Hello, dear readers of Valery Kharlamov’s blog! The NLP metamodel is necessary so that the interlocutors can better understand each other, without guessing or fantasizing about what each of them had in mind. That is, it helps to obtain the most reliable information, not distorted, and not lost in the process of communication.
Some general information
Do you know about reflections on eternal philosophical topics, for example, what is love? So, I think I won’t tell you a secret that everyone has their own understanding and definition of it. Only in communication, rarely does anyone go into details about how exactly he understands and measures it, using the so-called “compression”. And over time, conflicts and disappointments may arise in such a pair due to the fact that people initially did not clarify what everyone puts into this concept. And there are many such examples.
Therefore, in 1975, John Grinder, together with Richard Bandler, developed a meta-model that helps, with the help of certain questions, not only to understand as closely as possible what the interlocutor is talking about, but also to reorganize their own experiences and, in general, sensations.
And this is necessary, for example, when negotiating, in order to still clarify the necessary points and come to a mutually beneficial agreement, in sales, because it is important to know what exactly the client wants, otherwise he will leave the store without purchases, in his personal life and in general, with any situations where the interlocutor is present.
The metamodel itself is one of the NLP techniques, a language one, which has clarifying questions in its arsenal, with the help of which clarification occurs. So, let’s look at it in more detail.
Structure
Consists of a deep and surface structure. What does it mean?
Deep is an attempt to convey your feelings and experiences to another person, only sometimes one part of them is unconscious, and for the other there are no suitable words. For example, this is how to describe in words a 3D picture, in volume and from different angles.
After all, have you ever had situations when you wanted to talk about your feelings, but no matter what words you used, it still didn’t come out so fully and vividly that you had to connect actions, comparisons and examples?
But the surface structure just consists of these formulations and statements to help «get» information from the depths of the subconscious. But before the interlocutor receives the necessary information, she will go through the so-called modeling process, which consists of three stages: omission, generalization and distortion.
Let’s look at each in more detail.
- Omission. When a part of the material is considered insignificant, it is therefore ignored, which makes it important to restore the lost.
- Generalization. When various restrictions appear through the formation of stereotypes, only one way can help to cope with them — to go beyond the boundaries in order to test the reality as it really is, and not in fantasy.
- Distortion. An incorrect wording is created, due to which the whole meaning changes, therefore it is important to restore the original and correct structure.
Each of these stages has its own patterns, which I have presented schematically. The table will help to look at them more voluminously and objectively.
Exercises
- Play detective. Take any article, news as a source, read carefully and write down a number of questions that could be asked. So over time, you will learn to assess the situation more objectively, better understand its meaning and meaning, and also not “follow the lead” of false facts.
- To complete this exercise, you will need friends or acquaintances. This is called «working in triplets». Distribute roles among yourself, which you will subsequently change in a circle. The narrator is obliged, accordingly, to tell any story, only intentionally distorting some details, losing sight of important nuances, and, of course, using generalizations. Therefore, the function of the Operator is to clarify as much as possible, getting to the bottom of the matter. Approximately 15 minutes are allotted for this process, which can be detected by a third participant, the Observer. At the end, he gives feedback, that is, he talks about the feelings experienced, thoughts and fantasies that arose while both the monologue and the dialogue lasted.
- And this technique involves the reverse process, that is, it is necessary to write a sufficiently detailed sensory description of any situation, after which it is deliberate to gradually begin to generalize it, using both distortion and omission. For example:
- Today I woke up half an hour later than expected, which is why I was late for school.
- Today I was half an hour late for school.
- I was late for work today… and so on.
Recommendations
- When communicating and asking clarifying questions, control your non-verbal expressions. Otherwise, by overdoing it with intonation and facial expressions, you will be more like an investigator during interrogation, and not a person who is trying to “hear” and better understand the interlocutor. Look at the article about non-verbal communication, it details all the manifestations of feelings, thanks to which it will become easier for you to understand other people without words, as well as track your condition.
- Apply the table in your daily life, not only in relation to other people, but also to yourself. Pay attention to how you present the material, how clear and understandable you are to others. Believe me, the quality of your life will increase significantly if you are understood. But this is worth the effort. Therefore, every time you talk about something, do not forget to think about yourself how accurately you have expressed it now, check with others whether you heard them correctly, etc.
- Be mindful of the number of questions you ask, if there are many, you will be considered intrusive and meticulous. Therefore, if your goal is not to cause negative emotions and alienate the interlocutor, control yourself, as well as the reactions of the one with whom you communicate.
- To better understand other people, explore yourself first. Namely, what metamodels do you use more often, why do you need it and why did you choose these methods. And most importantly — what does each of the stages of modeling give you? For example, some people avoid intimacy by keeping their distance and keeping them at a distance with their obscurity. Or, using generalizations, it is easier for them to determine how to live and act further due to lack of experience or fear of taking risks. And sometimes they try to bring weight to their words with the help of a lost performative.
Conclusion
And finally, I want to recommend that you look at the article “Is it possible to control people with the help of NLP and what are the impact techniques for this”. Strength to you, inspiration and clarity in communication!