When it comes to infidelity, everyone puts their own meaning into this concept: physical intimacy, emotional attachment, communication with exes on social networks, visiting a strip club … Psychologists have sorted out common options for cheating.
Infidelity towards a partner is a very vague concept. Can flirting be considered a malicious attempt to hurt someone you love? What about watching an «adult movie» alone? Or is it pointless to be offended? Is dinner with a friend of the opposite sex too much?
Of course, for the most part it depends on what kind of relationship you have, how your partner perceives controversial points. In order not to get into a situation where you have to sort things out because of innocent, albeit a little playful, correspondence, it is best to discuss this with your partner in advance. Which of your actions would he consider a threat to the relationship and his trust, and which would he not pay attention to? What would you consider a reason for jealousy? A frank conversation will help prevent quarrels.
What is the most common cause of misunderstanding between partners? The seven most common situations in which couples may experience jealousy.
1. Questionnaire on a dating site. The outrage in this case is understandable: why do you need a profile if you are already in a relationship? The answer lies on the surface: to get to know someone else. But there are other explanations as well.
“It’s quite possible that this is an old profile that he hasn’t used for a long time,” explains David Bennett, a relationship specialist. But it still pops up on the site. Some dating apps include not only romantic connections, but also friendly and professional ones. So do not immediately accuse your partner of infidelity. If this bothers you, explain to him why this bothers you and ask him to delete the profile.
2. Friendship with an ex on social networks. “Partners very often quarrel because one of their “friends” has former passions,” says psychotherapist Tony Coleman. — At the same time, the “guilty” partner in most cases did not even think about treason. Of course, if they communicate a lot, this can be a wake-up call, but in this case, as always, it is better to openly discuss their experiences, and not make a scandal. Because it may well turn out that he simply does not keep track of who is “friends” with him and who is not, or does not attach as much importance to it as you do.
3. Watching porn without a partner. “It may not be good for your relationship, but it cannot be called cheating — unless such “entertainment” replaces the intimate life of the couple. If a partner prefers porn films to sex, this is a more serious problem, says Bennett. “The situation becomes even worse if he hides this habit and is ready to jeopardize your relationship for the sake of it.” Offer to have a viewing together, if both of you enjoy it, your sex life will benefit from it.
4. Emotional connection with another person. “It may well be considered cheating if it replaces such an attachment to a regular partner,” Bennett explains. — It is important whether it has a romantic connotation. Otherwise, one could be jealous of all the friends we love and appreciate.”
Such a connection with only one person is not the most “healthy” option. But you need to clearly define for yourself the difference between friendly affection and romantic passion.
5. Dinner with an attractive person. “There is nothing wrong with dinner itself, even if people like each other,” Coleman said. “But it creates a potentially dangerous situation. And if you dine in secret from your partner, this may indicate a subconscious readiness for treason.
If the mutual attraction and sexual tension are strong enough, then the situation becomes really dangerous. “In this case, a couple of cocktails and an “innocent” offer to take a walk can solve everything, Bennett adds. “If a spark ran between people, such a dinner can very quickly turn into treason.”
6. «Playful» correspondence. “If you think this is cheating, then you are sure that such flirting has only one purpose — to create a romantic and sexual atmosphere,” Bennett explains. “But the truth is that some people are just used to communicating in that manner. Notice if your partner talks like this to everyone? Or is his «playfulness» reserved only for «chosen» interlocutors of the opposite sex?
If you are concerned about this issue, discuss your concerns with your partner. Perhaps, in order to avoid ambiguous situations, he should explain to those with whom he so playfully corresponds that his manner of communication does not imply any romantic feelings.
7. Visiting a strip club. “If going to the striptease replaces the sex life, it can be considered cheating,” says Bennett. — On the other hand, for many people it does not carry any sexual «burden» — just a way to have fun. And this is another type of leisure that you can try to master together, if successful, this will make your relationship even stronger. If the very idea of visiting a strip club disgusts you, talk to your partner about your feelings — if you are dear to him, he will most likely treat your words with understanding and meet you halfway.