What is attachment theory

What is attachment theory

Attachment theory. This phrase is more and more often found on the pages of popular psychological sites, and more and more parents choose to raise their children “according to the theory of attachment.”

What is attachment and what does it mean to raise children “according to attachment theory”?

The very word “attachment” as a designation of a certain psychological phenomenon arose in the middle of the last century.

English psychoanalyst John Bowlby, while observing small children in hospitals, noticed a very strange and alarming phenomenon: when parents brought the child to the hospital to leave there for treatment (in Great Britain then it was a common practice), the child cried, clung to the parents, did not want them to leave, repel doctors and nurses, did not allow strangers to manipulate them. This went on for about three days on average, after which the child seemed to be replaced: he stopped crying, became apathetic, indifferent to manipulations over him, it became much easier for the medical staff to handle such a child, and it was believed that the child was “used” or “adapted” … But when, upon discharge from the hospital, the parents came to pick up their baby, instead of running to meet the parents, he refused to recognize them, ran away, hid, rolled tantrums and pushed the parents away in every possible way.

John Bowlby was seriously alarmed by the psychological transformations that took place with the little man in the conditions of separation from his parents for literally several days. According to the recollections of the scientist’s son, Sir Richard Bowlby, one day the father came home very agitated and told his wife for a long time about what he had seen in the hospital, describing the suffering of children without parents and their “strange” behavior when meeting with native adults.

After a lengthy and agitated conversation, John Bowlby said, “I’ll call these behavioral changes the Bowlby effect,” to which his wife suddenly exploded:

“What the hell is the Bowlby effect, it’s love!”

John Bowlby turned white and sat for a long time in silence, his head in his hands. At that time, no self-respecting scientist could afford to research something with a four-letter name (love)! No scientific community was ready to recognize such a researcher as a scientist.

This is how the word “attachment” appeared in psychological science.

New is well forgotten old

Affection is a person’s striving, craving, longing for contact and closeness with their own kind.

Despite the fact that the word “attachment” as a psychological term is not more than 60 years old, the phenomenon itself has always existed and has been studied since time immemorial. Even the ancient Greeks talked about the social nature of man. There are many philosophical, psychological treatises and studies that talk about attachment, but never mention this term.

In November 2015, at one of the TED conferences, the famous lecture by Robert Walding was given on what a person needs to feel happy.

A Harvard University scientist shared the results of one of the longest studies in the history of psychology, which began back in 1938 and continues to this day. It was dedicated to the question of what makes us healthy and happy throughout our lives. Answering the question “If now you were planning to take care of your own bright future, where would you invest your time and energy?” Robert Walding answered unequivocally:

“After 75 years of research, it’s very clear to us that good relationships make us happier and healthier. Dot”

The word “affection” was never used in this lecture, but that should not confuse us. It is about her, about the craving deep in the bowels of our brain to be near, to be together. What for?

The answer to this question can be very long or very short. Short answer: attachment ensures survival.

Such a simple yet vital mechanism

Babies are born very “unfinished”, having just reached the minimum possible physiological viability. The newborn breathes on its own, maintains temperature balance, is able to digest food and produce waste products. But he is not able to follow his mother, independently obtain food for himself and seek a warm shelter for spending the night (as is the case with animals). It will take many years before a child learns to do all this on his own, but for now he depends on adults to take care of him. And a mechanism is needed that would help both sides of the process: make it easier for adults to raise a child, and make a child receptive to care.

This mechanism is attachment. Thanks to attachment, we are able for years, every day, day after day to do for the sake of our children what we would never do for our own pleasure: suffer a lack of sleep, eat right and regularly, walk in any weather, give up bad habits, memorize a fairy tale about the Ryaba chicken, make difficult decisions and take responsibility.

What about children? Thanks to all the same attachment, our children accept our care, obey us, adopt our life values ​​and moral norms, see us as a leader and a compass arrow for orientation in life.

Without attachment, the need to raise a child for 15-18 years would turn into unbearable torment and a rarely achievable task, and thanks to it we even manage to get pleasure from this process.

Curious to learn more about attachment theory? Write your questions in the comments, and we will ask them to Gordon Newfeld – the famous Canadian psychologist, one of the main followers of John Bowlby and his attachment theory.

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