What is stopping you? (S. Hadfield)

We live in interesting times

Before our eyes, the world has rapidly changed so much that, casting a glance at the recent past, we are amazed at all those innovations that have long been perceived as the most trivial attribute of modern life (mobile phones, the Internet, wind turbines, bike paths, electric cars, barcodes, iPads, Amazon, Google, plasma panels, men with prams). Meanwhile, some things — smoking in restaurants, movie theaters and airplanes, metal dumpsters, check books, many small pubs and shops, the Woolworths retail chain, comet applications, video cassettes, vinyl discs, film cameras — are forever gone.

Changes have affected not only science and technology. Natural disasters, notably the Indian Ocean earthquake and tsunami in 2004, Hurricane Katrina and the 2005 Pakistan earthquake, have entered the lives of each of us and once again forced the world to unite in the face of mass death and destruction. Events such as the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, the construction of the Channel Tunnel (1994), the tragedy of September 11, 2001, the election of the first black president of the United States in 2008, even the new records of the Olympic Games, have transformed our view of the world and, respectively, on themselves.

Only change is permanent

No matter how happy we are with the emergence of new gadgets, believing that they will make life better, no matter how nostalgic we feel for the good old things that have died in Bose, only one thing is certain: everything is changing, including the inner world of man. No one is ever allowed to remain a teenager all his life. Remember your favorite book in your youth, a movie, a musical group, a hobby, an idol, your youthful aspirations — they are probably different from the current ones. Experienced more than once forced each of us to adjust our views and beliefs, and the future promises more and more changes.

You live an interesting life

By now, some stages of your life are behind you. As a child, you had no doubt that you could choose a profession in any field of activity, become whatever you want: an astronaut and a researcher, a veterinarian and a football player, a writer and a musician. A little time passed, and along with youth came doubts and quests, and with them new dreams. Young years probably brought uncertainty about the correct choice of life path. Probably, life has given you success, love, friendship and achievements, and you can be proud of yourself. But over time, one has to face difficulties related to relationships, ambitions and social position.

Changes that happened in your life on their own

Perhaps your life cannot be called easy: it is possible that you had to endure misfortunes, illnesses, lies and betrayal. Maybe you have done things that you regret. At some point, you probably catch yourself on the fact that your only desire is to be accepted by your environment or to provide yourself with confidence in the future. Whatever dissatisfaction and depression you may experience in connection with the experience, remember: the past is gone forever, only you yourself in your memories can revive it from non-existence. There is no point in moaning about life’s injustice, missed opportunities and comparing yourself with those to whom life’s blessings, as you think, are floating into their hands.

The changes you bring to your life

A whole series of changes in your life happened regardless of your will — you had no opportunity to choose. But you are not a helpless pawn on the chessboard of your own life — you, too, made decisions that changed its course. The transformations could be expressed in the fact that you abandoned some of your previous actions (for example, stopped spending money on coffee every day); acquired new, more useful habits (began to go to work not by car, but by bicycle); decided to bring something completely new into his life (say, become a volunteer).

If earlier, when making plans for the new year, you tried to make changes for the better, but your attempts were unsuccessful, then you most likely set some super-megagrand goals for yourself or did not formulate the task specifically enough: the decision to “go on a diet” or “train more” is often doomed to failure, as the goal is formulated too broadly and indistinctly, which is always fraught with serious disappointments. When everything went down the drain, there was a feeling of hopelessness. However, do not think that all efforts were in vain. If a person has learned the right lessons and is determined to move on, failure is reversible.

Fear of change

At some point, you may feel a sense of dissatisfaction or dissatisfaction with life — just at such a moment the danger of making a failed decision is highest. It will seem that leaving everything as it is, enjoying what you already have is more reliable and safer. At the same time, unconsciously, you will still wait for some kind of incentive that will somehow push you to change.

