What is self love?

Self-love is natural and joyful care for yourself: your body, mind, soul and spirit.

Self love is not selfishness. Self-love may or may not be selfish. Love is a reflection of our personality, and if a person is selfish, then his love for himself will be selfish. Strictly speaking, here it is more correct to speak not about self-love, but about self-love. Fascination with oneself, preoccupation with oneself, exaggeration of one’s own merits — these are signs of falling in love with oneself, and such falling in love is really quite selfish.

If a person thinks about others and takes care of them, then his love for himself is in no way connected with egoism, it is easy and natural for him to love both himself and those around him. There is enough power for this. He who loves himself for a long time and naturally does not devote too much time to this, just like a good gardener, a well-groomed garden does not require too much trouble. Taking care of yourself as a healthy and vigorous person is not difficult.

Did you wake up? She raised herself dear with pleasure, washed herself beautiful, rejoiced at herself vigorously — and there is no great need to do something else for herself. Everything is already great, I already want to do something or someone else: cook a delicious breakfast for myself and my family, kiss everyone and help get ready.

The reality, however, is that those who are preoccupied with self-love, at least at first, become more selfish — simply because the focus in this case begins to be paid to themselves. Beloved yourself. Supplementing self-love with attention and care for others may not be difficult, but it is a completely separate line of work. Love for others in itself does not follow from love for oneself and does not follow.

What is it, self love? Self love is self care. But true love is not just care, but joyful care, when you want to take care, when there is joy in the soul from the very process of caring. If this is not there, there is self-care, but there is no self-love, there is just self-service. So, some people seem to take care of themselves: they wash themselves, develop themselves, feed themselves, treat themselves — they seem to take care of themselves. But look at this: no, he does not look like a loving person! Someone smart and healthy seems to do everything for himself, but he will not be called loving. What does he lack? Light and joy in the soul. He takes care of himself — without joy, and when there is no joy, there is no love.

One of the secrets of self-love is in this inner joy and in its simple formula, namely: warmth, light and energy. When there is warmth in your soul, when there is light and sun in your soul, when you have energy in your soul and body, you feel love in your soul, you live with love. It’s fine! But sometimes it is cold in the soul, and when you feel cold in the soul, you have no love. Sometimes it is dark in the inner world, and when the inner light goes out, love goes out. And if you run out of strength to live, the energy is gone — along with this, love also leaves. If a person describes the picture of his inner world as — gray, well, some kind of winter, some evening, maybe the lights went out, and there is neither joy nor energy in his voice — such a person lives without love.

And how to give birth and maintain light and warmth in your soul? What needs to be done for this?

It is often thought that self-love consists in satisfying your simplest needs with pleasure, forgetting about duties and other people.

Allow yourself to do what you want, allow yourself to shop, surround yourself with romance and give yourself gifts — an exciting program for a human child who does not want to grow up. Can you call it love? It is possible, but the level of this love is the same as the love of a mother whose child feeds mainly on lollipops and Coca-Cola, spending time mainly playing computer games and other entertainment. Does the mother love her child?

Strictly speaking, it is even difficult to call it needs. These are the desires and whims that spoiled children insist on. And the most important thing is that they do not give joy for a long time, only while it is new and while others envy it. After a while, everything gets boring, the joy goes away. Sometimes a girl seems to have given herself everything: slept, fed and drunk herself, arranged shopping for herself — but inside everything is bad. It’s dreary. The world is gray, and the girl is still biting herself for something. Does she love herself? No. It happens that a woman is fond of shopping just because she feels bad about herself. And if a woman is somehow offended by life, she can arrange shopping for herself, and then she looks at these things, but there is no joy. In itself, the satisfaction of needs is not self-love, and far from always it ends with inner joy, light and warmth. You can’t seriously fill yourself with any purchases, this is just some snag. As a temporary measure, as a substitute for self-love — this is possible, but you should not believe the TV, the joy of life is not in this and self-love is not in this. This is a low-quality life, this life is not serious, and a smart man with such a woman will not talk about something good, good, real for a long time.

Satisfying your needs is not self-love. Someone after that begins to love himself, but someone does not. Satisfying one’s needs is sometimes only a substitute for self-love, when a person seems to pay off with gifts from the fact that he does not love himself. Of course, the need for the need is different. If you have a need to move forward, develop, a need to take care of other people, a need to be needed, or a need to master any business with dignity, quality, then by satisfying such needs, you will have more reason to love yourself. You will have something to be proud of. If all needs are reduced to eat and entertain yourself with shopping or TV, then such self-love is unlikely to last, and the one who turns into a pig ceases to be a person.

Often, the following recipes are recommended as help and tips on “How to love yourself”: “Accept yourself”, “Don’t bite yourself”, “Forgive yourself and others”, “Do not envy”, “Be here and now”. These are good recommendations, they just do not relate directly to the topic of self-love. They are not about how to love yourself, but about how not to beat and torture yourself. If your boss stopped swearing at you, does it mean that he loves you now? If you have forgiven someone, this does not mean that this person has even become your friend. If you have risen from minus to zero in relation to yourself, you have not yet risen to plus. This is a normal psychotherapy, but it has nothing to do with the state of love, just as a traumatologist has nothing to do with the work of a cosmetologist. A traumatologist treats an injury, a beautician brings beauty to a healthy body. If a person comes with a sick soul, he needs to make repairs to the soul, but a soul without pain is not the same as a soul with love. These recommendations are not about love, but about repair.

