I want and I must — a traditional opposition, characteristic of an unformed personality, for a person-child of any age. The opposition of Want and Must comes from childhood, NECESSARY and WANT — these are the problems of harmful children and not very wise parents.
If a child has “caring” parents, he gets used to the fact that his “want or don’t want” is something important. If you don’t want to, say “I don’t want to!”, And then you won’t eat this porridge. But maybe you can still eat? They persuaded you, and you strongly said: “I don’t want to!”, And you were in the center of attention.
The protest against “Need” is not a common childhood trait, but the problem of illiterate education. Usually these are the problems of children who, for various reasons, are used to objecting to their parents. Parents say: “That must be done!”, And such a child immediately with his voice, and with his whole body and with all his soul: “I don’t want to!” — simply because the parents said NECESSARY. As a child, protesting against should is a form of warfare with parents and a form of drawing attention to oneself.
It is interesting that childhood passes, but such grown-up children still have a protest against NADO. Parents are no more, and out of habit he shouts at every NECESSARY: “But I don’t want to!”. The Inner Saboteur is formed.
And then he needs to deceive himself in order to deal with himself, and then the Echo-Magnet is needed. The inner parent shouted that it was NECESSARY, but I didn’t listen to him and he fell silent. Well, if I’m silent, then I’ll wait a bit … And when I can do something like not at the behest of these nasty Parents with their nasty MUST, but sort of like myself, then I can do it. Because really, why not?
But there are children who, in their childhood, loved their parents and were happy to do what their parents told them to do. Wash — thank you, mom, I’ll run to wash! Do homework — thanks, dad, for the reminder, I’m already running! And then in adult life, the opposition of NECESSARY and I WANT — no. If necessary, I will do it, just look at my other tasks and my condition, and then I will insert it into my schedule and lifestyle. And then the «Echo-Magnet» is not needed …
Need — it’s always someone’s want. Only: whose and what? Sometimes it is I want parents, once thoughtless, and once wise and caring. Sometimes it’s I want yours, only I want you — tomorrow. Then Must is the ability to see tomorrow.
Sir Baskerville hated oatmeal, but he had to eat it.
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Someone does not like the word «Need», he likes the word «I want» more. Fine. An adult just wants what is needed. What is necessary now, then an adult wants. And then everything becomes easy.
Note: I want to have different levels. For example, “I don’t want to do exercises in the morning” is a simple level. And “I want to be healthy” is a higher level of desire. And if you want to be healthy, you already have to do exercises. Even higher you can find answers to the questions why it turns out to be healthy too. It is necessary. Maybe sometimes “Necessary is the ability to see not only tomorrow, but also the day after tomorrow”? Have we grown to the point where we can only talk about tomorrow? It turns out that the older a person is, the deeper and more correctly he predicts. And the better he understands that more is needed. More precisely, more is needed.
When the mature Want intersects in a collision with the stereotyped Must, apparently, the position of Want is more worthy. If the childish Want and the adult Must collide, apparently in this case the right Must.
When a person «sends» his character and lives according to the needs of his body, he is rather motivated by what is «natural» to him, what he «wants» or «does not want». When he begins to act as a person, he is guided rather by what “should”, what “should”, “as it should be”. A person as an organism understands what he wants, a person as a person looks at what is needed now and takes care that he wants it. As a rule, this is not a difficult matter.
Childhood passes, we become adults. And adults already know that there is no one to seriously talk about their “I want — I don’t want”. If you want, go and make it yourself if you can, or buy it if you have money. And adults simply do what “should”, because no one will do it for them.
Unless, of course, they are really adults, and stopped playing in childhood. I want — I don’t want.
If the wording «Need!» continues to cause you an internal protest, reformulate «I must» into «I choose.» Even if you are forced to do something, ask yourself what do you choose: do the necessary or ignore? Go to work when you don’t feel like it, or don’t go? Strictly speaking, you are always free, but if you, as a free person, still decide not to do stupid things and go to work, then formulate it as «I chose.» This is not just a play on words, but an honest wording. We are free people, and we do all the main things because we chose it.