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Infantiles, scammers, “big children” – what is it like for them to live in the adult world, and is it true that the current generation is more infantile than the previous ones – we figure it out together with psychologists
What is infantilism
Infantilism, infantilism – the preservation in the psyche and behavior of an adult of the characteristics inherent in childhood. It is often said about infantile people that they “behave like children”: they avoid responsibility, act impulsively, in case of failure they blame others. Such immature behavior often prevents a person from building relationships, being in society and moving up the career ladder.
In science, it is customary to distinguish between mental and psychological infantilism. “Psychic infantilism” is a pathological disorder of the human psyche and is studied in psychiatry. Psychological infantilism refers rather to personality traits and is a combination of traits inherent in an earlier age group. A person with manifestations of psychological infantilism can change his behavior, but often does not have the desire or does not know how. Sometimes social infantilism is singled out as a separate group – it is close to psychological, but is considered exclusively in the context of society, the norms of which form the criteria of “social maturity”. Thus, social infantilism manifests itself in the gap between the biological and socio-cultural maturation of a person.
The concept of infantility is sometimes mistakenly confused with the idea of the “inner child”. In fact, these phenomena are far from each other. The inner child is a concept from transactional analysis (a psychological method described in the 1960s by Eric Berne), according to which there are three ego states in each of us: Child, Adult and Parent. The inner child is responsible for sensuality, emotionality, impulsiveness and curiosity. The parent brings in the requirements of the elders, which we learned in childhood. And the Adult manifests itself when we are guided by the principles of reality, rely on facts and act on their basis. Psycho-emotional maturity is the ability to find a balance between your inner Child, Parent and Adult, allowing them to live in peace and harmony. In an infantile person, on the contrary, the Child is always “at the helm”: he strives for entertainment and quick pleasures, everything “adult” is boring and difficult for him, and he tries to shift his obligations to others.
Now more and more often they talk about the infantilism of a whole generation – modern 30-year-olds, “millennials”. They don’t want to meet the criteria of “social maturity” that was the norm for previous generations: start a family, have a stable job, and have children by a certain age. This is often taken as a sign of the “infantilization of society.” But this phenomenon can also be viewed from another point of view. Indeed, thanks to the improving standard of living, scientific, technological and medical progress, a modern person does not need to take on a large number of obligations at an early age. Psychologist, host of the podcast “Near Ficus” and the telegram channel “Noet Ark” Dinara Fakhretdinova believes that it is useful for a person “to stay longer in a research-idle state.”
Signs of infantilism
Infantil differs from a mature person in a childish perception of the world. Fakhretdinova notes that an infantile person is characterized by egocentrism: “For any child, he is the central cause of all events. And that’s okay. However, continuing to think that the world revolves around you by the age of 30 is a less healthy attitude. More often than not, reality will brutally refute it.” Thus, the signs of infantility can be combined into the following list:
Psychological causes of infantilism
The formation of infantilism is primarily influenced by the environment in which the child grows up. The situation when parents seek to protect their children and “shield” them from the difficulties necessary for growing up is called overprotection. It is she who often provokes infantilism. Psychologist, emotional intelligence trainer, author of the podcast and portal for finding psychologists “You are important” Elena Mitskevich compares the process of growing up with the formation of physical immunity in a child: “It is very dangerous for a child’s physical immunity to keep him in sterile conditions, and from the point of view of psychological processes, it is important to let the child come into contact with the outside world, serving as a support for him, but at the same time not depriving him of moments of growing up. Thus, it is very important to give the child the opportunity to take the initiative and take responsibility for their actions. Infantilism can also develop from the opposite: a disproportionate responsibility is imposed on an immature person. “Guardianship of other family members or super-tasks can cause an allergic reaction to any responsibility, since responsibility will be associated with a huge number of duties, rights to which are not attached,” says Dinara Fakhretdinova. Some researchers suggest considering infantility as one of the manifestations of uneven personal development . American psychologist Nancy McWilliams believes that social and emotional development never follows a strictly straight path: in the process of personality growth, fluctuations are observed that become weaker with age, but do not disappear completely. As a person grows older, he constantly faces new challenges that can cause stress. Regression comes to the defense of the psyche – a mechanism of subconscious return to earlier forms of behavior. Regressions are absolutely normal, but regular hitting them will be regarded as infantilism.
Infantilism in everyday life and relationships between people
To describe an infantile in a relationship, a comparison with the fairy-tale character Peter Pan is often used. His name is given to a syndrome that characterizes people who do not want to grow up and take on new social roles that involve responsibility.
The partner of an infantile person will have to take on the role of an adult and not expect him to fulfill his duties. This situation may suit both partners, but a mature person has to face the difficulties of adult life on a daily basis: pay bills, buy groceries, go to the doctor, make repairs and earn a living. To an infantile person, such obligations often seem burdensome and boring, so he will avoid them. Such behavior can bring discomfort to his loved ones, who want to share the daily hardships, and not “carry everything on themselves.”
When dealing with an infantile person, it is important to give the person responsibility and maintain healthy boundaries, Elena Mitskevich notes: “People after 18 years old are adults. They may or may not agree with this. But it is very important not to “do good”, but to remain firm and give responsibility. Only by touching frustration can people grow up.”
Infantilization of society
Many studies show that changes in the cultural and historical environment and scientific and technological progress do change the social values of society. Young people tend to have children later, preferring to focus on other values: career, self-development, travel. The modern economic system also plays an important role in the transformation of values: infantile people good category of consumers, as they are more prone to impulsive purchases and are determined to satisfy their needs.
Psychologist Anna Kartashova calls magical thinking one of the manifestations of society’s infantilism – the belief that thoughts and symbolic actions can change reality and influence certain events. It is the ability to competently manipulate an infantile consumer that can explain the popularity of “info products”: personal growth trainings, marathons and courses.
The development of the Internet has become an important factor that also influences the change in social values. People communicate more often on the Internet, where there are no habitual patterns of behavior and the need to fulfill a certain role in society. In personal communication, we receive a large number of verbal and non-verbal reactions from interlocutors, with which we then interact. Mediated communication on the Internet does not allow such interaction and hinders the development of emotional intelligence, which is important for a mature person. However, not everyone agrees with the idea that modern society is more infantile. Elena Mitskevich believes that today’s youth is more conscious than older generations, since the very great responsibility that people had to face in the past is not a guarantee of adequate personality maturation.
Is it necessary to fight infantilism and how to do it?
By itself, infantilism is not a disease, therefore, it does not require treatment. Anna Kartashova believes that infantile manifestations can simply be a way of self-development: “If you do not interfere with yourself and do not interfere with others, then you have the right to everything.” But, she adds, a person has a need for development, the logical step of which is growing up. Elena Mitskevich believes that the refusal to grow up makes it difficult to feel the fullness of life: “If we want to develop, reveal the scale of our personality, then it would be good to grow up, get acquainted with who we are, with what is important to us, with what values we want to realize. It’s important not to steal your life.”
The path to maturity is through acceptance of yourself and your characteristics. It is important to formulate which areas of life immaturity affects, where it interferes and vice versa. “In adult life, there is a huge amount of pleasure and fulfillment when you go from yourself,” the psychologist sums up.