Contents
Sometimes the roots of life’s failures are hidden in our inner attitudes. Are you able to become realistic and think critically in order to deviate from the wrong path and achieve what you want?
When Dreaming Is Dangerous
Now a lot of books have been written about dreams. About the fact that you need to dream globally, to keep up with everything in all areas of life. At the same time, it is important to always be on horseback, in shape, to keep the style in any situation, and in general, we should be no worse than our neighbor (and preferably much better).
And many do not understand that sometimes it is this plan, this huge dream that causes failure.
If I spoke in public, I would have heard, I believe, indignant exclamations: how is it? And like this: the reason for many failures is our idealizations. In simple terms, this is what we firmly believe in, that it should be exactly this way, and not otherwise. This «otherwise» does not suit us, it is highly undesirable.
And such fantasies — like ours must to be — relate to all spheres of life, starting with the idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbwhat we are.
The proud man’s trap
For example, the idea that pride is good. I am proud. I will never ask anyone for help. Because I have to deal with everything myself. This is an idealization. What does it mean in real life? It means that I will experience excessive stress — both physical and mental. Frequent resentment of other people for being “wrong” and not acting as proudly (i.e., asking for help), that it is not fair to ask other people, and such a victory is in a sense despicable.
Pride is also not accepting help when there is a desperate need — psychological, medical, economic … This is when the choice to perish looks better in the eyes of the proud than admitting that he is a little confused and asking for help. (But what if others find out? No, it’s better to perish.)
Pyrrhic victory for parents
Another example: when you have an idea of what the (ideal) life of your child should look like. It should be scheduled by the minute.
Or by so many years, he should be able to … (usually this is followed by a long list, which would be enough for three people).
And if the child refuses or cannot, according to his natural data, correspond to this list, then the world of the parent collapses. Or rather, its idealization. And then the war begins: invisible, powerful and usually with consequences, and the weaker one will lose in it. Will break. And usually it’s a child. A broken life rarely looks beautiful, spectacular, proud. Ultimately, this is a Pyrrhic victory.
But in the moment of struggle it is important to win. And we won’t stand up for the price? ..
How to notice in yourself a tendency to idealization
Realizing how costly our desire to make the world around us ideal can be, we will be ready to take the next step and test how much we are subject to this habit of thinking.
You can go through the checklist and honestly answer some questions for yourself.
Do you have such a powerful hold on ideals and a sense of self-righteousness that even the calmest person begins to conflict with you? This is because you are actively broadcasting aggression. And the other one just gives it back to you.
Do you absolutely need to bring your point of view to your opponent at all costs? Even if no one asks about this point of view? Especially if you don’t ask.
Do you definitely need to answer, to wipe the nose of a stranger who wrote something under your post, so that he knows exactly your opinion on this issue?
Is it vital for you that a person accepts exactly your point of view, your plan, your position?
There is only your opinion, all other points of view have no right to exist?
Do you know exactly what is best for Petya, Sasha, Masha? Better than them, because you have a lot of life experience and you have seen life?
If you sincerely answered “yes” to yourself most of the questions, it’s already good. This means that you are capable of self-criticism and change.
The next step is to notice these peculiarities in everyday life. And then you will have the opportunity to limit their influence on your decisions and make choices more meaningful and towards a happier life. Living in peace with yourself and those around you.