Bullying, aggressive harassment of one child by another… Today, the scale of this phenomenon is becoming more and more noticeable: 44% of Russian children aged 11 and 27% of 15-year-olds become objects of bullying and ridicule. Video commentary by existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova.
Bullying, the aggressive pursuit of one child by another, is a phenomenon with a long history. But today its scale is becoming more noticeable: according to the WHO, 44% of Russian children aged 11 and 27% of 15-year-olds become targets of bullying and ridicule. 42% of schoolchildren admit that they themselves were engaged in bullying, and 20% – repeatedly.
In elementary school, violence begins with racketeering – when high school students take money and mobile phones from the younger ones. Children aged 11–15 gossip, humiliating jokes, and boycott. Pain, loneliness, a sense of hopelessness that a victim of persecution experiences are very accurately shown by Rolan Bykov in the film based on Vladimir Zheleznikov’s book Scarecrow (1983) – they are recognizable today.
Bullying (from the English bully – bully, fighter, rapist) – psychological terror, beating, persecution of one person by another. Less radical actions – name-calling, obscene jokes, gossip – are called mobbing. Their main features:
- Inequality of forces of the aggressor and the victim.
- The repetition of violence.
- Acute emotional reaction of the victim.
Psychologies: Who is the most likely to bully?
Svetlana Krivtsova: He always starts bullying alone: to establish his authority, to get some kind of benefit, or just to have fun, – explains existential psychologist Svetlana Krivtsova. – The rest of the children, watching the actions of the bully, either ignore them, or are indignant and try to intervene. But seeing that the victim does not resist, and the teacher does not support their initiative, the children experience helplessness, and their mood can change – from sympathy for the victim to irritation and indifference.
Insults from classmates, slander, extortion – more often this happens in schools with a “stuffy” atmosphere, where human dignity is not perceived as a value, where most children are apathetic and disappointed, where their need for recognition and understanding is not satisfied. And vice versa: in a team where respect for oneself and others is considered the norm, and insulting the honor of any person is a more serious violation than absenteeism or vandalism, each case of hostility or harassment becomes an exceptional event.
Who is the most likely victim of bullying?
It can be any student, even a strong one, able to withstand the pressure of a group of classmates. But some children unwittingly provoke peers and more often than others become victims of bullying. Among them – those who are unusually dressed or “strange” behave; who is untidy, untidy. Or boys and girls who can’t fight back, or very sensitive children – it’s easy to piss them off, make them cry.
Schoolchildren who get along easier with adults than with classmates, complain to the teacher for any reason and follow him with a “tail”, will also cause irritation rather than sympathy of the class. Often the victim of bullying is a new student who is different from his classmates – for example, more open, proactive, honest. And the children reject the “outsider”. Finally, it also happens that the teacher himself singles out an objectionable student in the team and, humiliating him publicly, sets the norms of acceptable behavior for schoolchildren.
And who becomes a bully?
These children grow up without prohibitions, they do not know what the authority of parents is. And at the same time, they really lack the attention and respect of adults. Longing for these feelings causes them strong aggression, which is suppressed for some time: the child cannot throw it out on his parents, he is looking for a suitable target.
In a school with strict rules, in an atmosphere of mutual respect, it is easier for such a child to control his behavior. But with the opportunity to exercise his power and strength with impunity, his eyes light up. Most bullies are children with pronounced narcissistic traits. They grow up without an inner sense of their own dignity, self-worth, and therefore they always have to assert themselves at the expense of other people, to prove their own superiority.
How to recognize narcissistic traits in your child?
Selfishness, the desire to get the best in any situation is already noticeable at the age of 5 – for example, a child grabs the best piece from the table, and does it calmly and confidently. But, unfortunately, today in a society aimed at external success and consumption, the desire of a child to be the first in everything for many parents becomes a reason for pride.
In addition, buller parents are often just as narcissistic as their child. They can severely punish him, but he will unleash evil on the next victim. Approximately 50% of bullies are victims themselves – in their family or in another team.
Tips for the teacher
Do not look for someone to blame – on the contrary, help the children show concern for the one who turned out to be a victim. Here’s the situation: two girls announced a third boycott. The teacher, having received the consent of the victim and her parents, organizes a meeting: he invites the initiators of the boycott and four more guys who take a neutral position (two of them are strong boys). After explaining to the children how the girl feels, he asks the children to come up with two or three possible solutions to reduce her suffering. Feeling the importance of their mission, the children are actively involved in the “project”. Once a week, all participants meet and talk about their successes. After 5-6 such meetings, the situation, as a rule, completely exhausts itself.