What is empathy and can it be learned? [WE EXPLAIN]

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Empathy is the ability to recognize and empathize with the mental states of others. Being able to put yourself in the shoes of another person and adopt their way of thinking is important in the context of social interactions. Empathy is also associated with shaping personality and emotional maturity at an early age. Where does empathy come from? What might a lack of empathy show?

In practice, empathy is an extremely important social skill. A person with significant empathic abilities understands his own emotions and is able to accurately recognize emotional states in other people. This has a positive effect on the understanding of social dependencies and interpersonal relations. Empathetic people they are aware of other people’s feelings, see the basis of their values ​​and are able to empathize with specific situations. Such perception of the world allows you to verify your own views and admit mistakes, as well as significantly reduce aggressive behavior. Lack of empathy in the social context is a negative phenomenon because it leads to indifference, difficulties in resolving conflicts and reaching for forceful solutions.

The concept of empathy is important in the context of emotional intelligence. In the past, intelligence was interpreted as broadly understood mental abilities, which primarily included logical and abstract thinking, quick association and analysis of facts, efficient information processing and the use of knowledge. Intelligence is also associated in this way today, mainly due to the popular intelligence tests that determine IQ (intelligence quotient). Despite this perception, contemporary psychology distinguishes several types of intelligence, including abstract, verbal and emotional intelligence (EQ). The components of EQ are social competences such as assertiveness, cooperation, leadership, persuasion and empathy.

Where does empathy come from?

An interesting question is why some of us are more empathetic than others. According to scientists who study the human brain, empathy is a natural trait of every human being, without which we would not be able to build relationships in society. Empathy allows you to meet the need of belonging, which is at the center of Maslow’s famous pyramid of needs.

What makes people have such widely varying levels of empathy? Psychology distinguishes three groups of causes responsible for building the level of empathy in humans: biological, psychological and environmental predispositions.

1. Biological predisposition is a material that we get from our ancestors. We are born programmed to a certain level of empathy, and scientists say that biological predisposition is responsible for our level of empathy in as much as 50 percent.
2. Psychological predispositions are the patterns we received in childhood and the relationships that prevailed and prevail among our loved ones. Psychologists claim that empathetic people were brought up with a sense of responsibility for the other person, but also awareness of the consequences of their actions. People with a lower level of empathy usually grew up with a sense of impunity and lack of responsibility for others.
3. Environmental predispositions are factors that shape us throughout our lives. Psychology claims that the level of empathy changes with age, and the environment in which we live and the accepted patterns of behavior prevailing in it have a major impact on the level of empathy.

According to Hungarian child psychologist Margaret Mahler the opposite of empathy is self-centeredness. Egocentricians place themselves at the center of the world and are often unable to accept views other than their own. They cannot understand that other people also have feelings, they see the world only from their point of view and believe that everyone should act according to their will and beliefs.

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It is worth noting that the widespread belief that women are more empathetic people than men is a myth. Gender has no bearing on our ability to feel certain emotional states and our ability to be compassionate. The key issue here may be a certain model of social expectations, according to which men are expected to restrain their emotions.

Two types of empathy

Psychologists distinguish two types of empathy:

1. Emotional empathy is related to feeling other people’s emotions. It’s understanding that someone is feeling emotions such as pain, old age, anger or anger. A person with emotional empathy understands what causes the feelings of the other person, can imagine them, and can sympathize with these emotions. Directly in dialogue, this type of empathy facilitates communication and also naturally adjusts non-verbal language.
2. Cognitive empathy is the ability to adopt another person’s way of thinking and observe reality from their perspective. This ability makes communication much easier also with people who are strangers or come from other cultural groups, because a person who shows cognitive empathy is able to adapt to assumptions of a different value system.

Interestingly, emotional and cognitive empathy may or may not go hand in hand. We can understand the other person, their position and emotions, but not feel those emotions at all. It is also possible to feel emotions but not fully understand the person’s position.

Research shows that many of us are raised guilty, as evidenced by the abuse of polite forms that begin with “I’m sorry.” Every fourth adult asks most of the questions like this, but should we really apologize for everything? Of course not! Such seemingly trivial linguistic habit proves a disturbed sense of self-worth and a sense of alienation in society. An overly empathetic person she cannot put her needs first, and when it does, she feels guilty.

As long as our empathy leads to the support and problem-solving of our loved ones, everything is fine. However, when we take over the suffering and problems of others as a result of excessive compassion, unpleasant consequences appear for us. In extreme cases, people who are too empathetic are not able to view the news service, because the presented daily news causes them excessive sadness and a sense of guilt that everything seems to be going well in their lives.

Although empathy is an ability that, according to the Greek origin of the word, can bring us a lot of suffering, psychologists agree that no matter what emotions accompany us when we feel compassion, everything we do with other people in mind is our most precious spiritual experience. .

This, is it worth being empatheticor to put only your own good first, is an individual decision of each of us. From the point of view of psychology, it is best to be able to find a golden mean, although, as many life situations show, it is not always easy.

Development of empathy in children

One of the theories – the theory of Jean Piaget – says that empathy is a derivative of cognitive development. According to this Swiss biologist and psychologist, children up to the age of seven are egocentric and cannot understand and sympathize with the feelings of other people and animals. Their self-centeredness is unconscious. Over time, they develop their awareness and gradually become more and more empathetic.

Numerous experiences show, however, that even three-year-old children show empathic behavior and can recognize and name feelings. In the 70s, Aged Helen Borke conducted a study involving 200 children aged 3 to 8 years. The experiment had several stages. In one of them, children were shown different faces and asked to name the emotions they saw. Already three-year-olds correctly named emotions, although the older the child was, the better the result.

In the next stage of the research, children listened to stories in which the protagonist experienced certain emotions. The small participants of the study were to name them or assign a suitable face to express this emotion. The youngest participants in the study coped well with this task. The results of these studies therefore contradict Piaget’s theory that children under the age of seven cannot show empathy.

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Empathy training it is worth basing on these points:

1. attention training – observing the situation, watching its development;
2. listening practice – understanding what is being heard, being sensitive to the calling of emotions by the other person, focusing on what he wants to convey;
3. training self-awareness – recognizing your own feelings and learning to name them;
4. communication exercise – communicating your feelings and naming other people’s feelings.

Empathy helps in many situations, facilitates everyday functioning, and allows you to establish good relationships. It is desirable in many professions in which a man cannot cope without empathy. It is also worth realizing that a person deprived of empathy or with a very low level of it may impose his will on others and not notice that such uncompromisingness is a source of conflicts and negative emotions.

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