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Is a realized woman a successful careerist or a caring mother? In the modern world, many prove by their own example that these roles can be combined. And this, no doubt, is very difficult. What challenges do working mothers face on a daily basis, and how can employers support them?
There is no magic universal “life hack” for all working mothers. But it is important to try to hear, understand and talk about the victims and problems that mothers face that employers are unaware of. Thirteen working women who have children answered questions about how their life is built, combining motherhood and career. They represent different professional industries, occupy different positions. But despite these differences, they face similar challenges every day.
Karina is a working mother. Despite the support of her partner, she feels that she does not do as much at home as she could. And, despite weekly business trips, he doubts that he does enough at work. She brings in the most sales revenue for the firm, but feels too busy and unworthy of a raise.
“I think the worst service other women have done me is they didn’t tell me how hard it is to be a mother. Before having kids, I had no idea what it was like. I thought, “Really, how hard can it be?”
Doing double duty
Even if the husband is wonderful and sensitive, most often the woman takes on a disproportionate amount of housework. Parenthood is a life-changing event that comes with a huge to-do list and a shift in priorities. But even in families with extremely involved fathers, mothers still do more work while assuming that partners do as much as they can.
A 2017 study found that women who live with husbands and children are 5,5 times more likely than their male counterparts to do all or most of the housework. The mothers who participated in the survey took their children to and from the kindergarten, planned doctor visits, monitored compliance with medical appointments, took care of children’s leisure, and also bought food, household chemicals and clothes. Much of this work is invisible to their partners. For employers, it does not matter at all.
“Even with a caring partner, mothers are forced to become house managers. Clothes, baby food, babysitting, walking the dog, filling the refrigerator – and so on every day, ”says Alice, the owner of a small business.
Fearing real or perceived failure at work, women often unconsciously put work ahead of their own families.
“He is a great father, but there are many things he has no idea about. She just thinks that the house is magically replenished with diapers and seasonal children’s clothes of the appropriate size, ”says Lana, vice president of a large company.
The duties that fall on women take a lot of time and emotions. To accomplish them, energy is required, which only seems inexhaustible. Even a simple event – leaving the house in the morning – can become heavy and emotionally charged. One of the survey participants, Maria, a social worker, spoke in detail about the pressure she is under:
“Our morning routine: getting myself ready for work, getting the kids ready for kindergarten, checking to see if they brushed their teeth. They learn to bring dishes to the sink and put on their own shoes. We do not forget to go to the potty and try to keep within an hour and a half. I don’t want to be late, but they don’t understand the concept of being late. These little problems with raising children take a big toll on me.”
Invisible sacrifices for work
Family needs and professional responsibilities often conflict. Fearing real or perceived failure at work, women often unconsciously put work ahead of their own families. Maria, mentioned above, dreams of having dinners together, but cannot, because her duties do not allow her to leave early. She is willing to take part of the work home and finish it as soon as the children are asleep, but is afraid that such a request will make her less serious in the eyes of her superiors and, ultimately, hurt her career growth.
Many mothers, like Maria, make sacrifices: reluctantly skip children’s holidays to attend a work meeting, cannot leave the office early to care for a sick child, and take on additional responsibilities, for example, agreeing to business trips. Company managers may not even realize what sacrifices they are making, because it happens quietly.
“I practically lost breast milk, and I was very worried about it. There are times when I actually choose between what’s good for my body and baby and what’s good for work,” says Lisa, Deputy Head of Human Resources.
“One of the hardest things about work is the lack of flexibility, which prevents you from immediately responding to what is best for the family… Here’s an example: right now, the daughter is sick, looks terrible, she has a slight fever. It would be better for her to stay at home with me, but that is not possible. This morning I did what many working parents do: I gave her an antipyretic in the hope that the effect would last long enough for her to go to school,” says Anna, account manager.
Unwillingness to fight for career growth
Most of the mothers we spoke to did not apply for promotions. Objectively, it seemed incomprehensible. After all, these were the same women from whom we heard tales of incredible sacrifice, dedication, and effort at work. They gave up breastfeeding before they were ready, skipped lunches with their kids, came to the office every day after difficult emotional breakups.
These were the same women who noted that financial compensation was more important than ever to support their families. But having to talk about a well-deserved promotion was seen as a burden.
Working mothers admitted that they were not interested in career growth, because they were not ready to take part in undercover games, they did not have enough time to defend their interests. In addition, they felt they didn’t deserve a raise because of the extra work commitments they had. They attached more importance to the meaning of the work.
There is no magic recipe that will teach all managers in all companies to adequately deal with working mothers.
“I’m not aiming for a promotion. At the moment, it is important for me to do my job well. I want to spend more time with my family,” says Diana, director of strategy and operations.
“I feel that I am not as worthy of this as other colleagues who do not have to leave at 17:30,” says Sophia, branding director.
Company management may misinterpret this behavior as a woman giving up career ambitions in favor of motherhood.
“Despite the fact that I have some restrictions, I still want to achieve a lot and will work hard … I am still ambitious, although I am not stuck in the office for 12 hours a day.” – Stefania, Data Analyst.
How can companies make working mothers even more effective employees?
They have many superpowers that benefit employers. Survey participants said that motherhood made them more effective employees, taught them to better prioritize. They began to pay more attention to the long term and to pore over small tasks less.
Of course, there is no magic recipe that will teach all executives in all companies how to treat working mothers adequately. But there are some management principles that can make the “invisible” more visible:
- Recognize and understand how difficult it is for women to leave their children for work every day. By asking their employees about family and daily responsibilities, company managers can get to know new sides of their personality that are not related to work.
- Create an environment where the topics of reconciling motherhood and work are encouraged and discussed without punishment or judgment. What is especially difficult? What compromises have to be made? What kind of help is needed so that a woman can enjoy her job and continue her career at a comfortable pace?
- Make parenthood more visible so that mothers are not afraid to show their true selves. Encourage all parents, especially those in leadership positions, to share how families influence their work. Create or connect mothers to spaces where parents can talk about children and life outside of work.