What is love worth?

«I love you!» What are these words worth?

“I love you, dear, but today is football, and football is dearer to me than you!”

“I love you, honey, but my child does not want us to meet, and I am writing you this farewell letter …”

The value of the beloved and beloved has always been influenced by local culture and accepted patterns. So, in medieval culture, the Lady of the Heart always stood above the wife. A real knight was happy to die so that the Lady of his heart would wave a handkerchief to him, while loving his wife was not at all necessary. In the 70s in Slavic culture, the most common type of family was child-centric, and a child for both parents was one of the highest values. Then, for many mothers, the child was more important than his father: «My child, my dear, but you can do without a man.» In Arab culture, no loved one can be higher than a mother: “There is only one mother in a person’s life, but there can be many loved ones.”

But no matter what culture surrounds us, each of us has our own hierarchy of life values, and each love takes its place in this hierarchy. Any girl is interested in what place she occupies in the heart of a young man: if she is higher than beer, but lower than her mother, it’s a shame. If you are taller than all other women, but after business, it’s normal …

A survey was conducted on Ekho Moskvy radio: how to choose between a person (husband, possible husband or loved one) and a pet, beloved cat or beloved dog. According to the results of the voting, if it is necessary to choose, only 23% will prefer a person, and 77% will choose an animal, their pet…

Asking questions about it is fine. First of all, it is important to ask yourself these questions: how dear is this person to me, how dear in the literal sense of the word? How much am I ready (ready) to pay for the opportunity to be with him, for the right to be his favorite (beloved), for him to be happy?

How this question is raised in life, M.M. Zhvanetsky: “I took a ride in a taxi — this is love. And we went by tram — no, this is not love, this is a hobby.

But talking about value, about willingness to pay, is not about money, it’s about your hierarchy of values. To make this conversation more specific, draw a vertical scale where you place the following life values: ideas and principles, your life’s work, your favorite job, country, home, relatives and friends, children, then write separately the three most expensive things from your property and the amount of your capital. After that, answer where the place of the beloved among these values, above which and below which he is located.

First, answer simpler questions: are you ready to lose any of the things that are dear to you so that your loved one is with you? Are you ready to pay all these things for the opportunity to live with your loved one?

These are not theoretical, but very practical questions: when and if a loved one breaks your favorite vase or car, remember your decision today. Your broken Mercedes is a natural contribution for your right to kiss the woman you love.

Now for the money: imagine you liked a girl, you began to look after her, but suddenly it turns out that not only you like her, and you are offered not to meet with this girl anymore. You are not threatened, you are offered a sum. One hundred thousand dollars — you are an interesting young man, you will definitely meet another girl, it will not be worse. Do you need money to grow your business? Not? And if a million dollars — have there been such real cases? Think about it?

It is very useful to designate such an amount for yourself: divide it by 10, name it “annual fee” and remember. If later you start a family with this girl, then as long as her expenses (or your expenses for her) fit into the annual fee, rejoice and enjoy. And after ten years of happiness, you will simply learn to live together and all unnecessary questions will disappear.

Are you ready to quit your job for the sake of your beloved, leave your city for nowhere, be left without your usual friends or leave your parents?

Probably, for the sake of a random person, you will not do this. And it is right.

Is it possible to put a loved one above your ideals and principles? If you don’t have ideals and principles, then you can do it. If you have chosen a person who looks at life the same way as you, then this question simply will not arise before you.

It is important to know that we can create our own values. In good families, it is customary to discuss and clarify common family values ​​so that both parents and children have them in common. Similarly, it is useful for spouses to discuss and form common family values ​​among themselves: when certainty arises in this matter, many specific issues are resolved much easier.

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.