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Hello! What do you think human integrity is? It is the ability to accept yourself for who you are. Not ignoring any features, character traits, needs and desires. Are there really many such people? Unfortunately no. But those who managed to achieve it feel independent, harmonious and happy. And today I will share ways that will help you join the ranks of individuals who have been able to tame their «dragons» and live freely.
Manifestations of Integrity
A person who has accepted his identity:
- He builds relationships with other people, because he feels interest in them, tenderness, excitement, pleasure, and so on. And not because she is not able to satisfy some needs on her own. Why is she selective in choosing the people with whom she spends time. And if she stays next to the person who hurts her, it is only because she made a conscious choice, devoid of illusions and fantasies that he will change and appreciate her suffering.
- She is tolerant of the shortcomings of others, as she understands that everyone has a different life story, limitations and opportunities. Why not in the right someone to condemn, criticize.
- Knows how to appreciate and thank. Even the slightest display of care will not go unnoticed. She doesn’t devalue or expect anyone else to solve problems for her.
- It accepts not only positive, but also negative traits and properties of character. She appreciates and loves herself. It also allows you to express various feelings without hiding them deep inside, just because someone does not like it. She is not afraid to be uncomfortable, as she appreciates life, making a choice in the direction of quality.
- He knows what opportunities and resources he has. And not only knows, but also knows how to apply them. And also, what gaps and shortcomings should be worked on if he wants change.
You can get more detailed information about what other characteristics of a person who has inner freedom by clicking on this link.
The main reasons for not integrity
Each person is individual, there are no absolutely similar and identical. Therefore, the reasons for the emergence of unfreedom can be completely different. Now we will consider those that are most common, and prevent us from manifesting as we are.
childhood trauma
Criticism of adults, so close and loved, hurts quite strongly. There is a fear of losing their love, which is why the child sometimes chooses to hide his feelings and desires, trying to please them, to be obedient, comfortable, and the best.
The child does not have a clear opinion about what he is, he is only formed and gradually explores each of his parts. In the meantime, there is no own knowledge and experience, he relies on what others tell him. And he believes, especially those who are an example and authority for him. After all, every accidentally thrown word, especially in a fit of feelings, can affect his self-esteem.
By the way, here you can take a self-esteem test.
Depreciation
Even as adults, we tend to trust those we love. But not always as partners, friends choose people who are able to give recognition and, in general, build healthy relationships. Therefore, we get hurt by words, we are manipulated and we try to live up to their expectations. Just be «good».
Avoidance of injury
And sometimes the opposite happens, wanting to avoid pain, having received an unpleasant experience in the past, a person closes. That is, he ceases to trust the world, believing that in this way he maintains his integrity. But in fact, being so zealous about security, he loses a lot by being in a personally organized internal «prison».
following stereotypes
To avoid chaos, society comes up with various stereotypes of behavior. This makes it easier to manage. And then you have to go out of your way to match them. Ignoring true needs. That’s when people work at jobs that do not bring joy and satisfaction, build marriages because it is necessary, spend money to maintain the image of success. And they are also trying in every possible way to get rid of labels, such as «unworthy man», «bad mother» and so on.
Shifting responsibility
When a conflict arises, a rare person, first of all, tries to figure out what contribution he made so that a quarrel arose. It’s easier to blame someone else. So it is with disadvantages. Desperately, sometimes we don’t want to accept that we are not perfect, we make mistakes. This is especially difficult for individuals who have an «excellent student complex.»
Wednesday
It happens that people, very valuable and important, categorically do not want to accept our otherness. Some people can’t deal with anger for personal reasons. And then forbids her partner to test it. And in order to stay in a relationship with him, you have to adapt and learn to keep your anger. Over time, there is a loss of freedom of presentation. As if the right to feel what is felt disappears.
Exercises
Meditation for self awareness and acceptance
The first stage
Relaxation itself. Take care of the space so that no one can disturb you for 20 minutes. Sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes and try to relax. Watch your breathing, it should be even and deep. Mentally observe how you inhale and exhale.
