PSYchology

For those who have never sought psychological help, the work of psychologists and psychotherapists can seem mysterious and intimidating. Three specialists decided to refute some of the most persistent and widespread myths.

Stephanie Smith, a clinical psychologist in Colorado, Ryan Howes, a clinical psychologist at the Fuller School of Psychology, and Lynne Bafka, associate executive director of research at the American Psychological Association, share what we should know about psychotherapy.

1. A therapist is not someone who gives advice.

Do not expect to hear from him that you need a divorce or quit your job, and the like recommendations. “In fact, our job is to help a person get to know himself better and begin to think differently, behave differently, look at the world differently,” says Stephanie Smith. “It’s not about giving advice.”

Of course, a psychotherapist can tell you about strategies for dealing with problems such as depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. But when it comes to the decisions that determine your life, he acts more like an assistant. “Are you really going to a psychotherapist in order to give him power over yourself? Or do you still want to manage your life? Ryan Howes asks.

2. They visit psychotherapists themselves.

“I would never trust a therapist who hasn’t been in therapy,” Howes says. Most psychotherapists undergo their psychotherapy, maybe not constantly, but from time to time, at some stage in their career.

3. Psychotherapists work not only with mental disorders

“It’s one of the most common misconceptions that psychotherapists’ clients are only people with mental disorders,” explains Howes. “Clients come to us with a variety of problems that are by no means related to any diagnosis. However, if the disorder is still diagnosed, you have nothing to be ashamed of, just like you are not embarrassed to tell the doctor about any other health problems.

When a person is experiencing an internal struggle, but not yet exhausted by it, he usually does not see the point in turning to a psychotherapist. “In fact, if you feel that you are bogged down in problems and cannot cope with them, if you are depressed, it is better to consult a specialist,” Lynn Bafka is sure.

4. The therapist will not tell your secrets to third parties.

“Privacy is rule number one,” says Ryan Howes. “I will quickly lose my license if I start discussing my clients with friends or family.” However, psychotherapists may discuss some cases in a narrow circle of trusted colleagues.

“We have these meetings regularly, some once a week, some once a month,” says Smith. — We talk about difficult cases, listen to the opinion of colleagues. But we do not provide any information that allows us to identify the client.”

5. Therapists do not search the Web for information about you.

“That would be a violation of boundaries and privacy,” explains Smith. They work with the information that you present to them, and will not ask how you explain “that picture” on the social network that you posted the other day.

“I will never google for information about a client, my principle is that the therapy process is limited to the space of my office,” Howes confirms.

6. When you meet, the therapist will not “recognize” you unless you greet him first.

You have a date at a restaurant, and suddenly your therapist is at the next table. You can not be afraid that he will come up and say: “Good evening! Glad to see you’re okay!» “The therapist does not have to show that he knows you, if you yourself do not take the first step. But even in this case, he will not reveal to others that you go to him for therapy, unless you yourself tell about it, ”explains Lynn Bafka.

7. The main thing for the success of therapy is to find «your» psychotherapist.

“The most famous, most respected psychotherapist in the world will not help you or will not help you much if you do not match with him,” says Smith. — Compatibility is one of the main success factors. Studies show that it is even more important than the method of therapy, the qualifications of the therapist, the duration of therapy, and so on.

How do you know you’ve found «your» therapist? “In this case, you will feel that you are heard, understood, respected, accepted and you are safe. Although the process of psychotherapy itself can be difficult,” explains Lynn Bafka.

Often people believe that psychotherapists have the ability to read the client’s soul. But it’s not like that

8. The mere presence of the client is not enough — he needs to actively participate in the therapy process.

Sometimes, going to a psychotherapist, clients think that all that is required of them is to attend sessions. Something like how they come to the doctor with complaints of a bad cold and leave with a prescription for an antibiotic.

“If a person comes to us with a ‘solve my problems’ mindset, they will be very disappointed,” says Howes. Psychotherapy is impossible without the cooperation of the client and the therapist; passive expectation of the result will not give anything.

9. They are not omniscient

“People often assume that psychotherapists have the ability to read the soul of a client. But it’s not like that,” warns Lynn Bafka. — We received a special education, we have a certain understanding of human nature, behavior, emotions, and with the help of this knowledge we can analyze the situation in which our client finds himself. We can’t magically look into his soul, understanding is a process.»

10. It’s hard work

Seeing several clients a day, helping them cope with difficult experiences and traumas — all this requires a lot of mental effort. “Yes, when you delve into human dramas hour after hour, day after day, then sometimes you don’t have enough strength for your own family,” says Stephanie Smith. “But you can learn to deal with it.”

“We are professional secret keepers,” says Howes. — Over time, this load begins to press more and more. Therefore, we also need our own confidants with whom we can speak frankly.”

And yet they feel great satisfaction from their work. “I see that psychotherapy works. Clients gain a new way of looking at things, new ways to act. They start to get on better with life, whether it be relationships or work,” Bafka says. “I just love people,” admits Stephanie Smith. “I like to understand them deeper, that’s my whole secret. For me, they are endlessly interesting. “I admire the inner growth of my clients,” Howes adds.

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