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Hello! Today we will try to figure out what harassment is, as well as why it occurs and how to deal with it.
What is harassment?
In simple terms, this term means completely different types of psychological pressure. They are expressed in offensive words, gestures, actions that humiliate the honor and dignity of the individual, violate its boundaries, and so on.
Sexual harassment has gained the widest popularity — that is, directly sexual harassment, harassment. It manifests itself in spanking and other touches that suggest a closer relationship than a business one. In allusions to intimacy, threats, blackmail and even jokes.
The victims are mostly women. For example, they are offered a vacant position in exchange for sex, good grades in the transcript, or even quality treatment. But anyone can become a victim, regardless of gender, age, and even professional activity.
Differences from rudeness
But it is important to understand the difference between harassment and ordinary rudeness, cheeky behavior. Because in the first case, these are always vertical relations, that is, they imply a hierarchy.
When one person is somehow dependent on another and finds himself in unfavorable conditions. He has to either endure the conflict, the “sanctions” that will definitely be applied to him, or agree to fulfill the demand, the request of the so-called aggressor.
So, if after a pretty girl there was a whistle and hooting — this is rudeness. If the same thing, but from, say, a leader, then harassment.
In addition, rudeness is not a violation of the law, vulgar jokes, greasy jokes, spanking or obsessive attention is not socially approved, nothing more. The behavior of such people offends, offends and causes a lot of aggression. And also characterizes them for the most part as asocial personalities, deviant, devoid of morality and morality.
Why does it occur
There is an idea that the main goal of a harasser is necessarily sexual intimacy or a romantic relationship. But it’s not. The goals are very different.
For example, it is important for someone to feel their power, that they control another person. This allows him to feel less anxiety about life. As a way to feel safe. And also increases self-esteem, amuses his ego. That is, he surpasses someone, respectively, the best, almost omnipotent arbiter of destinies.
And someone really uses their position to realize their needs.
What to do?
Mindfulness
Initially, trust your feelings that something is wrong that violates the boundaries.
Because many girls regard obsession as a manifestation of love. They believe that a man fell in love and lost his peace, which is why he doesn’t give a pass, he constantly makes compliments, seeks to touch, and so on. That is why they suffer for the most part.
And if he allows himself violent methods to get the desired woman, then another phenomenon may appear, which is called victimblaming. That is, when the responsibility for the committed crime falls on the shoulders of the victim.
She is blamed by others and herself. I would have dressed differently, nothing would have happened, I would not have been so nice in communication, I would have managed to avoid rape … The list of accusations could be continued indefinitely.
In general, be sensitive to yourself and your feelings. Do not brush off and try to justify the behavior that causes you unpleasant emotions.
Fixation
Record every conversation you have, and if possible make a video. Thanks to this, you will be able to stop harassment, or, if it has already occurred, present evidence to the police, seek help.
Unfortunately, the victims are not always believed, believing that they just want to get a benefit. Especially if the aggressor occupies a fairly high position in society and has a good condition.
Designation of personal space
It’s hard enough to tell the truth to the face of someone you’re even a little dependent on. This is a big risk. Which you always need to go to protect yourself, to define your own boundaries.
Because there are times when a person simply does not know what causes inconvenience. We are all very different from each other. And if it is important for one person to touch the interlocutor, then another may react extremely negatively simply to trying to get closer. It depends on the type of temperament, the traumas experienced, the perception of personal space …
It is very important to state what you like and what you don’t. It is not necessary to arrange a conflict, you can simply say about your feelings in response to certain actions, words.
Then there will be a chance to clarify the situation and understand what should be done next. After all, you can get scared, quit and lose a good job, position, without ever knowing that the manager simply had no idea about what emotions you are evoking with your behavior.
Recourse
If you have clarified the situation and realized that the person is really a harasser, do not be afraid or ashamed to seek help from those who have influence on him. For example, to a trade union, to an HR.
But it is important to be prepared for the fact that others can come to the defense of the so-called tyrant. Therefore, do not exclude the option of finding another job, university, hospital.