It will take a lot of courage to make a decision in mature reflection to change your life. Even more courage is needed to move from words to deeds. Research shows that young people fear change primarily out of fear of failing if the choice is ineffective. However, in adulthood, we tend to regret much less what we have done than what we have not done.

We are not willing to go to any lengths to avoid risk, all out of fear that we will not be able to cope with the disappointment of unfulfilled expectations later. We clutter up our lives with so many things: we move, we decorate our house, we go on a diet, we buy more and more things — any excuse is good, so long as not to achieve the essential changes that we deep down desire. Meanwhile, according to the results of the research, people tend to exaggerate their fear of failure: for some reason, it is expected that failure will bring more suffering than it actually happens. Indeed, when embarking on some business, we form in advance an internal readiness to accept any outcome: regrets arise not because we acted, but, on the contrary, because at some point we didn’t have the courage to act.

Act proactively

A proactive life position suggests that a person, having thought about what he spends his life on, asks himself whether he really wants such a life for himself (while a reactive position assumes only a reaction to events that have already taken place). To realize your best means to invest time and energy in thinking, planning and acting. This is your life, and it is up to you to determine its course. When it is rich and satisfying, it is usually assumed that you get joy from work and you have trusting relationships with other people, and these two factors are interconnected: if a person is unhappy in his personal life, it is difficult for him to succeed at work, and, conversely, if he does not realize himself in work, then he brings discontent home.

For people, the most significant changes are those that are primarily related to relationships and careers, and the very idea that something will have to change in these two aspects of life will discourage anyone. What can we say about fundamental, radical changes: the mere thought of them gives rise to fears and doubts of such strength that it can paralyze the will to act of the most courageous person. Nevertheless, there are people who, faced with such fears, doubts and decisions, took it and transformed it. The stories of such people are told in this book.

In addition, we will talk about the tricks that people use to avoid change, and change, it would seem, is very desirable. We will also dwell on the reasons that force us to resort to such tricks. It also analyzes approaches that someone may have already applied when looking for solutions, and for someone they will become a source of inspiration and a guide to action in an effort to realize and evaluate their present. Inaction is also a life position: choosing inaction, a person decides to live as before, while consciously changing his life means making a choice that is aimed at creating a new, better way of life for himself.

Perhaps at one point or another, your lifestyle ceases to suit you. However, you do not have an internal readiness for radical transformations either. In that case, how about making a single change in your life — it’s not difficult at all? Meanwhile, you have to make sure that even the smallest shifts are fraught with enormous potential. It is enough to feed your fears and doubts, allowing them to take possession of all your thoughts — a completely different path is open before you: to optimally realize all the opportunities that life gives you. This is what we subconsciously strive for. As soon as the decision is made to change something or experience something new, you will immediately feel a surge of strength, and your life will never be the same again.

You will make any shift, no matter how small, and this shift will be the first link in the chain of positive changes that it has launched that will affect all aspects of your life.

As soon as you feel that change is ripe and you are ready for new ideas and accomplishments, this book will show you the way to put your ideas into practice. She will inspire you by talking about other people who, just like you, wished to follow their dreams and live life without regrets about missed opportunities.

Earnestly? Just one single change — no matter how big or small — and the whole course of your future life can change dramatically. Now for reading: learn how to find the motivation and inspiration to transform your life.

1. Motivation. Whole life ahead

Those millions who yearn for immortality are not even able to figure out what to do on a rainy Saturday evening.

Susan Ertz

«Whole life ahead. Don’t waste time» You have heard these words many times in your youth. Did he tell them to anyone? This is an indisputable truth, and it is true for any of us: we are entering our future, and it depends only on us whether we will be able to realize those wonderful opportunities that life holds in the years allotted to us. Decisions that are critical for any aspect of being are made not only at 18 and 21, but also later — throughout the rest of your life.

What news to start with — good or bad? Let’s start with the good news: over the past century, human life expectancy has increased from an average of 47 to 80 years.

But then I have plenty of time, you say. What is the problem?

First, there is very little time between the cradle and the grave. It is currently expected that a newborn boy can reach the age of 78,9 years, and a girl — 82,9. The reader might be thinking, «I’m only 38 — I have another 40 years ahead of me to make my dreams come true.» But life makes its own corrections: the trouble is that the increase in average life expectancy is not tantamount to an increase in average healthy life expectancy.

What age do you like?

Thanks to modern advances in medicine, deaths from heart disease and strokes have decreased, and the belief in the dangers of smoking and excessive alcohol consumption has strengthened in society. We are more aware of the importance of a healthy diet. There is now a more favorable economic environment for rising living standards: people live in more comfortable homes, often with central heating, and their workplaces are mostly safe and air-conditioned. Thus, life expectancy should increase, but growth alone is not enough for us — give us additional years of active and healthy life.

What does «healthy life expectancy» mean?

So, we want to live as long as possible while remaining in good health. Healthy life expectancy is an estimate of the number of years a person born in a particular year is expected to be able to live without diseases and disabilities, such as cancer, dementia, and severe arthritis. The average number of years lived with a serious illness is subtracted from the average total life expectancy, resulting in a healthy-adjusted average life expectancy.

And what do you think is the average healthy life expectancy? (Write down your answer.) Once you know, try asking the same question to people you know. Their guesses will vary wildly (my experience is that the range is usually between 40 and 80 years). People tend to speculate based on the health of their loved ones, and sometimes simply because they know that this or that person led an active lifestyle until a very old age: “My aunt is 93 years old, and she is still herself goes to the store and cooks.

Remember, like average life expectancy in general, average healthy life expectancy means average age in general. This does not mean that it is at this age that you begin to suffer from diseases and other health problems (and, of course, people who are asked the above question will assume that this figure does not apply to them). But what does this number mean then?

According to modern research, the average man can expect to be healthy until age 63, and the average woman until age 65.

So, the increase in life expectancy and our physical longevity does not mean that as we age, we will be able to lead the same active, full of fascinating lives that we expected. Looking at these figures, you, like anyone else, will notice to yourself: “So these are just averages. It’s not about me. I am determined to keep in excellent physical shape, good spirits and live a wonderful life until the very last days.

(If you want to know where is the best place to live, then the highest average life expectancy in the world — 89,7 years — in Monaco. The lowest — 48,7 years — in Chad. UK, where the average life expectancy is 80,2 years , in 30th place, and America, with an average life expectancy of 78,5 years, occupies line 51. The largest number of people who have passed the 90-year-old live in Japan, followed by Sweden, Italy and France.)

Scientists at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore followed 6,2 men and women for eight years and identified four habits that are most likely to help people ensure a long and healthy life. According to them, smoking cessation is the most significant factor, followed by a Mediterranean diet (vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and fish), regular exercise, and maintaining a healthy weight.

Be happy while you live, otherwise you died long ago.

Scottish proverb

Of course, we do not just want to live a healthy life — we want our years to pass with a feeling of happiness and deep satisfaction. Looking back over the years, we would like to think that we have reached our full potential without wasting our lives on worthless relationships or tedious work. It is pleasant for everyone to realize that he has always lived and lives with dignity — he learns new things and fully realizes his talents and abilities.

Observations show that enthusiasts of their work always arouse universal admiration, whether it be sports, art, craft, etc. Having discovered a true passion for this or that occupation, they continuously improve, striving to reach the heights of mastery. For most of us, this life is an impossible dream. What’s stopping us? Yes, it’s always the same thing — a mean voice, always whispering: “Don’t even think about aiming at something like that.” A negative role is often played by family upbringing, which does not allow breaking out of the framework once established by someone. Let us add our tendency to give in to our own laziness — and we will have a fairly complete picture of the factors that put an insurmountable barrier on the way to the full realization of our inner potential.

It is easy to find excuses and compare yourself with those to whom fate was more merciful. It is indisputable that favorable living conditions and the support of relatives contributed to many successful people in achieving their goals. But it is also clear that many of our future idols started small and achieved success often in spite of family upbringing and life’s hardships.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Grace Hansen

It is easy to reason when a person understands exactly what he wants in life from an early age. Looking at young Olympians like Jessica Ennis ) and Tom Daly (British diver born in 1986, specializing in diving from a 100-meter platform. Note ed.), we understand that we will never become like that again, because we were not destined to, as them, to realize their destiny at the very dawn of life. In addition, there were people who supported and inspired them on the way to achievements. But no amount of support in the world would have made them champions if they themselves had not had the unshakable determination and will to win: rising at five in the morning, the strictest diet, restrictions in social life, the need to deny themselves pleasant pastime with family and friends. You don’t think about all this, watching them at the finish line. Only the result is visible to the world: a modest smile in front of the camera, self-irony, a victorious cup frozen in raised hands.

Never stop trying to find your true calling. Everything will work out if there is love and inspiration.

Ella Fitzgerald

It’s already late?

There is no doubt that in order to achieve mastery in a number of areas, you need to start from an early age: for the highest sports achievements, you need a young body. Nevertheless, any occupation at any age is within the reach of any person. Of course, we will never become Olympic champions, but we can always set ourselves reasonable goals and achieve some result. In some sports and in a number of creative fields there are no age restrictions — you can become an artist, writer, musician, traveler, canoeist, marathon runner, entrepreneur at any age. The choice is yours.

The variety of creative activities that can be done in adulthood is not limited to the above list. Many people changed careers and moved into completely different fields of activity in their 40s and 50s and even in their 60s and 70s. Sometimes this happened due to some kind of turning point — a reduction in staff or the birth of a child. Having experienced this, people came to the conclusion that they no longer had any desire to do what they used to be quite happy with.

In fact, many people are destined to find themselves only in advanced years. They may not be destined for fame due to their late start, but aren’t they worthy of admiration for their accomplishments: start school and get a degree in your 70s, create a business after retirement, write your first novel, travel around the world, become a great photographer, an avid birdwatcher, learn a new language, take up horseback riding, singing or playing a musical instrument?

Perhaps you think that something in life did not come true due to a difficult start, poor preparation, lack of proper guidance and support from family and friends. But all these adverse moments can now be used to create excellent motivation for myself: if I can forget about the past and understand that it is never too late to start, then — with strong determination and an effective plan — I will be able to conquer any peaks.

Age is a question of the predominance of consciousness over matter. If you do not realize it, it is immaterial.

Mark Twain, who wrote The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn at the age of 50

People who are successful in adulthood

Writers

• Mary Wesley wrote her first adult novel at the age of 70.
• Jean Rhys wrote the novel Wide Sargasso Sea (it was published in Russian under the title Antoinette) in 1996 at the age of 76 (after a hiatus of nearly 30 years).
• Laura Ingles Wilder was 65 years old when she began writing the Little House on The Prairie book series.
• Flora Thompson wrote Lark Rise to Candleford at the age of 63.
  
• Raymond Chandler was 52 when he wrote his first novel, Big Sleep.
• Marina Levitska wrote her first novel, A Brief History of Tractors in Ukrainian, at the age of 58.
• British doctor Peter Roger published his work Roget’s Thesaurus («Roger’s Thesaurus») when he was 73 years old.

Policy

• At the age of 70, Golda Meir became the fourth prime minister of Israel.
• Ronald Reagan was elected President of the United States just before his 70th birthday.
• Nelson Mandela became President of South Africa in 1994 at the age of 74.
• In 1922, at the age of 55, Stanley Baldwin became Chancellor of the Exchequer, and a year later, Prime Minister. He retired at the age of 70.
• Lloyd George was 53 when he became prime minister in 1916.
• Winston Churchill became prime minister for the first time at 65, and met his second term as prime minister in 1951, when he was about 77.

Scientists

• Dorothy Hodge did research related to X-ray analysis and was awarded the Nobel Prize at the age of 54.
• Lise Meitner continued her atomic research when she was in her 80s.
• Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin at the age of 47.
• Charles Darwin published his findings in On the Origin of Species at the age of 50.
• Barbara McClintock was awarded the Nobel Prize at the age of 81 for her discovery of the recombination of hereditary information as a result of crossing over.

Sport

• The oldest Olympic champion was Oscar Swan, who won two gold medals in 1908 and 1912 and a silver medal in 1920, at the age of 72 (shooting the «running deer»).

Musicians

• At 74, Verdi created the opera Othello, and at 80, Falstaff.
• Wagner was 60 years old when he wrote the operas Der Ring des Nibelungen, Tristan und Isolde and Parsifal.
• Beethoven wrote the Ninth Symphony at the age of 53.
• Susan Boyle won Britain’s Got Talent at the age of 47.

Artists

• Michelangelo began work on the frescoes of the Sistine Chapel when he was already 61 years old (work on the Sistine Chapel lasted five years). He became the chief architect of St. Peter’s Cathedral at the age of 71.
• Titian painted «Diana and Actaeon» when he was in his 70s.
• Tintoretto’s work at the Scuola San Rocco in Venice dates back to when the artist was 50–60 years old.
• w.e.ns, Goya, Velasquez and Rembrandt reached their creative heights when they were over 50.
• (For a video of the three octogenarian artists, visit the Tova Bek-Fridman Studio website: tbfstudio.com/a_portrait.html)

Are you a conceptualist or an experimentalist?

It’s probably easy to follow your passions and develop your creativity at a young age, living at home or in the company of equally young peers. Students who have a clear idea of ​​who they want to be usually do well in school because of their motivation and clearly defined goals. In youth, as a rule, there are no real obligations to anyone but ourselves. Expenses are practically non-existent if you live with your parents, and minimal if you study, are not burdened by a family and rent a house on a bargain.

David Geilenson, a professor at the University of Chicago, studied the age of innovative artists who were considered geniuses in their fields. He found that there was no evidence of a link between age and peak creative activity. Geilenson divided artists into two classes: conceptualists, who were clearly aware of what they wanted to do from the very beginning, and experimentalists, those who developed slowly over a long period and did not set specific goals for themselves.

There is no doubt that freedom from «adult» duties gave Mark Zuckerberg enough time to found Facebook at the age of 19, Tom Hadfield to create soccernet.com at the age of 12, Nick d’Aloysio to develop the Summly app in preparation for exams. for a high school diploma (and sell it to Yahoo in 2013 for £20m). In freedom, the young musicians, actors, and sports stars we admire today have had the opportunity to devote themselves fully to achieving their dreams.

But if in your youth there is no clear idea of ​​what you want, there is a high probability that you prepared for the wrong exams, received the wrong education and took up a job that did not meet your inner demands and needs. Sometimes this happens because of a lack of self-confidence or proper guidance, or maybe you “harness for a long time” in general, and besides, in your youth you did not have the resources, means and support to act far-sighted.

What’s Stopping You: You’ve Set Yourself a Secret Deadline

Perhaps you’ve set a tacit deadline for yourself, something like «I want to work in the editorial office of a national newspaper by the age of 30» or «I want to start my own business in the next three years.» In fact, a survey of 40 2012-year-olds by the Skipton Building Society in 19 found that adults are XNUMX years behind their self-imposed life goals, on average.

The feeling of dissatisfaction with life is surprisingly widespread and applies not only to careers, but also to the milestones that people set for themselves in their personal lives and relationships. The study found that the majority of adults planned to start a family by age 28, but 38 percent of them had not succeeded even ten years after their self-imposed deadline. Of the respondents, the majority hoped to meet their life partner by the age of 25, of which 33 percent did not manage to find him even at 40; 13 percent of those surveyed admitted that they have yet to find a permanent job.

