It’s possible that people today are no more socially avoidant than they used to be, but they certainly speak louder about it. The development of social networks has led to the emergence of a large number of people who want to boast that they are introverts and that they no longer need to talk to people at all (after all, even purchases can be made via the Internet).
But sometimes this withdrawal can be a sign of something more serious. Social phobia is one of the most common mental illnesses, although little is known about it. At the same time, Stefan G. Hofmann, who heads the program for the study of social phobia at Boston University, argues that this disease is quite easy to treat.
At the heart of social phobia is the fear that we will not be accepted or perceived negatively. This fear is part of the biological need to please. Social phobia is a normal stage that young children go through when they become afraid of strangers. As we age, we still feel uncomfortable in new circumstances, and this is quite natural.
Pass the tests
- What are you afraid of in communication?
This becomes a problem if fears begin to interfere with our lives. In psychology, there is a group of anxiety disorders, which includes social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder, panic syndrome, fear of open spaces, and the like. Social phobia is the most common form of anxiety disorders. 13% of people at different stages of life show signs of social phobia. This mental disorder causes a lot of stress and/or has a big impact on a person’s life.
At the same time, there are people who seem to have learned how to get around these problems. They live alone, don’t get married… Either they have very few friends or they never go to parties. Thanks to self-isolation, they do not experience stress, but at the same time they want to communicate. By nature, they are not alone, but simply cannot be among people. Some of them are treated with alcohol. From time to time, they have panic attacks or anxiety attacks, because of which, for example, they cannot even speak. Then they try to avoid situations that cause stress and refuse to go to interviews or meet friends.
Read more:
- Altruism helps overcome social phobia
As a result, such people miss a lot of opportunities in life. They may not marry, not only because they are afraid to meet someone, but also because they are afraid of a bunch of guests at their own wedding. And it’s not just shyness anymore. Social phobia really interferes with life.
What does a person experience when he needs to go, for example, to a big New Year’s corporate party? At first he was just scared and anxious. He expects the worst. I am sure that any unsuccessful manifestation will have catastrophic, long-term, irreversible consequences. He does not control his body, his reaction to anxiety, and others see this anxiety. And most likely they will flee.
To overcome anxiety and fear, sociopaths use different strategies, such as holding a glass tightly when talking to someone so that others do not notice how their hands are shaking. They may look at the floor, avoid eye contact.
After the event, they immerse themselves in the analysis of their behavior. Even ambiguous situations that are objectively not so bad, they interpret negatively, noting the weakness they have shown. As a result, a vicious circle is formed, and next time they expect even more negative developments.
Read more:
- Go on a diet and … get rid of social phobia
How to deal with the disease?
One of the ways of treatment is cognitive-behavioral therapy: the psychotherapist tries to understand what thoughts the patient has in difficult situations when the mechanism of social phobia is triggered.
He then questions these thought patterns step by step and asks the patient to spend a long time specifically in those circumstances that cause fear and panic, in order to finally fully realize: “nothing bad is happening, even if I do terrible stupid things.”
Therapy begins with speaking in front of a group. In the seventh or eighth session, they move on to more individualized methods, such as an exercise that can be called “social failure.” The patient must play out his worst-case scenario. For example, if a person does not go on dates because he is afraid that he will be rejected, he is offered to go to a restaurant and ask each visitor for her phone number. Naturally, in most cases it will be rejected, but this is the goal.
Read more:
- I’m only good when I’m alone
The instructions are very clear. You walk into a restaurant and say the following: “I like your face. Do you want to date me? Give me your phone?” You can most likely expect the answer: “No, get out, idiot.” And it’s perfect.
You can put patients in other awkward situations. For example, go to a coffee shop, pour your coffee and say: “Please give me another cup.” Or go to a bookstore and ask for a book about the joys of sex. That is, you need to do what no one likes, and what will make you reconsider your behavior, which prevents you from adapting to society.
See more at editions of The Atlantic.