On the other hand, if the soul hurts, then you really need to heal it first. If it is completely dark in the soul, if there is a problematic swamp in the soul, then you cannot build a palace on such a swamp. Yes, you need to remove the position of the Victim, deal with the internal saboteur, remove limiting beliefs and bodily negativity, give up sweet idealizations, wean yourself from bad habits — there is a lot of work. Someone here will be shown treatment and psychotherapy, someone — the path of study, characteristic of the synthon approach. It is important to understand that when you have done all this difficult, but paramount work, you will not automatically have self-love. The house is just renovated — it is not yet a holiday space, the holiday needs to be arranged separately. The repaired soul simply works flawlessly, and filling it with love is another, separate job.

Is it a difficult job? The most amazing, most amazing answer is that it is simple. It’s just not for everyone, but only for mentally healthy people, but for a mentally healthy person, there really is nothing complicated here. How long does it take to love yourself? And how long does it take to turn on the light in the apartment? A good host has one second to simply flip the switch.

Suppose you come to visit friends, or want to congratulate a bright person on his birthday … Remember what happens to you: immediately, at the same second as you saw the birthday boy, you charge yourself with joy, you charge yourself with light and warmth, and tell this good man everything you want to tell him. Or, if your baby woke up at night and cried: you need to get up, and also rock him, and even with love, because otherwise he will not fall asleep. What are you doing? You jump up at that very moment and turn to him with love, because it is necessary. Where do you get this love? Out of thin air, nowhere. This is just the ability to love, an ordinary skill, and those who know how to turn on light and joy in their souls do it easily. It’s no more difficult than feeding yourself and your kids three delicious (and healthy) meals a day. If you’re good at cooking breakfast, you can handle this as well. Start loving yourself, you will love it, and after that you will do it for the rest of your life. Yes? Don’t believe the books that tell you how hard it is to love yourself, that it takes years of psychotherapy. It is not true that healthy people do not need psychotherapy, mentally healthy people, like just normal healthy children, know how to rejoice and know how to love themselves. Just do it!

However, not everything that is easy for us, we will always do, even if it is in our interests. The fact is that we have many different interests, and the game of melancholy and boredom also has its own internal benefits. Lovely beautiful girls know how to flare up with joy at once, but just like that, once again they will not do it. They do not want to warm themselves with light and warmth, they do not want to turn on the energy until they pamper themselves in meeting their needs. The consumer society and all those who are accustomed to making money on women inspire women that a woman who loves herself is sure to please herself with purchases. They suggest that shopping is an integral part of women’s self-love. Studies have already been conducted that have shown that for modern women, shopping is a more psychotherapeutic procedure than visiting a psychologist.

This has its own truth: in modern Atriums of Sales it is light, warm, colorful, people with lively eyes walk there, good music sometimes sounds there, and a woman, plunging into this world of light and colors, more easily includes a state of joy. Joy includes the woman herself, but at the same time she learns the formula that shopping, doping, spa and sleep is the formula of women’s self-love. But it’s not, it’s not true.

Joy in the soul is turned on not by shopping, but by the woman herself. When a woman has satisfied her needs, she, as it were, includes warmth, light and other joys for this. So the child cries to himself until he gets a toy, and stops crying when he has achieved his goal. Did the toy calm him down or did he do it himself?

Women know how useful massage is for health, how massage is a source of joy. In all magazines, women write that massage is an absolutely miraculous procedure, and that only these secret oriental techniques will return you to all your health. It’s true, massage is really helpful. What women don’t know at the same time is that the masseur is here and close to nothing, that the woman herself makes joy and health. The masseur only needs to participate in the holiday that you create for yourself, only stroke you in all the places that you like , you will do the rest yourself. For three hours he did you well, and for three hours you regained your health. Massage for health is useful, but the beauty of it is that when a woman is pleased, she herself makes herself joyful and turns on her health.

In total, be careful: self-love begins not when you satisfy your needs, but after that, when you like yourself and you decide to love yourself, that is, you turn on the light, warmth and living energy inside yourself. Accordingly, you can begin to love yourself right away, without waiting for anything from yourself.

Started? Yes, only then should you pay attention to the quality of your self-love. The fact is that self-love can be both right and wrong. Crooked self-love is short-sighted, love in which concern for today’s desires overshadows tomorrow’s needs. The girl decided to love herself more and began to eat delicious cakes without restrictions. Having ruined her figure, now she is forced to seize her loneliness with cakes. Mistake, right?

Love is a reflection of our personality. What a personality — such a love. Self-love can be narrow-minded, sometimes selfish, sometimes dangerous. And if we are not wise, then our love is not wise, and if you love yourself not wisely, your joy and self-satisfaction will not be very long. The one who loves himself is satisfied with himself, lives with himself in joy and harmony, but only the one who loves himself wisely will please himself for a long time. Joy accompanies all life only those who love themselves wisely, who are demanding and critical of themselves.

