We all sometimes find ourselves in situations where prudent silence can harm no less than excessive straightforwardness. What to do: take a chance and lay it all out or hide the truth and be afraid that one day it will be revealed?
The truth can be cruel, and its consequences are not always possible to predict – once getting out “to the surface”, it can cause a lot of trouble. Therefore, it is not so easy to always remain honest, because we cannot know how directness will turn out and whether we will have to regret it. On the one hand, I don’t want to deceive, on the other, it’s scary to take risks and be extremely frank. During such reflections, the thought involuntarily creeps in: maybe it’s better to remain silent?
However, there are situations when silence of the truth is tantamount to a lie. It is one thing not to tell a friend that she has recovered, and quite another to withhold information that may affect an important decision. If this fact is revealed, the one who was misled will draw conclusions not so much about the significance of the discovered facts, but about us, if we choose to remain silent. We find ourselves in a trap: wherever you throw, everywhere a wedge. It will not work to evade: you will have to make a choice and prepare for any consequences.
Case of life
A good example of the search for a golden mean between truth and lies is the story of the lawyer Vladimir. He left a large law firm due to disagreements with management and was worried about what a potential new employer would think about the conflict. As a result, Vladimir decided to tell the truth and, apparently, the new company appreciated this: he was hired.
But Vladimir’s luck doesn’t prove that you always have to be straightforward. He presented the conflict with the previous employer in such a way that his actions during that quarrel coincided with the values of the new company. Here is what he said to an HR employee at an interview: “The company where I worked before adhered to a strict hierarchy, but I turned out to be an overly creative “upstart”, for which I paid the price. I can’t stand to sit out the working day in silence and act according to the template instead of developing, mastering new approaches.
Vladimir admitted that he did not play according to the rules that were adopted at his last job, and at the same time emphasized his initiative – in some companies, especially in small ones, this quality is welcomed. He did some background research on the employer who had invited him for an interview, and he took a moderate risk: telling the truth, but presenting it subtly and cleverly. If Vladimir got to an interview in a company with the same values as his previous employer, he would choose a different way to present himself.
If you want to achieve good results, you need to consider all variables. Find out first: what kind of people will you be dealing with? What is expected of you? Will you be able to stick to the plan and quickly adjust it if you realize that you need to act differently?
What stops us from speaking the truth?
While pondering how best to tell a potential new employer about what happened to him at his previous job, Vladimir encountered his own internal limitations. It was not easy for him to act straightforwardly, because he unwittingly copied his mother, who was always cunning and dodging. Even in everyday situations where there was no point in pretending, she chose to lie. For example, when she could not find the keys for a long time and because of this the boy was late for football practice, she invented that she was late because she was busy helping the homeless as a volunteer.
In such cases, Vladimir was surprised that someone believed in these excuses. But most of all he was struck by how deftly she did her tricks, and he even thought that it would be great to master this talent. And although indignation boiled in him when his mother justified lateness or the absence of a gift to a relative by the slowness or forgetfulness of his son, over time he became the same cynical cunning.
Finding a balance between immediate benefit and long-term well-being is essential
Thanks to his charm and creativity, Vladimir achieved a lot, but one day the standards of professional ethics made him think hard. Lawyers have no right to lie, their reputation is carefully checked by potential employers and bar associations. A seemingly innocent habit in the world of law is equated with an official crime.
Vladimir decided to be honest with the new employer, and he succeeded. But it was not the carefully thought-out history of the conflict with the former leaders that played the main role. In fact, he understood the main thing: his hesitations about whether to tell the truth or remain silent, were caused not so much by the desire to present himself from a favorable side, but by childhood experiences that seriously influenced his personality. Sometimes the past and the present pull us in different directions and prevent us from making the right choice.
To make it happen, we need change, sometimes so radical and urgent that we are overcome with utter despair. Still, finding a balance between immediate benefit and long-term well-being is extremely important. This will help us stay calm and confident.