When you’re ready, imagine the corridor you’re walking down. From different sides you see doors with inscriptions about each year of life. Open the one that interests you the most. Whether it be adolescence, or earlier childhood, it is important to follow your impulse and desire. When you enter, you will see yourself. Take a closer look at what is happening at this moment, what are you doing, what feelings are you experiencing? Take a look around.
Then come up to you and talk. Find out what you want in the past, what makes you happy, or vice versa, makes you sad. In general, ask the questions you see fit. Share something, experience, advice, support, or reassure. At the end, say goodbye and go out into the corridor to return to the present.
Do not open your eyes immediately, feel what has changed in your feelings, thoughts, body. In general, how did your body react to this adventure. And when you’re ready, slowly open your eyes, then stand up.
The second stage
Take a sheet and write down everything you saw and understood. If you can’t find words to describe your condition, don’t keep emotions inside, splash them out on paper using a drawing. It does not have to be beautiful and correct. Let your hand move freely, draw without analysis or reflection. And only when you’re done, try to understand what happened and what it all means to you. What resource they took out, what they acquired, or vice versa, they realized, but could not receive.
If you write out thoughts, let them flow, structure them later. Brainstorming is useful in that it allows you to get valuable information from the depths of the subconscious. Which is usually denied or did not want to notice.
Polarities
The point of this method is to show how multifaceted each of us is, and cannot be just bad or good. Even serial killers have principles or character traits that command respect. Even though I don’t really believe it. A person is like a battery, if there is a plus, then there will definitely be a minus, only then will he fully and efficiently function.
So let’s get started. Write down at least 10 qualities that you possess that are most characteristic of you. After that, in front of each item, try to write the opposite characteristic. For example, good-natured — cruel, direct — serious, etc. Reconsider what image was obtained from the polar traits of character. Now you have to get used to it, and at least half an hour to be in a new role.
This is not just a game, and honing acting skills. It’s something that you don’t allow yourself to manifest. For example, because if you show someone that you are cruel, you will be judged or out of love. And if you are always cheerful, then loneliness will bypass you. But in fact, it turns out that the unpleasant and unacceptable lurks deep inside, creating an internal conflict. How can a good-natured person dare to firmly defend his boundaries? No, he will silently endure, feeling dissatisfied. But it will remain nice to others. Let them be unhappy.
self-knowledge
To better know yourself, it is important to understand what exactly makes you feel. Each one that exists. You can use the table above. You just pick one emotion and make a list of the times it occurs to you.
It is recommended that there be no confusion, otherwise awareness or assimilation cannot be achieved, not grabbed at everything at once. Draw a line. For example, two emotions per day. Or better, if you choose one. When you decide, close your eyes and try to feel it. Then, on the sheet, release the entire stream of thoughts that arise. You should not condemn yourself for them, or try to hide something, quickly forget. This is you, just the real you, not the pretty package. And it is not necessary to show someone the result. You are doing this for yourself.
projections
Think of a person you admire or want to be like. Create a list of at least 5 qualities that attract you so much. And if you notice them in another, then you also possess them. Just accept it as a fact. Do the same, only with the person that causes hostility.
Now let’s go a little deeper. Try mentally, or maybe aloud, to say the phrase addressed to the person from the first part of the exercise: “I don’t like you …”, and vice versa, to someone who does not cause sympathy, we mentally talk about what we like about him.
Look for differences and similarities with each of them. In any case, they are. Overcome your resistance, this will help you look at the world from a slightly different angle, which will allow you to become more free and identical to yourself.
Conclusion
It is not always appropriate to present yourself as you are in order to prove your right to be yourself. It is important to take this into account. Just notice what happens to you at certain moments, and choose the most appropriate form to express yourself. For example, to declare anger to the leader, blaming or calling names, recognizing his rude part — it will not be entirely appropriate. But tracking anger and releasing it in a safe environment means taking care of yourself. Not feeling guilty about thoughts and emotions.
Take care of yourself, know, appreciate and love! And remember, you are special and unique! You just might not know yourself very well. So interesting to you knowledge of your own personality.
But you can get information about how free you are internally by taking an online test. You will find it here, along with recommendations corresponding to the results obtained.
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina