What if a loved one cheated and is it worth it to forgive betrayal?

Good afternoon, dear readers. Do you think it’s worth it to forgive betrayal? What is the probability that after reconciliation this will not happen again at some critical moment in life for the couple? What to do and how to behave? Such thoughts can unsettle anyone who has experienced the betrayal of a loved one. Today we will talk about this in detail.

Decide what you want

Treason is a heavy blow to even the strongest family. When a wife or husband suddenly finds out about a partner’s infidelity, this can be a decisive factor in the future of the family.

It is not uncommon for partners to have no idea about the long-term extramarital relationship of spouses. Or guess, but can not find evidence. Therefore, the situation has not been resolved for many years. But when it is confirmed that this is true, the one who was cheated on, the earth leaves from under his feet.

Accidentally learning about treason, people do not know what they want. And it makes no difference who became a victim of infidelity — a young girl or a guy, a mature man or woman. The options for getting out of the situation are the same for everyone.

It is important to stop — to leave for a couple of days or weeks, to protect yourself from communication with a partner and decide exactly what to do next.

In case of change, 2 scenarios are possible:

1. Divorce and once and for all protect yourself from communication with a traitor. This seems to be the only way out. It is difficult to forget your partner, but it is possible. And if you already have children, then the thought that their communication with their father or mother will be limited will not give you rest. And whatever they may be, they are still their native people. In this case, you need to wait a couple of days, or even weeks. It is not worth deciding anything until the wounds stop bleeding and the sobriety of the mind returns.
2. Forgive and try to save the family. A lot depends on both the woman and the man. After all, not everyone immediately runs to apologize and ask for forgiveness.

   Some even pretend that nothing critical has happened, attributing their offense to the difficult moral background of the family, quarrels, and fatigue. Naturally, it is unacceptable for the partner not to realize his guilt. Even if you are going to save your family after infidelity, inform your spouse that this act was a heavy blow for you, which was imprinted on your heart in the form of a scar for the rest of your life.

It is very important when resolving an issue never to return to conversations on this topic. It is unacceptable if the wife periodically reproaches and reminds her husband of a mistake or, even worse, compares herself with another woman. It should be understood that he has already made his choice in her favor, which means that she is better than that other. And do not nag your husband for treason until the end of his life.

Situations when it is worth forgiving treason

A couple of weeks is enough time to calm down and think everything over. There are certain signs when cheating can be qualified as a serious mistake:

• For many years you were absolutely happy. Cheating is the only miss when your partner hurts you. You know for sure that he is your soulmate and believe in his remorse.
• You are dependent on your partner both financially and emotionally. Often there are couples in which the husband is the breadwinner. Wives, in turn, take care of household and children. Communication with friends and leisure of such families often depend exclusively on husbands. In this case, probably, not every woman will be able to refuse a secure, quiet life because of her husband’s infidelity. Some are willing to endure such an attitude towards themselves, even on an ongoing basis. By the way, maybe you are just addicted to relationships. Take this test here.
• You love your soul mate and simply cannot imagine your life without her. Such situations are not uncommon. Often love from school flows into marriage, but then people develop, interests change, and partners are not ready to let go of the past even after betrayal, blindly believing that this is the only love for life, and everything else is unimportant.
• The partner is deeply remorseful, and you believe him that this will never happen again.

It is worth noting that these signs contribute to forgiveness, but still the choice remains with the victim of infidelity. Often a person simply cannot forget and forgive, even if he is sure of sincerity and cloudless happiness in the future.

Cases when categorically it is not necessary to forgive treason

There are also signs that indicate that you should not forgive betrayal:

• When a person does not realize his mistake and does not repent. On the contrary, they often make excuses “it’s your own fault, you pushed me into this” or “what’s wrong with that, it happens to many people”. It must be clearly understood that a person with this attitude is likely to repeat it in the future. Are you ready to experience it again?
• What happened is not the first betrayal. When this has already happened before and repeated again, then most likely it will become a habit, and you will have to experience moments of betrayal more than once. As a rule, promises that this time was definitely the last are worth nothing. These are just empty words of a traitor.
• The partner does not promise that this will not happen again. Any person should be alerted when the cheater does not promise this. It means that he is honest and does not want to make empty promises. This should at least be a concern.
• You have been deceived for many years, while leading a double lifestyle. With a person capable of long and skillful lies, it is better not to have any business. Most likely, for him, deception is the norm of life.
• The partner confesses his feelings for another person and says that he cannot break this relationship. If there is no love left for you, then why live with such a burden? It is better to suffer a single time than to feel different or different.
• You don’t forgive people or give them a second chance.
• You have long noticed that there are no more feelings, but you did not want to break your life together simply because of a banal attachment and habit.

In these situations, it is better to go separate ways than to continue living in the expectation of deceit and with a sense of inferiority.

Life after betrayal

If you have not forgiven the betrayal and decided that your paths with your spouse diverge, then life follows your scenario. But there are times when, after some time, thoughts about the haste of parting come to mind. The person regrets, but, as a rule, nothing can be returned, because the partner lives a new life.

It happens the other way around — quick forgiveness and insecurity give rise to new betrayals, and after a while a person realizes that it was not worth forgiving even a single time. Nobody knows what lies ahead of us.

Whatever happens, you need:

• love yourself;
• do not make decisions that are contrary to your desires;
• let go if you understand that there will no longer be joy from living together.

In a situation where betrayal was not of a regular nature, and you decided to forgive her, you need to realize that life will not be the same as before. It’s time to build new rules and new boundaries. Here are some tips for this:

• Do not be afraid to open your feelings and thoughts to your partner. Describe in detail the emotions that his or her infidelity aroused.
• Don’t let yourself be manipulated. Set emotional boundaries that will not be crossed. It is not uncommon for self-esteem to be significantly underestimated after the events experienced, and the partner does not think that he deserves a better life. In this case, it is necessary to carry out serious work aimed at restoring faith in oneself.
• Share the blame. The traitor must be aware of his guilt, and the forgiving side must support him in this, admitting that, perhaps, he also pushed him to this act with his inattention, some actions or words. Any grief is easier to bear together with the support of each other.
• Work out new ideas and rules for leisure, show attention and respect for each other, etc. It happens that after such unpleasant events, reconciled people begin to treat each other with even more awe and respect than before. It was just the fear of loss that made them imagine life without a loved one. Therefore, now they are sure that happiness must be protected and cherished.
• Do not reproach or hint that the one who cheated once will definitely do it again. After all, this can cause a huge sense of guilt for what they have done and, most likely, discomfort in communicating with you. If you decide to forgive, be lenient.

Conclusion

Among the many relevant advice from psychologists on this topic, choose the ones that are relevant for you and act on them. I stick to this: “If you decide to forgive infidelity, get out of your head all the thoughts that are associated with it. Well, if you continue to remind your partner about it and reproach, your relationship has no future!

Remember that everything is in your hands. Trust your partners and build long-term relationships. Love to you and patience!

Also, we recommend that you take a test for your jealousy.

The material was prepared by Yulia Gintsevich.