Goals that a significant number of those surveyed failed to achieve include: to buy a car, write a will, travel abroad twice a year, enter into a formal or civil marriage, start building retirement savings, and for 71 percent, to earn income over 30 thousand pounds sterling (they hoped to solve this problem before the age of 31).

If you could go back in time, start all over again, what would you do differently? Would you have chosen the same career? If not, what would you like to be and what do you want to do?

A study commissioned by job site Monster.co.uk found that 47 percent of adults aged 40 to 50 regretted not putting in the effort to fulfill their childhood dream (compared to a third of those aged 60-70). 44 years). According to the results of this study, unrealized career aspirations are most associated with professions such as a doctor, veterinarian, athlete, and actor. People who, in their own words, dreamed of these professions, ended up working in the fields of education, administration and IT. Men showed a slightly higher level of dissatisfaction with their current job than women (XNUMX percent).

At the same time, as the answers to the question of what they would prefer to do in the present show, their preferences have changed, moving into the field of art and entertainment, with one respondent in ten expressing a desire to do television, film or music. A third of recent graduates also expressed regret at not following their childhood dreams, while noting that the years have added realism to them. One in six respondents said that in the present he is much more interested in how to find happiness than money and fame.

The dreams (perhaps secret) about the future that you now cherish may differ significantly from your young ambitious plans. After all, you yourself have changed, life has changed. You are no longer the carefree and irresponsible youngster you used to be. The dreams you once cherished may also have been transformed with the realization that you will never have the perseverance to become a doctor, or that you are not ready to devote your life to incessant work, without which it is impossible to become a true professional in a number of areas.

Sometimes internal changes are caused by some external, uncontrollable factors. A person could suffer an illness, the separation of his parents at a critical moment for his studies, or he had to move to a new place of residence, where he did not know anyone at all. Such events undermine self-confidence and subsequently contribute to the complete loss of the taste for risk: a person comes to the conclusion that he is simply not destined to fulfill his dreams and do what his soul truly lies to.

Perhaps you have realized the full degree of psychological insecurity that is characteristic of many people who have succeeded in very glamorous, as is commonly thought, fields — actors, musicians, writers. As the years go by, a stable income and well-defined working hours become increasingly important. You can be a great bass player or, like a comedian, make the audience roll with laughter, but what about paying utility bills? Maybe you made attempts to fulfill your dreams, but soon abandoned them, because success and critical acclaim did not come immediately. Or maybe you still feel acute nostalgia for the dreams of a distant childhood, long lost in the back of your mind, because you went the other way.

Want everything at once

Try to get everything at once — and it may turn out that the most desirable will elude you. Many are headlong into a career that they expect will lead to money, social status, and success. These people do not think about how the appropriate work regime will affect their personal lives. Sometimes you just need to stop and think: what, in fact, do I want from life? Who are the most important people in it? Is it possible to be proud of the present life? How to make it better?

If you have a family, then for sure you wish it prosperity and well-being, but your own dreams and ambitions are pushed into the background. Combining the fulfillment of the sometimes mutually exclusive requirements of modern life is a serious stress, leading to the collapse of the family, which was supposed to be supported by earnings.

The position in society and the material benefits that work brings lose all meaning if you are constantly in the grip of despondency and anxiety.

The problem is that in the process of chasing «everything at once» the meaning of the most essential things is blurred, since «having everything at once» implies an insatiable need to earn more and more in order to acquire. As you know, in such a race, relationships collapse, children are left without the attention of parents, friends are lost — work obscures everything that was once a priority. But do not forget that the position in society and the material benefits that work brings lose all meaning if you are constantly in the grip of despondency and anxiety.

