not being met.

We have a range of emotional needs that need to be met. We need to feel understood, meaningful, heard, seen, respected, and that’s not all. Anger often arises when people feel rejected, ignored, misunderstood, or disrespected.

Many do not even realize what they need and do not understand why they feel unsatisfied. This feeling sometimes arises from the frustration caused by the inability to clearly and convincingly communicate their desires to others. Make a list of your emotional needs and try to understand which ones are not being met and what might be causing your emotions.

3. You need to acknowledge and express “vulnerable” feeling

Anger is a powerful experience. It gives strength and courage to stand up to injustice and stand up for yourself. When we are angry, we can feel powerful. But there are a number of emotions that cause opposite sensations.

Feelings such as shame, humiliation, fear, anxiety, insecurity, and vulnerability are very difficult to bear. And when they first arise, we quickly turn to anger to avoid them. For example, we may be angry at the one who caused them in us. So the next time you feel angry, try to look beyond it. Did you feel insecure and anxious? Did something or someone make you feel ashamed? Recognizing and expressing these deep feelings can greatly reduce the intensity of the rage you experience.

4. Violated core values

Our values ​​are what is important to us at a deep level. Core values ​​can be: justice, loyalty, freedom, independence, family, adventure and others. Emotions are strongly associated with them.

When we live our values, we experience a sense of pride and deep satisfaction. When we go against them, we may experience feelings of shame or anger. It is anger that often says that we or another person have violated the principles of life that are important to us.

Try to understand what important values ​​you are neglecting and bring your life back into balance in accordance with them.

5. An old wound needs to be healed.

Sometimes we feel angry and cannot pinpoint the cause. It may be caused by an old traumatic memory. If you have been emotionally, physically or sexually abused in the past, the memory of it will be stored in your subconscious mind. Anything that is reminiscent of the traumatic event can evoke the same emotions you experienced then.

This often happens in partnerships. A loved one does or says something that brings up unconscious memories from the past, and you get hit. Therefore, when trying to sort out anger, think about the person it is directed at. Does he remind you of someone? Are you rightly projecting your problems onto him?

Trying to process anger when it hits you is extremely difficult. It’s easier to do this after you’ve calmed down. But the more you work out what lies at its core, the easier it will be to deal with it. Managing anger means learning how to calmly communicate and express your thoughts, despite the rage we feel inside.