Speaking of love, you need to take into account the peculiarity of the male and female language. Men and women are different. For women, self-love is usually natural, coming from the heart, joyful care for yourself, for your body. When a woman takes care of everything that she has, feels and appreciates the best that is in her, takes care of herself with joy, and lives with inner light, then we can say about such a woman that she loves herself. Love for a woman is a feeling, her love is a warm attitude, and at the center of her love is joy and a sense of comfort.

So, for men, the understanding of self-love is different, and I understand this, too, is worth listening to. Men talk about love less often, but if you can once say that this man loves himself, then responsible actions, his actions will always stand behind this in a man’s life. He will wash himself, educate, play sports, work with his character, that is, for a man, self-love is action. What to do with yourself to be cheerful, smart and healthy all your life. Love for a man is action, his love is demanding, and the focus of his attention is his strength and capabilities.

If we take from men the tendency to clearly define everything, then the essence of self-love can be formulated as follows. There are four important areas in self-love: inner well-being (inner light, warmth and energy), taking care of your health (healthy lifestyle and sports), developing your culture (education and good manners) and taking care of your appearance, which should please you too and those who are dear to you.

And all this must be done. Indeed, to love is a verb, and to love yourself is to do something for yourself. What?

If you love yourself, you will give yourself the power and the right to control your life, you will choose to become the Author of your life. Start by never complaining. Asking for help is okay, but complaining is not. To complain is to experience your helplessness, which you have created for yourself. It’s empty. If you love yourself, you will give up resentment: being offended is just a childish habit. We ourselves immerse ourselves in resentment, we make ourselves bad, so that they pay attention to us and give us what we want. And when they don’t give us, we are offended again, but it doesn’t work anymore, because it worked in childhood, and in the adult world you make yourself feel bad for nothing. The one who loves himself is not offended.

The one who loves himself knows well and remembers his strengths, his virtues. Many need to learn this too, and sometimes it’s easier to start by noticing the virtues in the people around you. Take it to work to write every day ten new virtues of your own and ten virtues of one of your relatives, acquaintances or work colleagues. When you know at any moment that you are a worthy person living among worthy people, it becomes easier to love yourself.

If you love yourself, you will make your inner world bright, and then the outer world, sanctified by the light of your soul, will become beautiful for you. If you love yourself very much, you will turn on the warmth in your soul, and you will feel comfortable … How to do this? Make a list of what makes you happy, and cross out everything that is harmful. On Psychologos, find huge lists of things that make people happy, which causes surprisingly bright feelings in the soul. Choose the best for yourself and after that just do not be lazy to please yourself! As a background of life, master the exercise “It’s good, and you will feel good, and then you will consolidate your success with the exercise“ Sunshine ”. The sun is an expression of the inner Good outside, to people. The sun is a must, the morning starts with a smile. Dear women, when you go out to people, after all, you will do your make-up and arrange your hair beautifully, but where is the luminous face, why do we go gloomy? If you live with a smile, you like yourself and other people more. You go to people — shine, it will be better for you!

To have enough strength for this, start going to bed on time, that is, today, always only until 12 o’clock at night. During the day, watch your rest, do not work drearily and to the point of exhaustion: either give yourself a rest, or work cheerfully. That’s what everyone who loves himself does.

If you love yourself, you will start to live in an organized way, start writing your tasks for the day and plan for the week, later — and goals for the year. The one who loves himself makes sure that his life does not go stupidly, not by accident, but in the direction that beckons you, in the direction where you see prospects.

If you love yourself, you will believe in yourself and set big goals for yourself. The one who loves himself short-sightedly sets small goals for himself so as not to strain now — and is forced to strain later, when he is no longer satisfied with what he has. Postponing going to the doctor, you only accumulate problems, and if you love yourself, you will pack up and go to the doctor, even if it is now troublesome and uncomfortable. The one who loves himself is not the one who sits in a comfortable chair and feels how he loves himself, but the one who lifts himself out of the chair, teaches himself, makes himself a man. If you love yourself, you will always learn. Imagine — you believe in yourself, believe in your future, you believe that this is the best you can pass on to your children. You have enough mind, culture, soul, light, love, sunshine, joy, good breeding. It is the result of you always learning. You will have a Maximum Life and a plan for its implementation, and you will be proud of yourself, knowing that you deserve it! Then you have something to pass on to your children, there is something to give to men. And the man who will live with you, he will definitely be happy. And if you don’t know how, you will learn.

There are four important areas in self-love: inner well-being (inner light, warmth and energy), taking care of your health (healthy lifestyle and sports), developing your culture (education and good manners) and taking care of your appearance, which should please you too , and your loved one.

Joy to us, energy, and quickly! And to make it all faster and more organized, get on the Distance: this is a system that will definitely help you along the way. Calmly, clearly, step by step — you will do everything, cope with everything, and you will live with love. With love for yourself and for other people who will definitely reciprocate you.