In the case of a late start by the time clear life priorities are developed, it is easy to fall into the trap of obligations, rent, bills for goods and services and other delights of modern life. Once you’re already in a rut, it’s much harder to pull yourself up after admitting you’ve made a mistake and change course. This leads to severe internal torment, since it is extremely problematic to establish a balance between obligations and common sense, on the one hand, and the realization of a mistake and dreams of a different life path, on the other.

Quality time?

According to the Office of National Statistics, the typical working mother spends only about 19 minutes a day with her children; working fathers — and even less. A 2012 UNICEF report points out that many modern parents are in the grip of «cyclical compulsive consumerism» buying up toys, gadgets and designer items in an attempt to make up for the lack of quality time spent with their children. The results of this study show that children and their parents actually need more quality family time. The report also shows that many women who would like to have children remain childless because they postpone motherhood for too long due to financial difficulties or career aspirations.

This is why it is so common for late starters and those who are disappointed in their past choices to feel like failures. General dissatisfaction with life gives rise to an insurmountable feeling of helplessness: a person comes to the conclusion that this is his destiny and all that remains is to reconcile. With such an attitude, it is impossible to do something worthwhile, and people continue to drag out a miserable existence.

The choice is yours

Of course, it is much easier to ignore petty doubts and accept a life that has nothing to do not only with a dream, but also with simple human happiness. Getting out of your own comfort zone is a significant threat, because, by definition, you find solace inside it. The alternative does not necessarily involve doing something grand or risky — no, just do something that you have long aspired to, but considered “wrong”, because, you see, someone expected you to do otherwise.

Perhaps you feel that you have become a hostage of a job you hate and are forced to communicate with colleagues you don’t like just because it’s good or at least adequately paid. Some make a life for themselves that consists entirely of earning money: they plow to secure a better future for themselves, sacrificing health and relationships with loved ones. It happens that their mature years are spent entirely on getting back in shape (with a late visit to the gym, detox, treatment) or building relationships with children.

No matter how old you are and no matter how your career, relationships and personal life are now, a lot in life still remains ahead. Do not waste your days on unloved work and uninteresting people. After all, you are waiting for the golden years of life! Opportunities to earn what you love and pay more attention to loved ones will definitely be found, and life will become happy and complete. You are not the first to choose this path. Get to the start immediately — there is no better time to find!

2. Identification. Know yourself and your needs

The best way to prepare for death is to secure a wonderful life for yourself. This does not mean that you should live every day as if it were your last. You should not spend every day of your life in the company of 18 worried relatives bending over your bed, and a priest waiting in the corridor to give you communion.

Guy Browning. Do not hit the jellyfish with a shovel

“Live each day as if it were your last” is perhaps the worst life principle you can think of. Its meaning is that you should not waste time on things that do not bring satisfaction, but you should only do what you like (if you follow this principle, then your days should be spent eating chocolate and having sex). This may be great, but for most of us it is not feasible. Immediate gratification (like the one you experience after finishing a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine), if experienced too often, invariably produces a lasting detrimental effect. And considering that this is not the last day of your life, it is likely that there will be time to regret what you have done.

Of course, we have to do not exactly pleasant things (preparing for exams, working out in the gym) in order to enjoy the fruits of our efforts later. Delayed gratification comes on the condition that you persevere with all your might and do not stop moving towards the ultimate goal even in the most dreary and difficult times. The trouble is that the ultimate goal is sometimes obscured by the myriad of everyday events. So, work without rest and time, which you took to save money, becomes an everyday attribute of your life; the position, which was originally seen as a temporary measure and which had to be accepted to avoid unemployment after graduation, became permanent. But you keep working because you’re afraid you won’t find an alternative.

Too many of us do not realize our dreams because we realize our fears.

Les Brown

Routine

Being too busy can lead to the loss of the very meaning of work. A person works non-stop, he does not have time to think. Routine, like a swamp, ruthlessly drags him in, and it becomes incredibly difficult to “jump off” to look at yourself from the outside and ask yourself the question of who needs all this and why. More and more time is spent on what you need, and less and less time is left for what you want.

When there is no place in life for anything other than work, including your favorite pastime, the only possible solution is to take a vacation. The trouble is, it won’t solve anything: there’s no point in being miserable day in and day out for a few weeks in paradise. «Find a balance!» becomes a mantra that you mutter, trying to fill every free moment with maximum pleasure.

The concept of “life and work” balance suggests that the purpose of work is to provide the means to live your “real life”, that is, to do what pleases. Meanwhile, for many people, it is ideal to combine these two aspects of life, to make them one whole, in order to live in accordance with their beliefs and desires. A truly happy life requires will and stimulus (as well as pleasure), and to understand what this means for you personally, you need to turn to your own values ​​​​and attitudes.

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. Love what you do and success will come.

Albert Schweitzer

In order to determine the degree of your success, you need to realize your goals and objectives, as well as your own scale of values ​​- what you put above all else. The word «success» is usually associated with a high financial and social position or a place in the career hierarchy. However, everyone has their own, unique standard of success, and by defining their values ​​and guidelines, a person strives for a level of satisfaction with life and a sense of happiness due to his ability to provide for himself the life he wants. Schweitzer’s catchphrase «Love what you do and success will come» is true if one of the components of your idea of ​​success is the joy of achievement, the achievement of your goals and objectives, and a sense of fulfillment in everyday life.

What’s Stopping You: Live in the Here and Now

Such a feeling of fulfillment can only be achieved by “living here and now.” What has been said means that, having realized your negative experiences about the past, you should focus on the present, on what you are directly busy with now. In his book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi shows that the most effective way to find happiness is to engage in activities that completely absorb your mind and feelings (thereby allowing you to experience a psychological state he calls «flow»).

Being completely absorbed in something, a person cannot experience negative feelings or allow chaotic thoughts into his consciousness. Time flies unnoticed, and, completely immersed in your occupation, you stop noticing any discomfort, such as cold and hunger. According to Csikszentmihalyi, when the mind is not completely absorbed in activity, a place appears in it for negative thoughts and, being distracted, «the mind focuses on … recent resentment and long-standing disappointment.»

According to Csikszentmihalyi, happiness is a strong sense of joy from achievement and progress (as opposed to pleasure that serves only to satisfy our basic needs). Achieving this state requires effort and mental energy (that is, this state is not identical to what a person experiences when watching television or indulging in any other passive entertainment).

Csikszentmihalyi identifies nine different components, the presence of which is an indispensable condition for «entering the flow»:

• clear goals;
• immediate response to their own activities;
• compliance of the task with the level of competence;
• fusion of action and awareness;
• elimination of distraction;
• lack of fear of failure;
• lack of shyness and embarrassment;
• a distorted view of time;
• work for the sake of work itself (and not for the sake of remuneration).

Do you remember if something like this ever happened to you? What exactly were you doing? What kind of work can make you feel that way?

To feel successful and happy — for this you will have to combine activities that would completely capture you and at the same time allow you to maximize yourself in your personal life. For most of us, doing what we love is only half the battle, we will have to find the time and opportunities to maintain meaningful relationships with our loved ones.

It often happens that until the end of life a person does not realize that he wasted a huge amount of time on trifles. Don’t bring it to this, take some time for mental work that will help you realize your mortality and analyze your life: the remaining years at your disposal are priceless, and you need to make the most of them.

Learning from the mistakes of others and making sure that you yourself do not have regrets in old age can only be optimally used by all the opportunities that life gives, and living the way you want, and not following the expectations of others. It is not easy. It takes courage to analyze your life and determine if this is the life you want. If your current life does not suit you, take action to change it for the better. Sometimes a special wake-up call or bereavement is needed. Don’t hesitate a minute — be ready to change course without delay.