In Russia, there is the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation Article 133 «Coercion to actions of a sexual nature.» In relation to adults, it provides for punishment in the form of a fine, at the beginning of 2019 in the amount of up to 120 thousand rubles, or in the amount of salary, any other type of income for a period of 12 months. Also forced (up to one year), compulsory labor (up to 480 hours) or imprisonment for the same period.
If the actions were in the direction of minors — again, forced labor and deprivation of the right to hold certain positions. Only the terms are longer than in the first version.
What to do if you are asked for help?
For the victim, the most valuable thing is support, the opportunity to share with someone what worries and hurts her.
Therefore, if someone close to you trusted, believe me, it cost him a lot of effort, so do not criticize him, devalue him, or, even worse, do not believe.
Listen to him, offer your help. Considering the circumstances, it is also important to try to be gentle, that is, not to push, demanding to take urgent action and so on.
And remember, never hide moments of violence and pressure. It is unlikely that the aggressor did this with only one person close to you, and with the rest he is different, soft and fluffy, respecting boundaries. Therefore, look for other likely victims, try to team up with them.
How not to become a harasser yourself?
As already mentioned, a person may simply not be aware of what violates someone’s boundaries. In addition, in society there is a stereotype in the form of folk wisdom: «do with people the way you would like them to do with you.» It eliminates the need to get to know the other person, it is enough to know your preferences in order to build a relationship. Therefore, difficulties arise.
It is clear that in a public place it is difficult to respect the boundaries of strangers, especially in transport. Touching each other is sometimes inevitable.
But you should be attentive to those people with whom you often contact. And especially, over which you have even the slightest power.
This is quite difficult, because most prefer to hide their true emotions, trying to please the one they depend on. So study what non-verbal emotional states of a person are. To determine by gestures, facial expressions and even the timbre of the voice how they treat you, your words and actions.
And if you like one of your subordinates, you have the right to invite her or him on a date. But if a refusal followed, you should not be persistent. Otherwise, you can safely be accused of harassment.
What contributes to harassment?
Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D. and psychologist, has identified a number of conditions that may contribute to this phenomenon. So this is:
- Work activities in organizations where all leadership positions are occupied only by men. It is clear that harassment does not always occur when power is assigned only to the stronger sex, but in most situations it is in such companies that cases of pressure and violence are recorded.
- Lack of moral responsibility. It involves the ability to control one’s actions and be responsible for them.
- Hostile sexism. This is a biased attitude, discrimination of rights based on sex, gender. It often manifests itself among men, perhaps because women are less likely to occupy high positions and have power over them.
- The dark triad is narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. The presence of these three components leads to harsh treatment of other people, lack of sympathy for them and the desire to manipulate them, use them for their own purposes.
The Wenstein case
The most striking example is the story of Harvey Weinstein, the most influential producer in Hollywood, who created the Miramax company.
He gave the world a lot of pictures that won Oscars and other awards, including Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, The Lord of the Rings, Shakespeare in Love, Good Will Hutting and so on. That is, as you understand, the best that modern cinema has is its creations.
In 2017, the most popular newspaper in America, The New York Times, published Ashley Judd’s story about how Harvey harassed her, promising a good role in return.
After the publication of the article, confessions of other famous women who happened to work with Wenstein rained down. Among them, Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek, Gwyneth Paltrow, Rose McGowan, Cara Delevingne …
As a result, his wife, Georgia Chapman, divorced Harvey, colleagues turned away. He was expelled from the Producers Guild of America and stripped of the Legion of Honor. But the worst thing is that he was fired from the company he created. His brother, Bob Weinstein, was a co-owner of The Weinstein Company and is now thinking about changing the name, which causes only negative associations in society.
Regarding the trial, he justified the aggressor, believing that he did not commit any acts that violate labor laws. Since not a single case in which he was accused has been proven.
People who have closely followed this story believe that they managed to win only because Harvey hired the best lawyer in America, José Báez. If he got the acquittal of the killer of a two-year-old child, then regarding sexual harassment, it is even easier to resolve the issue.
Although some are inclined to believe that the actresses simply either misinterpreted his manifestations of attention. Or they are simply taking revenge for not being able to get the desired role.
Completion
And that’s all for today, dear readers!
Take care of yourself and be happy!
We also recommend reading about such a phenomenon as slut shaming. Which means, literally translated as a whore and shame.
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina