What determines our sexuality? Scientists offer to look at it from a new angle, explaining the ability to behave freely and liberated in bed from the point of view of “sexual intelligence”.
Intelligence. A strange word in a conversation about sexuality? However, even in this area, excellent students and lagging behind are found: those who are in harmony with desires, and others – clamped, shackled. But there is good news. Sex, like everything else, can be learned. Whether we acquire “sexual intelligence” is entirely up to us, say University of Massachusetts professors Sheri Conrad and Michael Milburn.
They write: “Sexual intelligence relies on self-knowledge. And this means the opportunity to see what is hidden behind the cultural myths that distort sexuality, to uncover true sexual desires and develop the emotional and social abilities that will allow you to share your true individuality with a partner. The authors suggest three directions for action.
Get rid of the myths
We are faced with the task of getting rid of the stereotypes about love and sex that clutter the imagination and are reproduced in novels and movies. Such, for example, is the idea that sex is easy, magical, and fast. The authors call it the “myth of sex at first sight”: two eyes meet in a crowd, a couple of passionate kisses, an orgasm in an elevator, and love forever…
The key to happy sexuality is not what we do in bed, but what goes on in our head when we are in bed.
“Until you identify these myths, you will not get rid of them,” psychologists say. – Everyone can achieve a rich and fulfilling sex life if they make an effort to acquire the necessary knowledge and sound judgment about sex. Sexual intelligence is not a matter of chance, beauty or sex appeal. It depends on those abilities and skills that a person can acquire, develop, master.
Recognize your sexual self
Having eliminated cultural cliches, we should get rid of individual biases related to how our parents talked to us about sex, in what environment we had our “first time”, with the weight of our own taboos …
“A sexually intelligent person knows that sexual drives are based on a complex web of associations created by our life experiences,” write Sheri Conrad and Michael Milburn. “He knows how to determine if his sexual desires are becoming substitutes for emotional needs for recognition, security, power, and whether they are caused by the fear of loneliness.”
The key to happy sexuality is not what we do in bed, but what goes on in our head when we are in bed. It is only by observing desires realized and suppressed, by what attracts us and what causes problems – by observing but not judging – that we gain the freedom to choose how to behave.
Feel free to talk about sex
Happy, revealed sexuality is not experienced alone. A sexually intelligent person knows how to listen and listen. He talks to his partner about his sexuality and is able to understand the individuality of the other.
“The idea that sexual problems cannot be expressed is one of those myths that prevent us from being aware of feelings and talking about them. Once the vow of silence is broken, the conversation can better get to know the true sexual feelings and establish a rapport with the other. Being sexually smart means being honest with yourself and with your partner.”
According to Sheri Conrad and Michael Milburn, “sexual intelligence, the ability to know one’s sexuality, gives a person tremendous power to transform life. This reliable knowledge is the true source of passion; it allows you to make the right choice in matters of sex and feel good in your place.
ვფიქრობ სექსი ადამიანის სიჯამრთელის ერთერთი მნიშვნელოვან როლს თამაშობს მაგრამ ადამიანების აზრთა განსხვავებლებს სწორედ არ აღიქვამენ იმას რომ მათი სირცხვილის რიდმა დაზიანოს მათი სხეულების ჰრმონები და მაშინაც კი იკავბენ თავს ასეთ ადამიანებს ქვია გონებით ავტყფი მსაც კი ვერ ვხტება რომ მოშივდება კვებაა საჭირო .